To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

I would have replied with "heart set on the dresses?..." and left it hanging there.
What the actual fuck. I'm so sorry OP, she is no friend. You deserve so much more than to be treated this way by someone close who can manipulate a situation like this as if it's being kind to you. It's nothing of the sort.

It could be true?

Have you gone on about how unhappy you are about your size? Is she perhaps listening to that?

However I would say a GOOD friend would say. This is the colour way, this is the style:feel let’s see what we can find that pleases us both. Because it’s the PERSON not the arsing dress that matters.

So yeah. She’s a dick.

I wouldn't reply OP. At least sleep on it. Be kind to yourself.

I'm the friend who has piled on the weight and dress-sizes and most of the time I'm fine with it and focussed on living healthy. But every now and then there's an occasion which is spoilt because I have nothing suitable or comfortable to wear. And I feel sad, but also because I know I've done this to myself.

Yes send her a link to the thread. She fully deserves it.

@Dandylioness1

You probably don’t need to lose 3 stone! I’m sure you look perfectly wonderful just the way you are.

“If a person has ugly thoughts, it begins to show on the face. And when that person has ugly thoughts every day, every week, every year, the face gets uglier and uglier until you can hardly bear to look at it.

A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts it will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely”

It doesn’t matter how thin your ‘friend’ is. She is ugly AF!!

You deserve to be valued for the person you are.

Sorry, OP, but she doesn’t sound very nice. Why not a chat with you beforehand?
Her message was to make herself feel better, you deserve better friends

I’d reply about how it would have been nice to have been given the option to accept given the type of dress she’d chosen. Being excluded because of your weight isn’t her considering your feelings it’s her making out the weight is a problem.

She sounds like she’s horribly prioritising her wedding image.

Well, it's not what I'd have done, but at least the end was better with "I'd rather have you your happy self ..."

I'm truly sorry you feel so bad about yourself, but because of this, would you honestly have felt relaxed and happy with the size 8/10's no matter what dress she'd chosen? Horrible as it feels, I just wonder if she's actually saved you an uncomfortable experience

Oh her reply has given me the rage!!
Start distancing from her from now, you don't need such an image obsessed person in your life.
You don't have to accept any of this, just ignore her, you don't even need to reply.
I'd make bloody sure I was busy on that wedding date as well.

Wow. Some friend! She's done you a favour OP, now you know what she's really like.

I don't understand having a 'dream bridesmaid dress'?! Surely it's the wedding dress that's the main thing, dress wise.

I've never met anyone who said they had to have a very specific style of bridesmaid dress, it's usually just the colour that matters.

All about the wedding and not the marriage.

Who the hell has ever had their heart set on bridesmaids dresses anyway?! What a cow

By the Power of Greyskull, I'm praying the rest of 'Team Bride' each puts on four stone by May next year . . .

What a bitch. Who puts a bloody dress above their friends? Are people really that vain and superficial? I couldn’t have anyone who thinks this is acceptable as a friend.

That would be a huge incentive to me to lose the weight and look fabulous at her wedding, not constrained by her stupid bloody dresses.

A dream bridesmaid dress me hole!

That's rotten of her, OP. What kind of friend sends a message like that? Patronising cow.

Just message that you are more than happy to wear the dress of her choice. Whatever the size dress it may be... Tell her that your i friendship overrides any low esteem feelings you may have about your post baby weight..
Make her squirm.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Well, it's not what I'd have done, but at least the end was better with "I'd rather have you your happy self ..."

I'm truly sorry you feel so bad about yourself, but because of this, would you honestly have felt relaxed and happy with the size 8/10's no matter what dress she'd chosen? Horrible as it feels, I just wonder if she's actually saved you an uncomfortable experience

Are you insane? Or the vile friend? Or one of the skinny bridesmaids?

Are you actually saying that someone who isn't size 8/10 can't be comfortable around people that size?

Like, being skinny is a special quality in some way and anyone larger can't be in their company?

Unbelievable. 🤬

Just to add I fell out with one of my best mates over her pettiness and spite after she got engaged and became bridezilla.
Best decision ever to walk away from that friendship.
Can’t believe the shit I put up with now from her that my real friends would never subject me to!

Sounds like she is gearing up to be a bridezilla and you've had a lucky escape. I'm sure you look fab at what ever size you are. You shouldn't have to loose weight to please bitches like her.

So sorry. Your friend is really cruel.

I am absolutely sympathetic to brides (and grooms) being able to have the wedding they want, but there are limits and telling you you aren’t a bridesmaid because you can’t look the way she wants you to in a dress exceeds that limit by some distance.

I didn’t really like my bridesmaids dresses. They were 2 birds ones, but as my maid of honour was going to be pregnant, I wanted her dress to be one she knew would fit whatever her size at that point. I spoke to all my bridesmaids and all of them were happy with the dress. That’s the way round it should be - pick the bridesmaids then pick a dress that’s right for them, not vice versa.

Alternatively even if she really was trying to be kind, she should have spoken to you first, and ask how you’d feel about wearing the dress, not broadcast something about “team bride” all over Facebook.

Yeah she's a dick. Ditch her OP you deserve better!

Ok, here’s the plan. Loose 4 stone,
Arrive at her wedding in the most figure hugging sexy dress you can lay your hands on….
Sort of Sandy style…

Wow she's a dick

@Atalune

Have you gone on about how unhappy you are about your size? Is she perhaps listening to that

I wouldn’t say I’ve “gone on” but we’ve definitely talked about the fact I’m not feeling my best self right now.