To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

@quest1on

Who on earth has a “dream bridesmaid’s dress” anyway? She sounds insane actually. Take a massive step back from that one. Don’t go to the wedding, obviously.

This! I had dream bridesmaids. Didn't give a shiny shit what they looked like or what they wore.

Well, what you say back to her is 'Yeah,right! You mean you don't want me as a bridesmaid as I'm too fat. Fuck right off'
Fucking cow.
Sorry OP

Oh OP, I’m so sorry this has happened to you. YANBU at all if your friend has previously implied she would like you as a bridesmaid. I would be so disappointed too. Personally, having my best friends next to me mattered the most, they could have turned up in bin bags as far as I cared. If however your friend is really set on the ‘aesthetic’ of her wedding (which she is entitled to be) she could have at least given you the choice of wether you would like to wear her chosen dress or not. Failing that, I think she should have messaged you first before making a FB post.

FWIW you also shouldn’t feel like you have to lose weight to meet someone else’s ideals - your body is yours and yours alone.

I hope you are feeling okay right now x

Your so-called 'friend' is an utter cow.

She sounds like a total cow. Everything I hate about wedding bollocks. No one feels that strongly about a stupid dress. And if she was worried about your feelings then why couldn’t she at least mention it and give you the option? She’s more worried about getting good pics than anything else. It’s a tough lesson but at least you know her true colours. BTW I imagine that if she’s like this already it’s all going to go utterly pear shaped and be a total nightmare so you may well be better off out of it. Be thankful that you have a lovely baby, and BTW I am sure that there are many many dresses you would look fantastic in.

How do you reply to her? Maybe send a link to this thread

I'm with PP: respond with "yeah, we're done" and block her.

She's not your friend.

@drpet49

I actually think her message is sensitive. She’s not wrong though is she? Would you have been fine wearing the dress?

@drpet49

Right now I probably wouldn’t.

But the wedding isn’t right now, it’s a year away and I’m more than confident I could drop my 3 stone gain in a year, especially with the incentive of a dress to get into.

Fucking cunt

Sweet jesus do not go to the wedding. I am agog at that message. Who chooses clothes above people? Ditch her immediately, she is an awful human

Just reply to her with a link to this thread....

@MouseInCatsClaws

How do you reply to her? Maybe send a link to this thread

🤣🤣

Reply ‘do you know it’s really funny and I’ve recently set my heart on the type of friendships I want to nurture in the future and it turns out, you just don’t fit the bill. Gosh what a coincidence . Hope you have a fabulous wedding (and life) all the best, byeeeeeeeeee xxxxx’

Bullish%t

She’s a nasty, shallow cunt. I wouldn’t be going to that wedding. I’m sorry OP. She’s totally rejecting you because of your size and her ludicrous and pathetic obsession with her ‘aesthetic’. 🤮

YANBU, OP. Your 'friend' can fuck right off. Hope you don't attend or send a gift or anything. She doesn't deserve you. You deserve a lot better xx

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first. are you the bride?

What she's doing is prioritising a style of dress (weird anyway but even weirder that she apparently knew that's what she wanted prior to even being engaged) over a friendship.

She sounds shallow and pathetic. Also just plain nasty for telling you or alluding to you being a bridesmaid.

I wouldn't class her as an acquaintance any more let alone a friend.

I was also going to suggest sending a link to this thread!

Holy Christ. 😲

If you hadn't screenshot it, and just typed what she sent, I wouldn't have believed it.

I'm so sorry. That is truly horrible. It's a reflection on her. She's not worth being friends with.

I really never advise this, and I'm queen of 'give everyone about a million second chances' but you should end the friendship now.

I'd reply briefly to say what an upsetting mean text it was and never speak to her again.

💐

So she values dresses more than you.

My bridesmaids chose their dresses, to make sure they were wearing dresses they loved and felt amazing in, because my bridesmaids were my most beloved friends and that was the important thing.

My photos may not have looked like they came out of a wedding magazine with matchy matchy dresses but they are beautiful because the people I love most are in them.

Your friend is a shallow bitch. And not your friend.

@Fedupofballs

Just reply to her with a link to this thread....

Please do this!

Christ. Be grateful she didn't write 'your happy, bubbly self' - the time-honoured euphemism for 'fat girl' 🙄 I can't believe there's a PP who has read that and thinks she's trying to spare your feelings. She's not. She's being a complete dick. Goes without saying that you don't have to lose weight to wear one of the (probably godawful 'Fritz Bearnaise'-type) dresses she's vision-boarded 🙄 but if you wanted to, you could quite easily in 12 months. She's not even affording you that opportunity. Bin her the fuck off.

If I were you, this would motivate me to lose a few pounds and rock up to the wedding looking hotter than any of her 'team bride'

Or just don't go at all! What a cow, don't understand why she's even discussing your weight

Honestly I would have to text back and say "what a load of self gratifying shite. Hope the dresses you want are out of stock bitch" and block.

@Fedupofballs

Just reply to her with a link to this thread....

Good idea, actually!