To think my friend doesn’t want me as a bridesmaid because of my size...?

[Dandylioness1]

One of my very close friends got engaged a few months ago.

We’ve been friends for a long time and over the years she has always made references to me being a bridesmaid when she gets married.

This afternoon she tagged 4 friends on Facebook
introducing them as her “team bride”.

I felt really upset about it, but still, I messaged her to say congratulations on the team bride.

She replied saying she really wanted me to be a part of it but it wouldn’t have been right for me.
I replied asking her what she meant by that.

(SEE THE SCREENSHOT OF HER REPLY)

Last year I had a baby and I’ve gained weight since becoming pregnant (nearly 3stone ) I do feel awful about myself, which I’ve told my friend several times.

I appreciate she thinks she’s taking my feelings into consideration, but I feel so hurt at her reasons for not asking me to be a bridesmaid.

All 4 girls she’s picked are super stick thin (as is my friend) maybe size 8/10’s, I’m a size 16/18 and I can’t help but feel I’d ruin the “image” if she picked me and that’s exactly why she hasn’t asked me.

She is right that I wouldn’t feel great in that dress right now, but her wedding isn’t until May next year which would’ve given me plenty of time to lose some weight!!

AIBU to think she doesn’t want me in her team bride because of how I look, she’s thinking more about having “perfect” pictures, and just using my feelings as an excuse?

Omg. Not a lot shocks me these days on MN. But what an absolute horror. So a "dream bridesmaids" dress means more to her than true friendship? Fuck her.

Does she have a point OP?

What a vile woman.

That is absolutely disgusting.

I had 4 bridesmaids, 2 were a size 8, 1 a size 18 and 1 a size 24. I asked them all to choose what dresses they loved and matched colours because they are my friends, no matter what size, no matter what they look like, because I love them for them.

Please get rid OP, you deserve better. I'm so sorry and don't you dare question your self worth because you've put weight on, baby or not. ♥️

She sounds horrible, especially given the time you have to lose some weight if you want to. She's saying the dresses are more important than your feelings, whilst pretending it's all about saving your feelings.

What do I even say back to that? I really do feel so upset by it. 😔

What a deeply unpleasant person she is. I wouldn't go to her wedding

She is a bitch and you are worth 200 of her xxx

She’s getting her own way while pretending to “be kind” to you, she’s doing it all for you.I could cope with the former. I couldn’t cope with the later. I find it quite abusive. That’s really shocked and saddened me.

So she's more bothered about having specific dresses for her wedding than the actual people she is supposed to care about.

I despair, I really do.

She's clearly not a true friend OP and you deserve better

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

Right. That's exactly how you put someone's feelings first. Prioritising the dress style you've "set your heart on" over the actual humans you profess to care for.

She could have had the other 3 wear the fucking dress and had OP choose a style she liked that flattered her in the same colour. Or be like a normal human, choose the bridal party first, and then make sure they all had an outfit that worked for them.

Oofff she is an awful friend.
She cares more about the dresses than her close friend, how shit of her. Bin her off you deserve better.

Your reply:

“Yeh we’re done”

And that’s it.

What a crappy crappy thing to do. You should not be friends with her. Either she is prioritising a DRESS over her friend, or she is lying about why she doesn’t want you as a bridesmaid. Either way nasty nasty nasty. It’s not you it’s her. I would look for other friends

Wow, before I read her message I thought it was possible you might be taking her the wrong by way, but NOPE she’s 100% a superficial cunt.

@TheLightSideOfTheMoon

She sounds like she’s genuinely trying to put your feelings first.

I’d also feel uncomfortable in certain clothes and it would make me self concious.

I think she’s trying to be a good friend.

Of course she is

Wow! She’s tried to make that sound like she’s doing you a favour, get her to fck

Oh love, that's so hurtful. No one's worth that kind of meaness. I'd be moving on to my other, better friends. You dont need that. She sounds like a pretty rubbish sort of friend if she'd put the style of her BM dresses over a close friend!
Spend your time with people who value you for who you are, not what you look like

“Team bride”?

Choosing your bridesmaid dresses before even being engaged?

Ditching a mate from your wedding over a fucking dress style? She’s an absolute dick.

Don’t go to the stupid fucking insta bull shit wedding. Don’t stay friends with someone so utterly superficial and nasty.

Btw this is ideal tabloid fodder.

Who on earth has a “dream bridesmaid’s dress” anyway? She sounds insane actually. Take a massive step back from that one. Don’t go to the wedding, obviously.

Honestly with friends like that who needs enemies.

Ditch that bitch.

Sorry but your friend isn’t a good friend. She should have at least asked you and said I’ve got my heart set on such and such dress if you wouldn’t want to wear it that’s ok il understand but would you want too? She’s the one who kept mentioning it to you!!

I can’t stand bridezillas though lol

Your friend sounds like an awful vain, self centred person.

Also please don't feel bad about yourself for gaining wait due to having a baby. You've created a life, which is amazing

Wow.

If you were my very close friend, I'd bend over backwards to make sure you had a dress that you looked and felt fabulous in. That would be the end of the friendship for me.