To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

@Endlesscleaning

That would be a huge incentive to me to lose the weight and look fabulous at her wedding, not constrained by her stupid bloody dresses.

You'd go to someone's wedding after they treated you like this?

OP should only lose weight if it's what she wants. For herself. Not to get into a dress or 'show' the friend.

@Aprilwasverywet

Just message that you are more than happy to wear the dress of her choice. Whatever the size dress it may be... Tell her that your i friendship overrides any low esteem feelings you may have about your post baby weight.. Make her squirm.

This is clever too!

You would outshine her my love.

She sounds ugly. X

I’d just reply ‘I’m incredibly disappointed in you’ and leave it. What a shallow soul she is. The friends we make in our youth are not necessarily the best friends you can have.

I think I'd just not reply. Ever.

Has she always been so shallow?

My jaw hit the floor reading that message

Me too! I'm absolutely gobsmacked. What an absolute cow your 'friend' is.

And april nailed it

She prioritising bridesmaids dresses over her friendship with you. If she's made comments about you being a bridesmaid before, no matter why she changed her mind, she should have told you. From the sounds of it, you found out from the Team Bride picture? That alone is really shitty. I'm sorry she's made you feel so low tonight, I don't think she's a good friend at all

I just wouldn't reply.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

Well, it's not what I'd have done, but at least the end was better with "I'd rather have you your happy self ..."

I'm truly sorry you feel so bad about yourself, but because of this, would you honestly have felt relaxed and happy with the size 8/10's no matter what dress she'd chosen? Horrible as it feels, I just wonder if she's actually saved you an uncomfortable experience

Oh, are us size 16 elephants meant to feel uncomfortable around all the size 10 matchsticks then? I wasn't aware of that. I thought we were all just normal women with different figures....

What a nasty bitch! She's not a real friend. I'd dumper her off to be honest. Get yourself some new friends who like you for you not because you're skinny!

My best friends are between size 8-18 and I had all 4 of them as bridesmaids. Didn't give a shiny shit about what dress size they are! My bestfriend who's a size 18 is much more attractive than me and looked better than I did on the day!

I'm sorry Op but she isn't a very nice person or a very good friend.

I don't think I would reply or message her again.

Wow. Obv we need to see the dress 😂

Seriously tho she wants a type of dress over having you as her bm

She could have had all one colour and diff styles

She is not your friend

What a fucking cow. I'm sorry OP, you have every reason to tell her to get fucked, you deserve better friends. However, I'd be tempted to make her squirm a bit and say you love the dress and can't wait to wear it and that you are so amazingly happy to be on Team Bride. Make sure you put a hearty heart at the end

@Superfoodie123

If I were you, this would motivate me to lose a few pounds and rock up to the wedding looking hotter than any of her 'team bride'

Or just don't go at all! What a cow, don't understand why she's even discussing your weight

Exactly this and also hope that a couple of her bridesmaids get pregnant between now and next May ! You really do not need friends like this in your life 💐

@Aprilwasverywet

Just message that you are more than happy to wear the dress of her choice. Whatever the size dress it may be... Tell her that your i friendship overrides any low esteem feelings you may have about your post baby weight.. Make her squirm.

Love it

@NaturalBlondeYeahRight

I’d just reply ‘I’m incredibly disappointed in you’ and leave it. What a shallow soul she is. The friends we make in our youth are not necessarily the best friends you can have.

This is the best reply by far!!

When I got engaged and spoke to my best friend about being my bridesmaid, she was really worried as they were planning on trying for another baby and she was worried about being in a dress, it not fitting etc. So we went out and picked her a dress that would work if she was or wasn't pregnant, because her being part of my day was more important than a dress. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone who thought so little of me OP.

@Dandylioness1

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

I'd just send a laughing face emoji and not speak to her again.

'😂 ok'

Tell her to get fucked

I have a 2 bridesmaids for my wedding, one size 8 and one size 20, they chose their own dresses that I paid for because I care about them and want them to feel a million dollars on my wedding day

Total and utter bitch!!! Sorry OP she is not your friend and she deserves a

Exactly this and also hope that a couple of her bridesmaids get pregnant between now and next May ! You really do not need friends like this in your life

Ohhhh good point! She will totally fire anyone that will be pregnant won’t she?

I don’t think your fiend sounds like an awful person, she just doesn’t want her wedding to create stress for you. You say you’d have had time to lose weight, but would you really have wanted to be put in a position where you felt like you had to do that for someone’s wedding? There would be all the stress of alterations and worrying that you had to be a certain size for the dress that has been ordered, that’s a lot of pressure and there’s a fair chance of failure because losing weight is hard!

Your friend is right that you should be at her wedding feeling happy and in a place where you can be supportive rather than worrying about how you look, as it obviously is a big deal to you. You’re not wrong to feel hurt, but I don’t think your friend has done anything wrong either.

My best friend was 8 months pregnant at my wedding and we had her dress made for her in the same fabric as my other bridesmaid as I couldn't imagine getting married without her. If she hadn't been pregnant and was a size 10 / 14 / 24 whatever she would still have been my bridesmaid. She was and is more important than the look of a dress.
Your friend is not a good friend OP.

"Knowing you've gone with the others to select dresses they love, without any discussion with me at all, leaving me to find out from a 'Team Bride' photo hasn't made me mu 'usually happy self' either funnily enough.

It's highly unusual to pick the bridesmaid dresses first then the bridesmaids to fit that specific look... usually the role of bridesmaid is based on friendship rather than dress measurements.

So while you apparently didn't want to make me feel unhappy or uncomfortable, by excluding me and then blaming it on my weight you've done both. Thanks for that."