To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

[checkingforballoons]

Ooh! If you love walking, could one of the things you buy be a really good quality outdoorsy coat? Practical, would last for years and it would help you enjoy your walks?

[Jaxhog]

PS. They won't judge you - they'll make you feel really special.

[gubbbbbddaaaa]

Sounds like your dh has been talking to them about your clothing .. why would you just wear leggings , they are horrible things ! Take the money and try something new .

[MikeUniformMike]

If you like hiking you can get a decent coat and hiking boots or some quality techy stuff. You can wear them for the school run if you like. Get stuff you'll get mileage out of. You don't need to get the same clothes as your MIL & SIL at all.

[VinylDetective]

[quote WankPuffins]@RoseTintedAtuin I think that’s the way to go. As lovey as she is, I know she would be disappointed if all I got was comfy clothes.[/quote]
I bet she wouldn’t. I imagine she’s really saddened to see you in worn out clothes full of holes and would love to see you in decent new leggings/joggers, jumpers, t-shirts and trainers or boots. All the stuff you wear now but new and updated. It’s how we’re all dressing now - or at least most of us because none of us go anywhere much!

[Iwonder08]

OP, it is a great present, do accept it. I can assure you nice lloking clothes doesn't mean uncomfortable. You can absolutely find a comfortable, nice looking coat/jacket you can wear for walks, 1 reasonable dress and maybe a cashmere jumper? It would be just a nicer looking better quality version of your style

[WankPuffins]

I think I’m going to call her for a chat about it. She knows I know, she told Dh to tell me and ask for brands that I like. But Dh didn’t ask any questions So it’s useless asking him more (he was working so I’ll forgive him), but apparently
she did say ‘fashion brands’, so I don’t think she has leggings or walking boots in mind. But we’ll see.

She’s never really commented on what I wear, but I do tend to wear less worn out things when in her company! She’s only made the odd comment on how it’s funny to her that I’m not into clothes or make up, not in a horrible way though, she’s Italian so all the women in her family that I’ve met/have heard about have been really into how they look and fashion.

I’ll speak to her and have a conversation about the sort of clothes I’d want - she’s really into anything to do with fashion so I will ask her advice on brands so I don’t seem like a brat asking for certain things.

[Leaannb]

YABU...Only because you are putting yourself down. Your post really resonated with me because like you I have spent 25 years chasing after children. With such large age gaps I literally had one starting reception and one moving into dorms at Uni on the same day. I also have very little clothes. I jave one pair of jeans,one short sleeve top and 1 sweater. The rest are my scrubs. Instead of one nice outfit for parwnts night or doctors appointments, I have dress scrubs. At 50 years old I decided to be nice to myself. Accept the gift, Wear them to do the school run and on shopping days and for goodness sakes wear them when you take yourself out to lunch or a cup of coffee. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it

[Mischance]

I cannot think of a present that I would want less! How truly awful! Does she not know you at all? Or is she trying to smarten you up? - in which case it would just make me cross.

As others have said - just use the experience to get things that you want - stock up on those things you feel comfortable in - do not feel badgered into stuff that you will never wear.

Personally I cannot stand all this makeover crap - and as a present it feels a bit insulting, as if you need "doing good to."

[GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly]

[quote WankPuffins]@Nanny0gg I was thinking along the lines of what MIL and SIL wear. Really nice clothes. Stuff I’d feel stiff in and wouldn’t want the refluxy baby puking on.[/quote]
@WankPuffins I haven't read all the posts but I think most I've seen that have been to a personal shopper (including my own) confirm the shopper wants to find you things to YOUR taste. Just update what you have.

Update your 'crappy' tshirts for 5 x new tshirts (3 long sleeve / 2 short sleeve) £120
3 xjumpers (2 for everyday 1 more dressy for Christmas)£150
New jeans £80
New coat or boots £100
PJs/ lounge wear £50 or a nice hat / scarf set
You can just replace some of your worn / tatty stuff. Sometimes it feels awkward to spend money on yourself but it's a big birthday refresh your wardrobe. You would probably buy your kids new clothes gladly, you deserve some too.

I understand it feels awkward to have someone else focus on your clothing but they are there to help, probably like shopping more than you, and will be familiar with what's in the shops.
I would do it socially distanced and go to a Dept store together I think it would be more awkward and take longer over Zoom.

[Aridane]

Sounds a fantastic idea and something you really need

[WankPuffins]

@Leaannb

YABU...Only because you are putting yourself down. Your post really resonated with me because like you I have spent 25 years chasing after children. With such large age gaps I literally had one starting reception and one moving into dorms at Uni on the same day. I also have very little clothes. I jave one pair of jeans,one short sleeve top and 1 sweater. The rest are my scrubs. Instead of one nice outfit for parwnts night or doctors appointments, I have dress scrubs. At 50 years old I decided to be nice to myself. Accept the gift, Wear them to do the school run and on shopping days and for goodness sakes wear them when you take yourself out to lunch or a cup of coffee. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it

@Leaannb I had my first at 22 and just had my 3rd (and last!) at 40. So when she’s 18, ill have done 36 years of children! Not complaining, but it sounds scary!

[giantangryrooster]

Haven't RTFT sorry, but have to say that is a nice and inventive gift.

Do accept it, talk to the shopper instead of mil. You don't have to buy clothes you will never wear (as I'm sure pp have said repeatedly) buy what you usually wear just in better quality.

Ime when you get dc, you tend to shop for them either because of finances or because you cba to shop for yourself , so do take the chance to stock up .

[Etinox]

@GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly has some great suggestions.
OP make a mood board to send to the shopper in advance.
Not suggesting these are relevant to you, but if you start thinking you’ll not get rail roaded into something you don’t like.

[ktp100]

You don't even have to show a personal shopper your current wardrobe, hun.

Just tell them you have kids & go nowhere. That you neither desire nor require more dresses and heals etc.

Nothing wrong with getting jeans, tops and boots with the money. Maybe one more dress for eg family parties, but honestly who cares if not?

I think you're overthinking re what the experience will be about.

[ktp100]

A mood board?!! WTF?

Who cares enough, nevermind has the time?!!!

[JenniferSantoro]

Your MIL sounds like an absolute gem. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself, even if it’s just very casual wear. You don’t need to go and get very dressy outfits. What about cosy pyjamas, gym wear, leggings and nice t-shirts.

[OnTheBenchOfDoom]

I treated myself to a lovely knee length waterproof coat for the school run, I think it was about £200, best thing I ever bought. I could fit a fleece top underneath for snow days and paired it with some toasty snow boots. I actually miss doing a school run.

If you are an outdoors person think coats, gorgeous scarves, hats, gloves, walking boots, or walking socks. Alternatively, lovely comfy leggings/joggers/loungewear.

It sounds like your MIL just wants to cheer you up a bit.

[ktp100]

Also, forgot to say, please don't feel bad about yourself because other women in the family are into fashion etc, in my experience many women who 'look after themselves' are really rather insecure and wouldn't have the confidence to go out without makeup etc.

I think it's great that you reject all of that. It's really not necessary.

If you want it, great. If you don't, also great!

[Nimello]

OP, your MIL sounds lovely.

Machine-washable cashmere is my one suggestion. I spend a lot of time at home and I can't bear being uncomfortable. I live in over-sized cashmere jumpers and leggings. Cashmere is mostly from M&S or charity shops.

Buy bigger than your actual size, as even machine-washable cashmere shrinks a bit. I have quite a few men's cashmere jumpers, which I love, as they're properly oversized.

[altiara]

You sound like you need some new clothes (not smart clothes, just clothes without holes). So good quality leggings, a few jumpers, coat, soon be spent!
I think 1 smarter comfortable outfit sounds a good idea.
Just don’t buy anything that you wouldn’t wear. The only rule!

[Runningdownthathill]

What about a couple of pairs of jeans that fit really well and are comfortable? A couple of nice jumpers and a pair of decent boots and a coat? You need those things to go walking. You'll be amazed how much better you will feel about yourself and it might kick start other changes. Maybe try going out once a month for a meal or a drink? Your life sounds quite tough. I wouldn't turn the gift down , make the best use of it for your lifestyle.

[Nanny0gg]

[quote WankPuffins]@Nanny0gg I was thinking along the lines of what MIL and SIL wear. Really nice clothes. Stuff I’d feel stiff in and wouldn’t want the refluxy baby puking on.[/quote]
No! Get the shopper to get what suits you. Comfy clothes for walking. And just because you're at home, you don't have to wear ratty t shirts

[Appuskidu]

I’d get some decent bras, a couple of pairs of lovely pyjamas, jeans and some new tops, boots, a couple of jumpers and a coat.

[Disappointedkoala]

I think this is great! I'd get some good fitting jeans/jeggings that will last a while, nice boots or trainers, maybe a nice rucksack or cross body bag for every day use, nice jumpers or tops.