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Friend is asking for baby clothes back

(857 Posts)
Evasmummy2019 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:49:41

So back in August last year while I was 5 months pregnant, my childhood friend kindly gave me 2 big bags of her daughters baby clothes. Her baby is 1 year younger than my new arrival. So all season appropriate clothes for my new winter baby. Most of the clothes were good condition aland very pretty, some were stained or bobbly or faded. But I sorted through it and kept what I wanted. My daughter has enjoyed wearing her pretty clothes for which I am extremely grateful for. It saved us an awful lot of money. My friend gave us lots of newborn, 0 to 3 and 3 to 6 months. My daughter is a very chunky girl so was out of the 3 to 6 at around 4 months old. At which time I passed on the clothes that weren't too worn or stained (threw the rest away or cut up for rags) to my sister in law who was also pregnant and expecting a girl. To which she was very grateful for. It being lockdown and all.

But now my friends mum has messaged me asking for all of the baby clothes back. My friend is not pregnant nor can she have any more children. And before she gave me the clothes there was no mention of them being on loan. Or having them back when I was done.
I've messaged my friend to confirm this and she's said yes. She does want them back. And in the next week or so. I find this really upsetting.

I could get some of them back but my neice was only born in early May so is still in them and my brother and his young family have been struggling financially during the virus etc. I don't really want to have to tell them that they need to buy all new clothes for their daughter because I need the clothes back to give to my friend. I also don't want to fall out with my friend over baby clothes.
Amy advice. Am I being unreasonable to be upset that's she's asked me to give them back. Or is she being unreasonable to ask for them back.

OP’s posts: |
Evasmummy2019 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:50:20

One year older sorry

OP’s posts: |
lockdownstress Tue 16-Jun-20 11:51:43

So sorry, you never said that you wanted them back so I have passed them on to other children.

If it was a loan that needed to be clear.

ukgift2016 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:51:53

Are you willing to lose a friendship? If so then don't give them back.

ScarfLadysBag Tue 16-Jun-20 11:52:18

I think I'd just say you passed them on to someone else/no longer have them because there was no mention of it being a loan. I wouldn't be claiming them back from whoever you've given them to.

ScarfLadysBag Tue 16-Jun-20 11:52:51

Plus you can't give them back anyway as you got rid of a load of them so either way she's not getting them back!

Marlena1 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:54:19

I gave mine away and really regreted it (the person's sister asked me for them but the person didn't really want or need them and didn't thank me). Much as I'd love to have them for my DD's dolls etc I would never ask for them back!! Plus baby clothes don't really last that well. I would just give back what you can and explain.

LagunaBubbles Tue 16-Jun-20 11:56:19

You need to speak to friend and say she never made it clear she wanted them back as you've passed them on.

SerenDippitty Tue 16-Jun-20 11:57:43

You say she can’t have any more children. It’s possible she’s just realised that her daughter’s baby clothes have some sentimental value that she’s not ready to let go of yet. I would tell her the truth that you didn’t realise they were a loan and try to get back what you can.

Evasmummy2019 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:57:48

I'm not really into arguing or bad vibes. I'm struggling a lot mentally myself. I am not prepared to take clothes off my newborn neices back though

OP’s posts: |
Chiwi Tue 16-Jun-20 11:58:18

Not being unreasonable at all! My friend gave me a big bag of clothes as my DD has grown out of them I text her and said do you mind me passing them on etc she replied "of course, you don't need to ask you twat"
So yeah, definitely not unreasonable!

Elouera Tue 16-Jun-20 11:58:35

I'd double check the emails/messages when she gave you the clothes originally, to see if there was any wording that could have meant they were on loan. If there was nothing to indicate a loan, explain that to her. You could offer to give her some of your DD used clothes as a replacement, but I'd also want to know why she now wants them back? Were they good brands which could be re-sold? Are they too now struggling financially?

Krong Tue 16-Jun-20 11:59:18

*So sorry, you never said that you wanted them back so I have passed them on to other children.

If it was a loan that needed to be clear.*

This^^ and a perfectly reasonable explanation. Most people don't hand over bags of baby clothes and expect them back.

Ignore poster about losing friendship , hopefully your friend is more sensible than that and will understand.

Evasmummy2019 Tue 16-Jun-20 11:59:53

When she gave me them she said she'd kept all of her special bits. And some of those bits have now become special to me

OP’s posts: |
Iwalkinmyclothing Tue 16-Jun-20 12:00:43

You have to contact her asap as the longer you wait and worry the more anxious you will get. A really, really simple "I'm so sorry, I never knew that you wanted them back and don't have them any more" is all you can really say at this stage.

Elouera Tue 16-Jun-20 12:02:14

Surely your niece has other clothes, not JUST the ones you passed on from your friend??? Like your own DD's hand-me-downs? As another poster said, maybe your friend has good reason for wanting some back? Surely a new born wouldn't be in them that long anyways?

DisobedientHamster Tue 16-Jun-20 12:02:50

There's no argument, though, she gave them, she did not say they were a loan and you passed them on. No 'bad vibes' hmm.

You just message her back as lockdown says, 'So sorry, you never said that you wanted them back or that they were a loan so I have passed them on to other children.'

I can't abide people who do this! It's a shit thing to do. 'Loaning' clothes for babies is stupid, too, they make a mess, but handing someone clothes and then expecting them back or expecting them to pay for them when you haven't told them that first is a shitty thing to do.

Bet she'll come back and ask for money. In that case, some friend!

SecondStarFromTheRight Tue 16-Jun-20 12:03:06

There's not much point getting upset about it because you can't return the clothes. You're assuming your friend will end the friendship which seems very dramatic. Can't you just explain that you used them and now you don't have them any more and sorry if there was a misunderstanding.

MamaLion1319 Tue 16-Jun-20 12:03:44

I had this when ds was a baby with my best friend at the time. We actually fell out over it and haven't spoken since. You are not being unreasonable here, she should have said they were a loan at the time.

user1471481356 Tue 16-Jun-20 12:03:52

You should have asked if she wanted them back when you were done with them, before destroying or passing them on. You will need to now replace them or get them back for her.

Evasmummy2019 Tue 16-Jun-20 12:04:00

I've been close friends with her since we were 11 years old. We are now 32. She can be a bit selfish sometimes but over all she's a good friend. Was there for me through years of infertility and treatment etc. Came to my ivf appointments and was a shoulder to cry on. I've helped her through some awful times. We love each other

OP’s posts: |
ThisShitCrazy Tue 16-Jun-20 12:04:01

Just think about it though, would you ever 'lend' baby clothes to someone? That's just odd. A special occasion one off outfit maybe but old baby grows?

I think there's more to it, especially as the mum asked for them back and not the friend. Have you two fallen out over something?

TheLadyAnneNeville Tue 16-Jun-20 12:05:03

She’s being ridiculous. No body loans second hand baby clothing. Unless she specifically said she wanted them back, just tell her the truth.

Bloody cheek.

Pippinsqueak Tue 16-Jun-20 12:05:20

I would just be very honest and write something like this

Hi (friend)

First of all thank you again for your kind gift of the baby clothes (whenever it was). At the time you did not state there were conditions attached to it and you wanted them back after a certain time. Since then I have sorted and re gifted the clothes to those who needed them after (your child) grew out of them. Are there any specific items of clothing for sentimental reasons you would like back and I will do my best to find them.

Yours (whatever your name is)

Essentially saying you gave them to me, W you didn't say you wanted them back, they were mine to do what I wanted with, now you want them back, tough cookies but il be kind and try and get you some pieces back as I'm not a total cow lol

InkieNecro Tue 16-Jun-20 12:05:42

She should have been clear, when I've given people things I ask if they would like them. If I want them back I ask if they want to borrow them.

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