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"Dementors"; and anti dementors are just as bad as each other

(213 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Jingstohang Fri 19-Jun-20 10:27:55

I'm sick of seeing the self righteous "anti dementors" calling others dementors because they want to stick to the guidelines/social distancing/not licking walls.

If you don't believe we should all be totally back to normal yet then you're attacked as a dementor.

I think there's a middle ground of being sensible, taking precautions and being aware there is still risk. But the anti- dementor crowd think that's being hugely negative and living in fear.

I'm sick of it. Both extremes are as bad as each other.

OP’s posts: |
SchrodingersImmigrant Fri 19-Jun-20 10:41:29

Opposite extremes are always as bad as each other.
For some people it's simply no fun being the sensible middle because that doesn't come with all the drama.

MulberryPeony Fri 19-Jun-20 10:44:41

I’ve no idea what a dementor is outside of Harry Potter blush

GypsumFantastic Fri 19-Jun-20 11:05:13

You know you don’t have to read certain threads?

recycledteenager24 Fri 19-Jun-20 11:05:15

it's childish name calling it's like being back at school, so petty and pathetic.

SockYarn Fri 19-Jun-20 11:05:30

I think you've misunderstood.

The long running "anti-dementor" threads were started as an antidote to a certain group of posters going far above and beyond any official rules and demanding everyone else do the same. Anyone who refused to quarantine their post, never ever leave their house or who kept on buying "non-essential" items like milk was told they were personally responsible for people dying.

People on the anti-dementor threads aren't actively encouraging rule breaking, far from it. It's more about keeping things in perspective and realising that actually popping to Waitrose to buy a piece of cake isn't putting anyone at risk and the benefits of getting out and about are far better for you.

BrightYellowDaffodil Fri 19-Jun-20 11:11:48

What @SockYarn said.

LumaLou Fri 19-Jun-20 11:13:02

I don’t believe in dementors, personally. Anyone can have an opinion, but ultimately it’s science which should guide what is appropriate and what is not.

OhFuckOffWithTheBubbleBollocks Fri 19-Jun-20 11:14:19

Can I just say, I know the "Anti Dementors" threads are really fast moving but if anyone takes a look they really aren't extreme and they're really fucking funny. And supportive. No one is licking walls. Certainly not in my house with the state of my walls

I am a late convert to them, I am shielding and by nature the type to be living in fear and negative anyway blush. Yet I have actually found the (and the name is tongue in cheek) anti dementor threads really helpful with restraining my natural tendencies to gloom and mope and worry.

I am shielding and wear a face mask and would like everyone to wear a face mask at all times and yet I have been welcomed and supported on the threads. It has actually helped me make more informed and risk assessed choices - I haven't been judged negatively and people have understood.

I only looked as I wondered what the fuck they were about to be so long running and quick moving and now they are the first thread (well aright second after Thug Cat grin) I look at in the morning and they really cheer me up.

Teateaandmoretea Fri 19-Jun-20 11:16:07

I’ve followed the rules. It’s more about applying balance and common sense. Plus for me the actual rules rather than people sniping at and judging others others for going to Primark, for example or actually being allowed fed up and pissed off about lockdown without someone coming along and telling you it was worse during the war and to get a grip.

No one makes you read any thread biscuit

bubbleup Fri 19-Jun-20 11:18:26

"I think you've misunderstood."

Nope, I recognise the regular posters and understand entirely what they are doing. Nasty and not at all "supportive" as they claim to be despite doing the very opposite.

Teateaandmoretea Fri 19-Jun-20 11:20:55

@bubbleup out of interest what are you trying to do? I can’t see you’ve posted on the thread before so that clearly wasn’t aimed at you.

BogRollBOGOF Fri 19-Jun-20 11:22:10

Quietly getting on with life including tolerating the social restrictions imposed on us for three months and counting- not a dementor.

Failing to understand risk assessment, banning everything fun, wailing about the incoming 7th or 8th second wave that has failed to occur because of Mothers Day/ Easter/ nice weekend/ May Bank Holiday/ VE day/ people going to beaches/ protests/ queuing for Primark. Failing to understand that prolonged lockdown has other social and economic costs that for the majority outweigh the risks of Covid 19 especially now community transmission is so low and has been for a while. Wanting the rest of the world to shield because you are. Expecting everyone to be happy existing in indefinite suspended animation. Expecting the world to be "safe" from Covid 19 before restrictions are eased (The world never was and never will be "safe"). Making up additional rules (like the exercise for one hour) and then berating the rest of us for not abiding by it. Especially making up additional rules. Not being allowed to care about anything that doesn't involve sadly dying from Covid 19. That's dementoring. Using Covid 19 as a reason to suck the joy from the world and prohibiting normal, low risk activities.

Orangeblossom78 Fri 19-Jun-20 11:22:27

The anti-dementor threads are a bit like CBT- taking negative and dramatic catastrophic thinking and turning it into something more reasonable and positive! (needed recently don't you think?)

Here is the original thread which started them in case that explains it a bit more:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3890613-Some-people-enjoy-patronising-and-depressing-others?msgid=96114110

Funnily enough no-one seemed to contest that AIBU!

Spudlet Fri 19-Jun-20 11:27:07

Don’t read it then 🤷‍♀️ It’s a fairly straightforward solution!

dontjustdont Fri 19-Jun-20 11:35:58

SockYarn

I think you've misunderstood.

The long running "anti-dementor" threads were started as an antidote to a certain group of posters going far above and beyond any official rules and demanding everyone else do the same. Anyone who refused to quarantine their post, never ever leave their house or who kept on buying "non-essential" items like milk was told they were personally responsible for people dying.

People on the anti-dementor threads aren't actively encouraging rule breaking, far from it. It's more about keeping things in perspective and realising that actually popping to Waitrose to buy a piece of cake isn't putting anyone at risk and the benefits of getting out and about are far better for you.

SockYarn has summed it up nicely.

Yes people are worried, yes people are sticking to the rules - nobody has a problem with that.

There were so many threads though where posters were spouting all sorts of false facts and end of the world scenarios. Stating utter rubbish as fact.

Nothing wrong with a bit of balance.

Jingstohang Fri 19-Jun-20 11:42:50

I'm not reading the dementor threads, but the use of that language is carrying over to other threads which is why I find it irritating.

If it was just those threads I'd have no problem hiding them and carrying on, but it's coming up on "normal" threads quite often now.

OP’s posts: |
Jingstohang Fri 19-Jun-20 11:44:31

Spudlet

Don’t read it then 🤷‍♀️ It’s a fairly straightforward solution!

I dont read the dementor threads, that's not what I'm referencing.

OP’s posts: |
BogRollBOGOF Fri 19-Jun-20 11:52:55

14 threads ago when the first anti-dementor post developed, you couldn't post anything lighthearted or balanced without being drowned out by doom or hyperbole. Regular posters weren't posting and were either lurking or keeping away because the balance of tone across MN was so negative and confrontational and people didn't want to get drawn into that.

Fortunately the tone is getting more balanced. Reasonable people are posting into the mix again and forcasting apocalyptic doom is being put back into perspective more instead of being held as a virtue.

There is still a lot of anxiety around, fortunately reducing gradually, but sometimes anxiety should not be validated and encouraged and needs perspective to acknowledge it and put it back into scale.

MN is just getting closer to it's normal mix of opinions just like it did after the initial shockwave of Brexit dominated for a few weeks.

Jingstohang Fri 19-Jun-20 11:54:31

There is still a lot of anxiety around, fortunately reducing gradually, but sometimes anxiety should not be validated and encouraged and needs perspective to acknowledge it and put it back into scale.

That can be done without name calling.

OP’s posts: |
KnobChops Fri 19-Jun-20 11:57:13

BogRollBOGOF

Quietly getting on with life including tolerating the social restrictions imposed on us for three months and counting- not a dementor.

Failing to understand risk assessment, banning everything fun, wailing about the incoming 7th or 8th second wave that has failed to occur because of Mothers Day/ Easter/ nice weekend/ May Bank Holiday/ VE day/ people going to beaches/ protests/ queuing for Primark. Failing to understand that prolonged lockdown has other social and economic costs that for the majority outweigh the risks of Covid 19 especially now community transmission is so low and has been for a while. Wanting the rest of the world to shield because you are. Expecting everyone to be happy existing in indefinite suspended animation. Expecting the world to be "safe" from Covid 19 before restrictions are eased (The world never was and never will be "safe"). Making up additional rules (like the exercise for one hour) and then berating the rest of us for not abiding by it. Especially making up additional rules. Not being allowed to care about anything that doesn't involve sadly dying from Covid 19. That's dementoring. Using Covid 19 as a reason to suck the joy from the world and prohibiting normal, low risk activities.

this! A hundred times this. It’s a window into sanity for some of us.

trappedsincesundaymorn Fri 19-Jun-20 11:58:56

Nowhere on the anti-dementor threads does anybody call other people "murders" just because they bought some "non-essential" shopping (whatever the heck that meant), at the start of lockdown. Nowhere on any of those threads are people accused of being an idiot if they chose to do something that an "anti-dementor" would chose not to do themselves. If someone on the thread is struggling they are not told that it's only been 3 months, think of the suffering of people in WW2 (and everything else that usually gets thrown about on every other thread regarding the "bug"). Instead they can vent and rail as much as they want knowing that there will be no judgement but a calm reassurance that things will get better. That's what the anti-dementor threads are about. Instead of damning them maybe question why those threads were needed in the 1st place.

dontjustdont Fri 19-Jun-20 11:59:02

Why is "dementor" name-calling, but "self-righteous" is not?

Shodan Fri 19-Jun-20 12:04:14

Why is "dementor" name-calling, but "self-righteous" is not?

Echoing this.

wanderings Fri 19-Jun-20 12:05:00

I've just taken the CV topic and AIBU out of my lockdown (in other words, I've unhidden them) because now they're starting to be less polarised.

Mind you, I'm frequently pushing the view (with no apologies or regrets) that we are voluntarily sleepwalking into a 1984 society, and that the government are enjoying keeping the little people in their place, while refusing to communicate with them. Does that make me a dementor?

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