MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

[Oilyoilyoilgob]

What does your husband think? It sounds like you REALLY dislike this woman and I’m surprised that from your post he’s not commented to you about it.
It all sounds so jolly and happy with your family that it might be hard for her to not feel envious.

In fairness to her, Florida is a family/group holiday and is amazing-it’s a shame that she may never get to experience it. Would trying it with her really be that bad?

I appreciate that’s taking a risk and a leap of faith but it may thaw the very obvious ill feeling you have towards her-it absolutely jumps off the page just reading this post.

[Jokie]

I definitely wouldn't want her coming. It's your family holiday. I think you're being fair by offering her another holiday

[Lockheart]

Wow, you really don't like this woman do you?

I don't see why one member of your family (and she is your family, like it or not) can't come along on a huge family holiday with the rest of you. If it was just going to be you and your husband I'd get your point, but if all of you are going it surely won't be that much hardship to include her.

[Ellmau]

It's not your invitation to give. You're going along with your family's invitation to you.

Could you afford to go there twice? (Or is MIL thinking she's being palmed off with a second rate, ie cheaper, option?)

[RedRed9]

Why the duplicate thread?

[heartsonacake]

find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

It is her family, though. When you got married you joined your two families together.

She’s single, and she’s family, so I do think it’s a shame you won’t consider her.

[AnyFucker]

The poor woman

[Ginfordinner]

I can see it from both sides TBH. She sounds lonely, and I can understand her feeling left out if you see your family a lot more than you see her. She has as much right to see her grandchild as your mother does.

On the other hand, inviting her along would change the dynamic of the holiday.

[Mnthrowaway20202]

If you don’t get along or she wouldn’t get along with your family then fair enough.

I wouldn’t want to go on a family holiday with a bunch of in laws that don’t like me, it would be so awkward

[CourtneyLurve]

Is this a reverse? Because you sound like a jerk.

[Hillarious]

On the surface, this sounds a little mean-spirited on your part, OP.

[TitianaTitsling]

It's not your invitation to give. You're going along with your family's invitation to you. Agree with this, should the invitation not then be extended to all of the OPs siblings to bring their in-laws too?

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I have a big jolly family too and actually think it’s a sign of immaturity for you to be going on so many holidays with them, to the expense of your mum. That’s what she finds unfair. The obvious answer to this is to spend time with her too and decline your family’s invitation to do something with her.

[Nottherealslimshady]

I dont think I would. I can understand that she's jealous that you get to enjoy these things and she doesn't but it would either totally change the holiday for you having to look after her or she'd feel left out.
She wants a big close family holiday but wont be the same with someone elses family.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

To your partners mum

[Oilyoilyoilgob]

Also just jumped out at me, your family know ALL the rows you’ve had and dislike her?

The more I read it the more petulant you sound, why at your age are you telling your family about all of your ‘rows’ with her?

She’s brought your husband up as a single mum, and would like to enjoy a holiday with her family (as you and her grandchild are her family now too) yet you’re throwing your toys out of the pram.

No doubt your family already know all about her absolute cheek of daring to ask if she can join in and I’m sure are all up in arms about their precious daughter getting so upset over this 🙄

It’s rare I write like this on here but your post reads in a really awful tone about this woman, all for wanting to join her son on what may be for her, a once in a lifetime experience.

[HeddaGarbled]

I feel sorry for her.

[WingBingo]

Bit mean not to invite her. I would be very sad if I was the MIL.

[GrumpyHoonMain]

I agree you are really immature. Telling your parents everything. I bet the only reason you go with them is that you can’t afford a holiday otherwise. Your DH needs to grow a backbone - his mum would have fought tooth and nail to raise him as a single mum and he can’t even do a cheapo holiday with her every year.

[Rebelwithallthecause]

Poor MIL

We like doing holidays with parents too but always make sure things are kept fair so that each set of parents get their chance to join us

Same with any social visits

It would not be fair especially since having children to see my parents considerably more than DH parents

[HermioneWeasley]

Do you otherwise spend equal time with her vs your family?

[Oldbutstillgotit]

What does your DH really think ? I Would hate to be your MIL !

[smartiecake]

Why can't you invite her? If your siblings partners are all going then thats a whole lot of people from other families too. If its a big group of you then there are lots of you to chat to her and florida is the type of holiday where there is loads to do. I think you could consider inviting her. She sounds lonely and you never know it may be absolutely fine and she has a great time and is very happy not to be left out.
My circumstances are different but my mother in law has died and now my father in law is on his own. Husband is an only child. We will invite him with us on holiday. He may not want to come but he is my family too. He is my husbands dad.
I think its a bit mean to not see her as part of your family. Of course she is!