"Dementors" and anti dementors are just as bad as each other

[Jingstohang]

I'm sick of seeing the self righteous "anti dementors" calling others dementors because they want to stick to the guidelines/social distancing/not licking walls.

If you don't believe we should all be totally back to normal yet then you're attacked as a dementor.

I think there's a middle ground of being sensible, taking precautions and being aware there is still risk. But the anti- dementor crowd think that's being hugely negative and living in fear.

I'm sick of it. Both extremes are as bad as each other.

There was a thread on here when all this started, about someone shielding going to the garden centre and she was called selfish and that she was risking other people's lives, she should just stay at home and didn't deserve a hospital bed if she caught CV etc. Pages and pages of judgey vitriol about someone vulnerable.

It really really upset me, so much I stayed away from MN for a while and I have been here years. And nothing has ever driven me away before not even mouldies

I see the anti dementor threads as the complete opposite to that attitude. Honestly, the fact that people are saying read those threads should show that they're aren't actually a bubbling cesspit of name calling hatred.

We save that for The Doghouse

@Jingstohang

OP, you keep referring to this language making its way into other threads. Were you called a dementor on another thread? Perhaps your AIBU should have been ‘I said this and someone called me a dementor AIBU?

Nah, I've not been called one, I have seen it though on threads. I've also seen someone being called overly anxious because they had a bunch of comorbidities and didnt want their family to go against current government guidelines.

So your outraged on someone else’s behalf

Jkslays

Outraged is your word, not mine.

It's not just happening once or twice, it's fairly regular. Can I only disagree with things I personally experience now?

It's all well and good to pretend that "anti-dementors" are witty and amusing realistic and moderate posters,
meanwhile all the threads show that they are actually as hysterical and unpleasant as the "dementors".

Both sides are truly just as bad , but obviously just as convinced as their point of view is a fact and the only one valid.

OhFuckOffWithTheBubbleBollocks

Was that the lady on oxygen? That thread was awful.

But the thing is, it's often not those people who get called out as dementors.

Because as adults if we disagree with someone we can do it with facts, personal experience, actual gov guudelines and basic common sense about normal everyday risks etc in a non shouty way.

I haven't seen anyone running around screaming 'dementor' and pointing the finger at posters but i have seen calm posts robustly counteracting their usually fake facts or hysteria on many threads.

But even on here there are posters spouting bollocks about the AD threads and accusing posters on it of all sorts. Mn members it seems love to make things up to be offended by and attack people for something they didn't dowhich has no bearing on themselves at all. If you dont like a thread, have nothing in common with it or the people on it and it isn't going to do anything for you dont waste time reading it its really simple. And dont make stuff up just to give you an excuse to criticise people.

My prime dementor moment was when someone asked a question about how dog owners who lived in flats should handle the one exercise per day rule. Several people jumped on shouting that you absolutely mustn’t leave the flat any more than once and the dog would just have to learn to wait or someone suggested letting it piss on the kitchen floor.

I realised at that point that some people had a very loose grasp on reality about Covid and were actually engaging in competitive misery. The kind of people that you avoid in a group because the bring everyone’s mood down.

Fun sponges is a great term actually. Think I might start using that instead.

MN was really, really nasty at the start of lockdown. People with legitimate mental health issues and in some cases openly saying they felt suicidal were getting told that they were selfish idiots and that they should stop whingeing because their situation wasn't that bad. I didn't start a thread about my own mental health because I knew getting piled on would just make it worse, and I was doing reasonably okay for the most part. There will have been people feeling genuinely suicidal with few people IRL to turn to who didn't post on here for the same reason, and in some cases the consequences of that could have been much worse. Not only that but people with legitimate anxiety about the virus situation were being told it would definitely get worse and they were naive to think our lives would ever be the same again.

The anti-dementor threads were started as a response to that and at the time felt like an absolute lifeline. I haven't been posting on them as much recently as more stuff has been opening up IRL, so I've been able to go out and do more instead of spending time online. Many people aren't as fortunate and are still stuck at home, whether because they're in a shielding household, having to look after small children, or in other UK countries where the restrictions are still tighter. For those people the threads are probably still as sanity-preserving as they were at the start.

I haven't really noticed people being called dementors outside of those threads, though I tend to avoid most of the 'lockdown isn't strict enough' ones so maybe I've just missed it. I've seen people who are regulars on the threads disagree with one another outside of them, though. It's definitely not an echo chamber.

I've been careful throughout lockdown, even though I've still had to go out to work, I have avoided shops, beaches etc. and followed the guidance to protect myself and others. That doesn't make me a dementor, they are fictional characters from children's books

No, it doesn't.

I commented on this weeks ago. I'm a bit irritated the HQ allow name calling like this.

Thanks @Orangeblossom78 and @Khione. Mind you, in real life I've been banned by my nearest and dearest from expressing the view that the government is systematically oppressing us, because it "makes things miserable" (just like Dementors) when I do.

Here's another Harry Potter analogy: sometimes I feel we are being treated by the government as Harry himself was at the beginning of Order of the Phoenix, that in spite of terrible and confusing things happening to him, everybody had been sworn not to tell him anything at all, except "be a good boy and don't leave the house", just like the way the government have said so little about the "exit plan". Although they gave us the significant dates of the shops reopening and 4th July, there's a lot they're keeping silent about, but probably discussing at length behind the scenes.

Thinking of when people try to ask questions at the briefings, and Boris or whoever it is fobs them off straight away; this reminds me of a great little scene in the book (not the film) of Order of the Phoenix, where Harry is contemplating running away, and he's visited in a picture by Phineas Nigellus (who should have been in the films more), a very snide former headmaster:
Phineas: I have a message for you from your friend Dumbledore.
Harry: (eagerly) What's the message?
Phineas: Stay where you are.
Harry: I haven't moved! So what is the message?
Phineas: I have just given it to you, dolt: "stay where you are."
Harry (furiously): "Stay where you are!" That's all anyone would tell me when I was attacked by Dementors last year, be a good boy and stay where you are while the adults sort it out!
Phineas: You know, this is precisely why I loathed being a teacher! Young people are so convinced that they know everything, they think they know better than the adults. Has it not occurred to you, my poor protesting little popinjay, that there might be a very good reason Dumbledore is not confiding everything in you?

Phineas Nigellus would be proud of the way the government waffles a lot while telling us nothing.

Name calling is from the dementors- I was told they wished I would catch the virus and die because I had a picnic

So janicewebster thinks calling someone a selfish barstard and, incidentally, really having a vicious go at me and others, on a forum for doing something within the rules is ok but calling someone a dementor is cringey. Righty ho then.

I think dementor sums up certain posters.

And example - thete was a thread about people worried about redundancy after furlough and someone posted how horrid it was to be worried about money when ‘people are dying.’

If that’s not the Crown Prince of Dementorship, I don’t know what is.

Christ it's one long running thread, clearly labelled. Stay off it, it's not difficult.

I find the AD threads a place of support for people with a variety of views, worries, feelings and backgrounds in a really difficult and frightening time for most people.

There's always someone to pick you up
In a bad day or to explain the mysteries of statistics and modelling, or whatever. A place to escape from the "we're all going to die and lockdown should last forever!" Stuff on the internet just now. And in rl as well as MN. So I think YABU. Lifesaver for me.

It's all well and good to pretend that "anti-dementors" are witty and amusing realistic and moderate posters,
meanwhile all the threads show that they are actually as hysterical and unpleasant as the "dementers"

But this simply isn't true  I really would advise people have a look at the AD threads and see for themselves.

@Jingstohang Yes it was the lady on oxygen. I found it really upsetting but I was struggling a lot then. Ironically the AD threads have helped me so much. I feel more "level" - it's hard to explain. I'm still shielding (99.9%!) and being very careful - yet the AD threads are the ones that have calmed me a bit and made me feel more hopeful, not so miserable and trapped. It's good to hear people talk about the future in a realistic but hopeful way - and make jokes and support each other. There is so much support on there. It's not an echo chamber either - I'm probably more "dementory" than most but they are still the best and most helpful threads I have been on recently.

Honestly they aren't unpleasant threads at all. People should look and make up their own minds.

I get why the anti dementor thread was created, at one point there was some very OTT stuff, people were understandably anxious. But now the pile ons when someone posts something negative (supposedly) are as bad, if not worse than the doom mongering was.

And BTW there's no such thing as an Anti Dementor. What drives them away is a Patronus. If you lot went out there and brought light to the darkness, instead of bringing more darkness, it would be far more appropriate.

@MorrisZapp

Christ it's one long running thread, clearly labelled. Stay off it, it's not difficult.

RTFT

What drives them away is a Patronus

We all have a patronus. Mine is a koala.

The anti-dementors also don't believe in a "death hierarchy". All deaths are equally sad on there not just the covid ones. There is also none of the "tell that to those who have lost someone", or "I bet you would say that if it had been YOUR family member that died"....because that winds me up no end.

Wouldn't, not would.

I am a regular on those threads (although they run so fast that I can't always keep up with them). They are a pretty nice place to be, provided that you don't come on to tell everyone how appalling they are for doing things that they are now allowed to do.

One of the worst things about lockdown has been having a lot of people tell me how I should think or feel. I may think that lockdown is an evil plot brought about by the lizard overlords (disclaimer: this isn't actually my opinion) but, if it genuinely is essential that I stay away from other people for months at a time, it doesn't matter what I think. It matters that I keep to the rules. And I have - because I am law abiding.

I hope that when this is all over, people do remember all the terrible things that have gone on. Things like taping up park benches, having a police chief constable say that the police would check people's shopping for "non essentials" like Easter eggs, Derbyshire Police following people using drones to shame them for walking on the moors. People taking photos of family groups out for a walk and posting them on social media with "Stay the fuck at home!!!". These are what I would call "Dementors".

My Mum is staying at home and is super cautious about mixing with anyone else (to the extent that she has refused to have carers in to help with my father's health condition). However, she isn't getting at other people for choosing to go to the shops or to send their children to school. Therefore she isn't a dementor.

They're definitely not threads for rule breaking approval. More like living to the max within the curtails of the pandemic.

@grannycake

I enjoyed the early anti dementor threads but know I think they are as unreasonable as the "dementors" especially with regard to their attitude towards teaching staff

I'm a bit puzzled with this as there hasn't been much talk of teaching staff. What we have had has been very mixed. Excellent teachers, not so excellent teachers, lovely nursery staff, marquees, and everything in between.