To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

Better you buy things you will actually wear than things which will languish at the back of your wardrobe.

[BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz]

And if she asks what you bought, tell her sexy lingerie then you can justifiably not show her.

[FinallyHere]

if she asks what you bought, tell her sexy lingerie then you can justifiably not show her.

Genius.

[rookiemere]

Tell the stylist what you're looking for and she should be able to suggest brands. I'm older than you so probably not on trend but for that budget I'd be looking at Mint Velvet, John Lewis, White Stuff and good old M&S.

[katy1213]

This sounds a lovely, thoughtful gift and just what you need to give you a kickstart. Tell the stylist you need clothes for everyday - and then wear them! You're really not going to ruin a nice winter coat just by going for a walk, are you?

[LittleGwyneth]

In the nicest possible way, it sounds like you need new clothes. Get a coat, some nice leggings, some good quality t-shirts and some nice underwear. Maybe a really nice jumper.

You don't have to be a fashion oriented person to deserve some nice quality basics which will last.

[SunshineCake]

T-shirts, not thirsts but has made me think you could take your MIL out for a drink, wearing your new clothes, to say thank you.

[OliviaBenson]

I think you need to love yourself more. You can wear nicer (but practical) things. It also sounds like you need to throw out your old things- they can't be your go to wardrobe if you don't have them.

You are worth investing in. No to buying sparkly dresses but yes to buying decent and comfortable basics.

Clothes are our armour- they can have a huge impact upon how you feel in yourself day to day.

[Eviebeans]

Hi OP take up the offer - I don't think there should be any problem with getting what you want/need out of the experience - they are providing a service after all - be completely honest about your lifestyle and your needs e.g don't need stilettos but would love trainers/walking shoes etc and you could be very pleasantly surprised.

[Graciebobcat]

The clothes will be much nicer, much nicer than the ones you already have. It's such a thoughtful gift and really handy if you have lost loads of weight, there will be tons more clothes you feel comfortable in now.

[Floralnomad]

Just tell your MIL that although it’s a lovely offer you think that at this time it would just be wasting her money and you would just rather have x or y and choose a coat or boots or something that you would like . What on earth is the point of doing this if it’s not really your thing and not the type of clothes you would wear . I can’t see how that can offend her .

[checkingforballoons]

Oh do it OP! I decided a few months ago to stop saving clothes for ‘best’ and it’s been lovely.
You say you like 50’s/60’s style clothes? You could easily find 50’s shaped jersey dresses or 60’s patterned tunics to wear with leggings or tights. That wouldn’t be too different from leggings and a t-shirt.
I really hope you go for it, what a lovely gift

[CeibaTree]

@WankPuffins

I’m hesitant to spent all that Money on new comfy clothes Incase she’s put out by it. She’s really nice, I don’t want her to think I’m taking the piss.

Just tell her that's what the stylist suggested - she can't argue with that :) Get some nice new pyjamas/underwear if you don't want to get day clothes. It's a really nice and thoughtful gift.

[Laiste]

OK OP. Go to the style and beauty forum here on Mumnsnet

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/style_and_beauty

and start a thread about the present and asking for ideas for spending £500 on what YOU want to spend it on. Tell us your size and shape and exactly what you want to come away with in the end.

Trust me they'll fall over themselves on there to do lots of lovely links for you. It's what it's for! (i'll be over there later :))

As for MIL - she sounds lovely - have a chat and tell her you'd love to replace all your everyday clothes and throw in some luxury lounge wear too and ask if that's ok?

1. she can't really say no
   
2. say the luxury word and she'll be happy that you're treating yourself!

[BigBadBox]

[quote WankPuffins]@BigBadBox I’ve got a thing for 1950s and 60s clothing. So if I buy or want anything nice it’s vintage or repro - they are so impractical for just being in the house! I get uncomfortable very quickly and reach for the holey leggings![/quote]
That's what you need to tell the stylist Practical clothes are a must, and anything with a 50s/60s look would be brilliant.

I wouldn't worry about disappointing your mil, she must know you aren't as into fashion and dressing up as she is, I'm sure she's just expecting a nicer, newer version of your normal clothes. And if you are worried you can just blame the stylist

[Ferrari458]

Get nice comfy clothes. Decent leggings/jeggings. Good quality t shirts with a nice pattern. Some lovely jumpers. A fairly casual tunic dress that you could wear on the odd occasion when you do go out, even if it's just for a family walk. Some really nice boots. This is a kind offer and I suspect she thought really hard about it.

[Searchesforhipbones]

USE the stylist. Tell her a version of what you've told us. You don't want to waste clothes, you tend to keep good 'for good', for clothes to work for you they need to be comfy, absolutely washable, not so nice that you never wear them.

I really hear you because I went from being pencil skirts and heels to jeans and jumpers to back to an office to back to freelancing with small kids. Now I only shop really good quality casual stuff because that's what I get wear out of.

So I have a lovely Uniqlo washable heat tech parka, some nice cashmere sweaters that can be washed, a big chunky ribbed cardigan (or five) lovely lululemon leggings that are hardwearing and comfy, skinnies or straight legs (when I had babies, really comfy leggings were perfect and the best ones are from Tesco!) and really nice trainers and boots. I have one satchel type bag that I use for everything when I'm not just using the pockets of my parka, but it's a really nice leather satchel that will last for years.

It's just as fashionable a look right now.

Just also think that you're giving her a job! I paid a stylist £250 once and we trailed round a department store trying everything on (I got so bored of looking at stuff but that was okay as that was what she was there for! she was amazing!) I asked her ALL the questions about putting stuff together, she told me how to get the best discounts, what suited me etc. The value for money I got out of it was insane.

But you have to not be scared of them and really just be so honest and lay it out for them. A good stylist will relish the opportunity.

And after the styling session you'll likely never see her again so it doesn't matter if it feels a bit too intimate for one afternoon.

[TheBestSpoon]

Sorry to head off topic, but @FinallyHere, I have been looking for a coat like this for MONTHS to do the nursery run and use for work. I'm ordering it now. Even started a thread asking for recommendations of smart waterproof hooded coats and didn't find quite what I wanted. Thank you so much! This has totally made my day.

OP, I can only echo previous posters who say that this sounds like a really good opportunity to replace your worn-out clothes with good quality basics for day to day wear. I really need to do the same thing after having DS (nearly two years ago...), and I know how hard it is to take the first step. Having someone point you in the direction of ideas you may not have known or thought about (like the coat above) may be useful too. You can do it! And a good consultant will make sure you'll look lovely, but still like you, if you know what I mean.

[Searchesforhipbones]

Sorry, the really good tesco things are JEGGINGS, not leggings. autocorrect.

And I told my unbelievably posh and delightful stylist that I was living in Tesco jeggings and that this was the fashion level she was dealing with and she didn't bat an eyelash and just said 'yah well one can sometimes find a jean that just really WORKS for one' and carried on handing me things to try on.

[samuraimyths]

I also only like comfortable clothes! But you can get comfy clothes that look nice. Few jeggings, nice jumpers, pair of nice boots and a nice warm but practical washable jacket. 2 pairs of really comfy pjs etc - go for it OP, you deserve it totally! Just make sure the stylist understands your requirements.

[CommanderBurnham]

You don't need the clothes to look good necessarily, make a list of the things you'd like from your new clothes, eg. Comfortable, easy clean, natural fibres and see what they suggest. Loungewear is massive at the moment, and if that's what you need and that's what makes you feel good, then that's the brief you want to give to the stylist.

I'm sure a half decent personal shopper deals with all sorts of clients.

I booked a session in for when I reduced my working hours and needed a casual but comfortable and practical wardrobe. It was really good.

[CleverCatty]

I think you should as another poster said, take MIL up on offer but tell personal shopper what you need.

NDN mum friend of mine has 3 DC under 10 (youngest 5) - she admits she rarely goes out anywhere but last Christmas requested and got a really nice leather biker jacket - don't think it was the All Saints one but a nice one. Stuff she already wears daily is the usual practical mum jackets, coats etc - but she actually saw my DM when she came to see me - wearing Lucy & Yak dungarees and said they were nice. A really nice jumper, long sleeved top etc would be useful.

[GreeboIsMySpiritAnimal]

You absolutely need this, as it sounds like your self esteem could really use the boost!

Why shouldn't you have nice clothes? Sod everyone else, why not just wear lovely things because it makes you feel good.

I realised during lockdown that there was absolutely no point keeping things "for best", because the special events I'm saving them for may never happen., so I started wearing my "good" clothes, make up, jewellery and perfume whenever I felt like it. I'm wearing J Brand jeans and a gorgeous pale blue Brora cashmere sweater today. Only place I've been is the post office. Doesn't matter as they make me feel good!

[lightyearsahead]

You can buy nice leggings, a lovely pairs of boots, great jacket, a couple of comfy tops. A new particle bag that you can sling cross body.
Well done on going from a size 22 to size 16.
A new wardrobe - take it with grace. Take the expert help.
JL do a personal shopping service that is also very good.
You are not taking the piss and your MIL sounds lovely.

[thecakebadge]

To be honest I think you run the risk of sounding like a bit of a martyr. "Oh there's no point me having nice clothes, it's not like I've got anywhere to wear them, I don't do anything" It sounds a bit like you feel sorry for yourself and want other people to know it. I'm sorry if that's not the reality but I think you could easily come off as very ungrateful even if that's not the intention.

Surely you replace your clothes at some point, even if you just wear comfy things? When they get holes or wear out etc? If you can manage to get the right brands then you could end up with basically an identical wardrobe to the one you've got now, if that's what you want, but new versions. More expensive brands may even last a bit longer than your usual ones so you can go longer before needing to replace again.

If your MIL is very into designer fashion then I can see why this might seem a bit over the top. But like pp said, as long as you are upfront with the stylist straight away about the kinds of clothes you like, it's just a nice opportunity to get some new stuff.