To turn down this gift from my in laws?

[WankPuffins]

My in laws are lovely and I appreciate this is a nice problem to have.

It was my 40th earlier this year but I was having an awful pregnancy, suffering from HG, in and out of hospital. It wasn’t marked in anyway.

MIL has asked Dh for a list of my favourite clothes brands. She’s found a personal shopper/stylist who is doing an online personal online styling service that includes a (socially distance or video call) wardrobe ‘shop’ and makeover. It’s to the tune of £500 including new outfits. So really bloody generous of them as a belated 40th/early Christmas gift.

The thing is, I don’t wear anything other than old leggings and t shirts as I don’t go anywhere or do anything. Pre lockdown I only left the house for the school run really or family walks somewhere. We don’t have money to go out and about And I’ve got no friends so don’t meet up with anyone, so while it would be nice to have some lovely clothes, I’d never wear them.

And my god, my ‘wardrobe’ consists of crappy old t shits, a couple of jumpers, a couple of cheap dresses incase I ever have to look a bit smart (mainly for parents Evening or going to the doctor 😳), so it would be mortifying to have anyone see the bits of crap I’ve got. Honestly, a charity shop wouldn’t take most of the clothes I wear day to day they are too worn out.

Over the years I have had moments of wanting to look nicer, bought myself a few bits but then never wore them - don’t want to chuck them on just to drop off in the car for school, don’t want to come home and clean in them and then just spend all day playing on the floor with a baby or child, or get messy at a toddler group (I’ve had three kids over 18 years so I’ve never got out of the running around after a child phase!)

If I had anything nice now, it would be utterly pointless. I know I look like shit most of the time but honestly, nice clothes would be uncomfortable and get ruined.

Just thinking about it has made me feel really down about myself.

(I now realise I sound like a really pathetic slob reading that back).

[Ninkanink]

Lovely well made jumpers in quality fabrics would be good too, and/or a couple of comfortable tunics.

It really does make you feel great when you have some nice things to wear. And nice doesn’t have to mean something that you don’t feel comfortable in.

[thecakebadge]

Why do you equate looking nice/wearing nice clothes with feeling uncomfortable? I certainly don't think of myself as being scruffy but I can't remember the last time I wore a dress, or felt even slightly uncomfortable. Not an option for me, I spend most of my time either WFH, playing with DD on the floor or taking her to the park. Everything I wear is comfortable. But I like to think I look fairly nice and my clothes don't have holes in.

[CorianderLord]

If you live in tattered clothes then ask the stylist for new leggings, soft t-shirts, things to wear on the school run, jumpers and a coat or something. It's a PERSONAL stylist - not a designer outfit

[GrumblyMumblyisnotJumbly]

I was given a £200 personal shopping session at John Lewis and was very apprehensive about it beforehand. It was far better than I imagined. You can say what you want clothes for, in my case it was festival wear including new jeans. The stylist will soon work out what sort of things you like. If you don’t want dressy stuff there are plenty of options for nice loungewear these days. Also agree get a coat / boots and don’t think about what you would normally pay for them. It’s a treat to buy something you will get loads of wear out of but usually wouldn’t splurge on.

I would definitely do a personal shopping experience again and I am quite a private person.

Enjoy your new clobber

[thecakebadge]

e.g. you say 'I have bought nice things but I just go to the comfortable option' - all my nice things ARE comfortable!

[2020iscancelled]

I don’t understand this “I never go anywhere or do anything”

So your life is literally within the 4 walls of your house and the school run?

Is that all your life will ever be? Do you not hope to one day do things outside of the house?

Money doesn’t have to be an issue, there are free galleries, museums, heritage buildings, libraries, parks, walks....

I’m missing the point here I know, bc you’re saying having clothes is pointless because you effectively don’t need them due to living in a box

I’m sorry but I can’t get over “I never ever ever ever do anything so I might as well live in dirty leggings 7 days a week”

Get a pair or jeans, a snuggly decent winter jumper, some comfy flat boots and a nice bag or something...

[Nanny0gg]

[quote WankPuffins]@SimplyPizza because I’d never wear them. I’ve bought nice bits in the past but they’ve just hung unworn for years.

@MaosChaos coat/shoes would be an idea but it sounds more outfit based if you see what I mean.[/quote]
Why? Why won't you wear them?

They're clothes! Unless we're talking evening gowns, why can't you wear them every day?

[fassbendersmistress]

New clothes won’t be uncomfortable!!! It’s you that’s uncomfortable with the idea of it all, not the actual clothes.

Honestly OP, in the nicest possible way, give your head a wobble and get going. So you like leggings and t-shirts??? Then buy nice leggings and t-shirts. Nice jumpers even. New pjs....new underwear...GO FOR IT!!! You don’t have to buy fancy dresses and heels. It’s YOUR gift, your choice.

[serialreturner]

I did the personal shopper at HOF before fat Ashley ruined it when I was going back to work after mat leave and wanted to be a bit smarter and it was brilliant.

Really smart jeans, Karen Miller jumpers and a couple of dresses.

They brought me a glass of fizz and everything. I walked out feeling brilliant.

[fassbendersmistress]

Ps....

You say you’ve bought nice bits in the past but never worn them....

That’s precisely why you need help with shopping!!! Tell the shopper everything and if she or he is any good they’ll sort you out with stuff you will actually wear.

[NKFell]

@WankPuffins I once was given a personal shopper experience as a gift and I thought very similarly to you. I thought she would be telling me to wear this/that and it would be gear I'd never wear BUT it wasn't at all! She basically helped me find some really comfy flattering jeans, lots of sweaters and dresses- but I wear dresses and I told her this. A good personal shopper/stylist brings out your style and finds lovely clothes that you like. They're 'personal' remember, so if it's comfy stuff and you like leggings that'll be what they'll find you.

[WankPuffins]

@2020iscancelled when I work I work 12/13 hour night shifts so I’m Shattered and live somewhere where there isn’t that much to do. We make an effort to take the kids to Free places, but we all like walking/countryside. So muddy.

I’m a homebody. When we have money, we backpack - I’ve backpacked all over the world with my children over the past 18 years and will continue to do so when we can, so it’s not like I’ve never done anything in my life.

But yes, in general I’m happiest when I’m in my home, preferably with a baby I get that it’s not the life for everyone but I like being at home.

[Ninkanink]

Or maybe get yourself a few pairs of really luxurious pyjamas and a lovely new robe so you can feel special when you’re getting ready for bed/relaxing in the evening?

[WankPuffins]

@Nanny0gg I was thinking along the lines of what MIL and SIL wear. Really nice clothes. Stuff I’d feel stiff in and wouldn’t want the refluxy baby puking on.

[Ninkanink]

Otherwise spend it all on a few really good pairs of shoes. You can never go wrong with shoes/boots.

[RoseTintedAtuin]

There’s a way to satisfy all parties. I would do the following;

1. Set expectations. Explain your lifestyle, likes and needs to personal shopper. They need to adjust to your style not the other way round. Focus on leggings, jumpers, boots, t-shirts and comfort.
   
2. Only buy what you think you will wear day to day for the most part- make sure they can go in an easy wash cycle so no additional work for you.
   
3. Buy one nice outfit- vintage style to show off to your MIL and make a big deal of it with her laying on the thanks thick. Wear it for Xmas when you zoom her or whatever or a meal together so she can see you wear it at least once.
   

Hopefully you will have a new wardrobe (maybe if similar things you already have but with more life to them) and maybe one special occasion dress which will gather dust in your wardrobe for a year. But also you will be keeping a personal shopper in business and likely buying ethically sourced clothes which will be helping families in hard hit areas of the world right now.

[VinylDetective]

@Curioushorse

So I think it sounds like you really need this!

This x 1000!

[WankPuffins]

@RoseTintedAtuin I think that’s the way to go. As lovey as she is, I know she would be disappointed if all I got was comfy clothes.

[emmathedilemma]

I'm going to be one of the few people here who agrees with you that this would be my idea of hell! I live in trackies, leggings and gym gear. I was looking at my nice pair of leather boots by the front door yesterday and realised i haven't worn anything other than trainers since March now that we're working from home. The smartest thing i've worn since lockdown is jeggings and a t-shirt type top. Even my office clothes are relatively casual and tend to be on the smart side of jersey / soft fabrics. I'd rather just have the money to spend on new things I'll wear than have someone else telling me what I should be wearing.

[Canyousewcushions]

My wardrobe is similar in quality, and I am now very rarely going anywhere.

I'd still bite off my MILs hand if I were in your shoes (Or comfy old slippers!!). I'd love to have some joggers/leggings/jeans which are nicer than what I currently own, and some nice new t shirts and jumpers too.

Not that I want to look smart or suitable for work, but I'd feel better in myself if I had lovely stuff for slouching round the house in, especially now I almost never go out in the post lockdown working from home world I now inhabit!!

[Jaxhog]

I won something like this a few years ago. It was the most fabulous experience. I didn't buy anything really grand - a new warm sheepskin jacket, a cashmere jumper for snuggling in, some trousers and boots. The best part? Spending time having someone else's attention for a couple of hours. They also found stuff I never would have - and all in my size!

Enjoy!

[Regularsizedrudy]

Just get some nice casual clothes. I think you are making a lot of excuses to be honest. It sounds like you’re trying to avoid the (imagined!) judgment of the personal stylist.
I think it would be really rude to reject this gift.

[yomellamoHelly]

Get some lovely loungewear. Will make you feel good about being indoors.

[drumandthebass]

What a lovely lovely present. Like a PP said, it doesn't have to be smart, just newer, nicer clothes than you already own. A new winter coat and some nice boots, lovely winter jumpers. If you look as scruffy as you say you do, then other people probably think the same. I know when you have children and get older clothes aren't as important as they once were and I have a lot of days when I wear the same old crap. It is obvious to other people because they mention I look nice on the days I do make an effort. God knows what they think on the days when I just can't be bothered. Enjoy spending the money x

[walking]

I’ll go against the grain here and say that I don’t think it’s necessarily a great, or useful present for the OP. If she wants to do it, she definitely should, without hesitation. However, I can think of reasons why it might feel pointless/unnecessary and a waste of time and money – some of which would apply to me to.

I live in ‘comfortable clothes’ too. Mainly jeans and a T-shirt/fleece. With the exception of footwear, some hiking clothes and underwear I buy all my clothes in charity shops. It’s amazing what you can find there! (But I just want comfortable jeans/tops/jumpers/anyway.) I don’t need to/want to dress up to go to a museum – I prefer my comfortable, casual look, and I feel good in that. (If I didn’t feel good, I’d do something about it – as per above, my advice to the OP). I don’t look scruffy, but I look casual. If people think I can’t be bothered about my appearance (yes I have been told), so what? I’m clean, I’m nice and friendly. That’s what counts to me.

When I worked outside home, I had ‘work clothes’ – a few dressy pairs of black trousers/skirts, some shoes, and a few jackets. All would be removed the second I got home and I’d put on my jeans and fleece.

(I have far too many nice dresses too, that don’t even get used annually, also from charity shops. I probably have dresses that haven’t been used for 10 years. Still fit so here’s hoping there’ll be a party sometime!)

So for me, I’d just not appreciate the experience, or the outcome. It would not make me happy/make me feel better at all. And I would probably not agree with the stylist – yes they do/are supposed to listen, but often you can only get what’s in fashion. I’ve been told for years now that my flat front shoes are ‘not in fashion’ and they may be but they’re comfortable and I don’t like pointy shoes. Looks silly, to me, so I won’t get any :-)

So here’s my suggestion – if you think you really wouldn’t enjoy the experience/outcome (but not based on what you think you deserve): could you not suggest a gift card for a sports shop or something that you like? If your MIL is as kind as it sounds (and it’s not a disguised pointer!), surely she would like to give you things you appreciate?

Alternatively – turn it into an occasion for all of you? You really appreciate the gesture but you would not be comfortable (hopefully no probing), but if she’d want to use it towards and experience for your family and them you’d love it. A restaurant meal/day out/b&b stay with a dinner/visit to a National trust property – or whatever takes your fancy. Maybe she’d understand that, especially if you stress the ‘doing things together’ aspect?

Just my two cents. Good luck OP, whatever you do!