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To turn down this gift from my in laws?

(308 Posts)
WankPuffins Thu 22-Oct-20 13:53:11

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

OP’s posts: |
MaosChaos Thu 22-Oct-20 13:57:09

Could you not get a new coat, winter boots, bag and an outfit you could wear to the pub with friends. Something you like. And get new undies, PJ's, leggings etc??

SimplyPizza Thu 22-Oct-20 13:58:24

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

So take her up on her nice offer then. Do you not deserve nice things? Why??

Curioushorse Thu 22-Oct-20 13:59:25

So I think it sounds like you really need this!

LemonBreeland Thu 22-Oct-20 13:59:52

You don't have to get super smart clothes from the personal shopper experience. You can get stuff that is you. More leggings and jumpers if that's what you want. They are there to help dress you for your life.

Your MIL can obviously tell you need a treat, and I think it would be silly to turn it down.

JemimaTiggywinkle Thu 22-Oct-20 14:00:00

I’m not sure how you can turn this down without it becoming some kind of big deal.

Maybe explain your requirements to the stylist and hopefully they can recommend you some good quality, comfortable, practical clothes. So you can get some new stuff but don’t have to have a complete overhaul and buy lots of things you’ll never wear.

I’m in a similar position, work from home, no social occasions coming up, so I’m just wearing comfy stuff. But I have just bought two new pure wool jumpers and it has cheered me up a bit, even though I’m just wearing them in the house.

SquishySquirmy Thu 22-Oct-20 14:00:30

Nice clothes dont HAVE to be uncomfortable! If the stylist is any good, they will surely take into account what you need from your clothes and what you will use them for? Tell them that you want the majority of the clothes to be easily washable, and allow you to move freely. Then who cares if they get messy? You wash them as normal and they are in no way ruined!
You post sounds like you would actually some nice clothes, but that you think it is "pointless". You sound quite down on yourself too.

If you really dont want the gift, let your MIL know (if she has time to cancel). But it might he better than you think...

WankPuffins Thu 22-Oct-20 14:00:36

@SimplyPizza because I’d never wear them. I’ve bought nice bits in the past but they’ve just hung unworn for years.

@MaosChaos coat/shoes would be an idea but it sounds more outfit based if you see what I mean.

OP’s posts: |
MatildaTheCat Thu 22-Oct-20 14:02:06

Well it does sound as if your wardrobe could do with a bit of attention 😊. You could explain to your In Laws that you’d feel a bit uncomfortable with all this but would like to replace some of your worn out clothes. Then buy some really good quality basics. Doesn’t have to be fancy but everyone needs a decent coat, boots, a few warm jumpers etc?

bestbefore Thu 22-Oct-20 14:02:19

Just get some nicer 'leisure' bits then - plenty of leggings or layers you can get to build up some new items for every day wear. I think it sounds ace.

GreenGoldRed Thu 22-Oct-20 14:02:51

@WankPuffins you sound depressed. You are so unkind to yourself in this post. I think there is more going on then this gift. You mention no friends, your clothes being worn out and looking like shit. I definitely don’t think you should turn this down. Sounds like you need some new clothes, but I also wonder if you need some help for your mood.

ToastyCrumpet Thu 22-Oct-20 14:03:40

I would say a really nice coat and boots would use up £500 very well. Go for it!

Florencex Thu 22-Oct-20 14:03:45

Would you not like a little bit of a refresh? I think the session and any suggestions would be tailored to your needs / wants. The stylist won’t care what is currently in your wardrobe.

I had a similar (albeit in person) session about ten years ago, it was fun and I picked up some good tips such as what colours, lengths, styles work best on me. She also gave me tips on skincare and showed me how to apply makeup properly.

WankPuffins Thu 22-Oct-20 14:04:30

I think I’ve just got Trimmy and Suzannah in my head grin

You know when they used to dress someone up like they were going to a ball and they would be like “....umm I only walk the dog, this is ridiculous”, and they would do a whole segment of them dressed to the nines buying milk from the co op?

I think that’s the vision I have of the experience in my head!

OP’s posts: |
StickTheKettleOnAlice Thu 22-Oct-20 14:05:07

OP I understand where you are coming from but think you should take your MIL up on the offer. During the video call you can let the stylist know that the outfits have to be comfortable, practical and versatile so that you can wear them day to day. Comfortable clothes don't have to look worn and cheap and can look really nice when put together in the right way. There is a middle ground. I'm sure the stylist will work with you to get the look you're most comfortable with. This is a lovely gift you could end up regretting... I'm so jealous!

BluebellCockleshell123 Thu 22-Oct-20 14:05:35

What a lovely idea from your MIL. Don’t turn it down!

You don’t have to get “smart” clothes. The stylist should be taking the requirements from you - so tell her you need comfortable, practical clothing that washes well. Good quality leggings or posh trackie bottoms, a few jumpers, some new boots or a coat. What a treat!

SquishySquirmy Thu 22-Oct-20 14:05:44

Do you think it is pointless because you are not worth it?

Because if that's the case then I can assure you that you are.

If you feel happy with how you look and dress, then you don't need to change a thing (no matter how "scruffy" you are!) But I don't get the impression that you are happy with yourself at the moment... New clothes might be a nice confidence boost? It is so easy to fall into a rut in our lives, and sometimes the little things are what help us to get ourselves out.

StickTheKettleOnAlice Thu 22-Oct-20 14:06:17

Oh and what's the worst that can happen you get some free stuff! It's a win win smile

standupsitdownturnaround Thu 22-Oct-20 14:07:54

I know what you mean OP and I do think these kind gestures with good intentions tread a fine line of being too overbearing.

Having said that, if you think you can be assertive if necessary and say you want a nice set of clothes for cleaning in then go for it.

If the stylist is worth their salt they should enjoy the challenge. If you hve an email exchange with them prior to the meeting then be extra clear: you do not want clothes for socialising at this stage, you want clothes for activities with young kids and cleaning and cooking.

Florencex Thu 22-Oct-20 14:08:09


I think I’ve just got Trimmy and Suzannah in my head grin

You know when they used to dress someone up like they were going to a ball and they would be like “....umm I only walk the dog, this is ridiculous”, and they would do a whole segment of them dressed to the nines buying milk from the co op?

I think that’s the vision I have of the experience in my head!

No it won’t be like that, the stylist won’t be unkind, Suzanna and Trinny had to make watchable TV.

I think you should do it, as I posted above, my similar day was really good and made me feel better about myself. I think your MIL has been quite thoughtful with her gift As it does sound like you need a wardrobe rehaul and you would probably feel better for it too.

Knittedfairies Thu 22-Oct-20 14:08:18

I think it's a lovely idea if it's come from a kind heart - and it sounds as if that is the case. Talk to the personal shopper; they won't dress you for Ascot if you don't want them to!

LandyLow Thu 22-Oct-20 14:08:32

I'm the exact same. What you described is my wardrobe and what I wear. I recently replaced all of my old clothes with the same but new versions. Leggings, tshirts, couple of jumpers, new socks and pants, etc. So it's still basically what I was wearing before but new versions and it's made me feel so much better in myself just knowing that they're new. I wouldn't class them as nice clothes but they're new and not shabby or stained, etc. Can you not do this?

nevertrustaherdofcows Thu 22-Oct-20 14:08:39

A really, really good, long waterproof warm coat with room for a sling underneath

Some velour trackies and hoodies.

big jumpers

It will soon be gone!!

showgirlie Thu 22-Oct-20 14:10:17

Wow this runs deep and has hit a nerve as you sound like my mother, like you want to keep your 'good' or 'best' clothes for some special occasion! If you want to feel better then just wear them, embrace them!

so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got.* - also to this point, everyone sees you wearing the clothes when you put them on your body so they see these 'bits of crap' anytime you're out, more importantly you see yourself in these bits of crap! Start living for today not tomorrow, if you're anything like my mother you have low self esteem so let me tell you that you deserve to wear something nice 😊

WankPuffins Thu 22-Oct-20 14:11:00

@GreenGoldRed I live with depression. I’m actually a mental health nurse by trade, so I have a good grip on what to do etc. But this is just who I am. I am a very insular person hence no friends - i mentioned that as it’s one of the reason (apart from money as I’m not working at the moment) that I/we don’t do out or do much So I don’t need anything for going to pub etc.

It makes me feel down about myself as I so want to look nice but there is no point. I see nice dresses and things that I’d love to buy but never do as I’d never put them on.

Maybe I will take the gift and see if I can get sorts wear? I do a lot of waking. But I think it’s More a fashion thing. MIL and SIL are really into fashion and designer clothes etc.

(I wear scrubs or .... leggings and t shirts when working and work perm night shifts, so wouldn’t need clothes for when I go back to work).

OP’s posts: |

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