To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

[BessMarvin]

It could be your mil has actually given her this brief.

[BessMarvin]

Maybe the stylist thinks that she's going to convince you to wear completely different clothes, that you just need a push and then you'll be all tearful and amazed that you can't believe how you look and you're so happy etc. When actually you are perfectly happy as you are and just need some new clothes thanks.

[Jeremyironseverything]

Yes, it would have been better for you just to have the money. Still, you'll end up with some newer versions of your old clothes and mil will feel good because she wrongly believes she helped you have a lovely experience as well as some new clothes.

[Whatup]

Gucci do sweat pants love. Get some really nice leggings and t shirts.

[Ddot]

What a daft moo, it'll be fine this time if you stand fast, just remember she's not your friend you dont have to see or deal with her ever again. Get you stuff and enjoy it.

[WankPuffins]

Mil called to ask how it went, I told her it was great. It was so nice of her I didn’t want to bring down what was a lovely thought.

Her treats have form for falling a bit flat - she bought me vouchers for a hair cut when I was pregnant with my middle child - the hair stylist kept going on and on for the whole time about how her friend lost her baby at 20 weeks. I had to ask her to be quiet in the end as she was upsetting me). So that was fun. (Didn’t fell mil about that either!)

[GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly]

Similar thread this week but much more successful as not done remotely
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty/4057850-Booked-an-appointment-with-John-Lewis-stylist

[GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly]

@WankPuffins oh that sounds rubbish especially as it's just added another cog into online shopping - annoying if you want to return things and its her account.

The success of it I think is to go into the shops and try things on and have someone do the legwork while you sit in a nice spacious area and try things at your leisure

Well done for getting things you'd actually want to wear though.

[Ddot]

Stand your ground sweetie no good if its sitting in drawer. Remember coat boots lounge wear and one nice frock (boden) do lovely ones that look good dressed up or down x

[Ladybyrd]

God, she sounds annoying. Sorry OP.

Still, take the clothes and don't feel bad. It wasn't your idea.

[WankPuffins]

UPDATE!

So I had the video call with the stylist this afternoon.

I was very positive about everything and told her exactly what my lifestyle was and what I needed.

She was very nice but not at all on the same wave length. She had made a mood board of ideas based on what I’d told her in an email (the same thing as I told her in this call) and had put together a slide show of ideas.

None of them were what I asked for.

She kept saying she wanted to shake me out of my comfort zone and that I should walk the dog in heels and garden in a ball gown if I wanted to. Christ knows where she got the impression that I wanted to do that

She had picked out a handful of very beautiful but very impractical for my life outfits. I said that I wanted loungewear, our door clothes. She just kept telling me to shake up my style.

It was very frustrating for me actually.

She reluctantly said she would find some lounge wear from ASOS as she can get a discount and would order the list of things I’d put together myself (I found a lovely parka and some boots). I can internet shop myself So what’s the point? I was skeptical in the first place but I really can’t see the point in this service.

I feel so terrible because I don’t know how much PIL paid for her services but she was awful

I’d honestly rather just online shop for myself. The money isn’t tied to her but the deal is, she will order the clothes and MIL will pay her up to the budget as usually it would be cheaper as she gets
discounts from certain brands.

I knew it sounded like a crap way of doing things from the start, I’d rather have just had the money for clothes rather than this futile palaver . So now I’m inbetween a rock and a hard place really.

I can’t tell MIL as she’s so bloody lovey and was so happy about this treat.

Grrrr!!!

[Ddot]

Doc martens cut off joggers, big jumper, coat, party frock done

[makingmammaries]

OP, I’d also be nonplussed by that kind of gift, but you’ve handled it perfectly.

Your lifestyle sounds fine to me, at least the parts of it which are choices. There is no obligation to want fancy clothes, meals out, or a gang of friends. The bin bag comment made me laugh.

[Frannibananni]

So get $500 worth of active wear😀 the gift is yours to do with as you please.

[Ddot]

Bless you sweetie, get some practical stuff and a lovely dress. You can put that dress on in the bedroom, look in the mirror, dance round the room, then take off. Its surprisingly therapeutic x

[Felifox]

I bought an Aquacustum overcoat in 2000, it covers casual clothes. To dress up I wear classic casual, an expensive tshirt or comfortable sweater, decent trousers polished shoes, a scarf and decent handbag, things that don't date. How lovely of your mil to treat you. Stick to your style but well made in a lovely natural fabric. I prefer fewer clothes but better quality.

Round the house I wear joggers, don't mind if the visiting cats and dogs muck them up. I bought them first during a cold winter to keep me warm at night.

[bemusedmoose]

Surely it doesn't have to be that posh - a good warm coat like a weatherproof parka, nice jeans, warm every day boots (proper uggs or emu that are super comfy and go with everything) a loose jumper dress that you can just chuck on. You can still have comfy and practical. I know how you feel - i use to have good stuff and now I just live in jeggings and loose tops or jumper dresses with flip flops or boots. But you can have nicer but comfy new stuff and not worry about messing it up - they are only clothes at the end of the day xxx she is trying to make you feel better in yourself and cheer you up, which it sounds like you need xxx get hubby to take you out for a nice coffee or a something in your new comfy stuff and just take a minute for you because you deserve it. You have spent 18 years putting your beautiful babies first and now someone else is putting you first - go with it xx

[Suzi888]

@Laiste

So have all new (and better quality?) versions of what you've got!

Lovely new t shirts, new leggings (different colours as well maybe?) new jeggings, new sweatshirts or hoodie. Something a bit posh and really soft or pretty.

What ever your footwear - get some new/better brand ones.

I could spend £500 on comfy stuff at the drop of a hat

Do some googling and get ready to explain to the personal shopper that you just want to refurbish your existing pieces :)

^^ this.

[Beachhappy]

Super generous of the in-laws, thank them and say I’m just going to exchange for a good pair of black trousers a decent waterproof coat and wellies boots as that’s where I’m at right now, maybe a dress I could dress up or down, for family gatherings!

[Ddot]

I agree with some of the comments, a good coat, nice warm boots and if any left how about a designer cardigan or jumper dress. Oh just thought Hunter wellies! Just discuss with personal shopper, stand your ground. NO I want this, thankyou. Its your voucher. Use covid as excuse if you need to. Nowhere to go, is there. A good coat will last you for decades. Dont go for overly fashionable one a classic style will never get tired. And have fun xxxxx

[Ladybyrd]

And Trinnie and Susannah were for entertainment purposes. I think any stylist who went rooting through the bottom of the laundry basket, shaming clients, wouldn't be in work very long!

[Ladybyrd]

Take it. You deserve nice things. She wants to give you nice things. Take the nice things.

When you do have somewhere to go, you'll have something to wear. And "loungewear" is all the rage at the moment with covid - nothing to be embarrassed about. Just give her examples of things you like.

[samqueens]

PS If breastfeeding: cake maternity, cache Coeur or bravado (all actually comfy)
If not breastfeeding then: www.rigbyandpeller.com/en-gb/
(But it’s better if you can get fitted)
Enjoy!!

[samqueens]

I hope you do it - I think you’ll be surprised how comfy quality clothes can be... leggings and joggers etc in really good quality fabrics look better, wash better and last longer than their cheaper counterparts. I wear really comfy clothes all day at home with my toddler and often do the school run in my pjs but they look nice (think leggings and tunics) so you wouldn’t know except the hair probably gives it away!! Make fabric a priority - merino jumpers wash well and last well, don’t shed and are less hassle than cashmere as a good one won’t bobble - washable pen and paint washes out! Sweaty Betty do lovely joggers, often in cheerful colours, Sundry tracksuits are super soft, agree protected species coats, or Stutterheim raincoats.

My favourite thing right now is my emu boots - have had for several years, don’t even need socks, just slip on for the school run but toasty toes and completely waterproof and look decent:

www.emuaustralia.com/uk/all-footwear/duke/W11898.html?dwvar_W11898_colourName=OAK#start=1&sz=24

Comfy, leisurewear:
sundryclothing.com/

www.sweatybetty.com/shop/bottoms/gary-luxe-fleece-trousers-SB6435_BeetleBlue.html?cgid=bottoms&dwvar_SB6435__BeetleBlue_color=beetleblue&tile=17#start=17


Woolens:
www.woolovers.com/womens/jumpers/womens-pure-merino-stripe-jumper-14139

www.brora.co.uk/fnlj963kf9904

Outerwear:
protected species / rains / stutterheim / didricksons

As previous posters have said - do not be persuaded to buy anything for a lifestyle you don’t have...
Once you’ve got the things don’t fall into the trap of saving them for best - if they stylist is any good the clothes will take what you throw at them, and make you feel good while they do it!

(I think I want the stylist’s job!!)

[Localocal]

I would get a nice coat and one nice not-too-fancy outfit that you could wear out to dinner or the cinema. This covid will pass some day and there will surely be occasions when you want something nicer to wear. It sounds like you don't feel it's ok to wear something nice if you don't "need" to, but still find them compelling. So let MIL treat you to something, and then wear it to sit in a beer garden with someone!