MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

It sounds like you are really trying to push her out of your lives!

Maybe you’ll have a son one day, how would you feel if his wife treated you this way? I certainly hope my DS would treat me with more kindness and respect!!

It's not your invitation to give.

This. You and your dh can choose to invite her on a holiday of your own, but you cannot allow her to come along and spoil a holiday for 10 other people.

Try going on holiday with her first, just the four of you, see if she joins in and gets on with things without criticising, and then reconsider.

I'm sorry OP I think you are being petty and mean-spirited.

Every time I see a post like this I thank god for my lovely DIL.

Yeah, I also feel sorry for MIL. All that stuff about your big and happy family OP and so little mention of MIL.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this

Can you give an idea of the difference in time spent between both your parents and his mother? She may have a point.

Why don’t you spend as much time as her? From what you’ve written it sounds like you’ve pushed her away in favour of your big family.

Remember she loves her son and grandson every bit as much as your amazing, perfect family.

Wow. You sound mean.
I hardly feel sorry for all these mentioned mils on here. But now do. Fck op. Have a heart. Imagine the reverse situation

@Cadent...It's not Mil's family. She is absolutely nothing to the people in this trip.besides OP and DH. She isn't family. She definitely isn't family.to people who don't like her. OP is not excluding her because of the odd comment and suggestion which MIL is rude for. She is.excluded because she is not.family and it upsets the dynamic of the trip. Why should OP's family pay for her trip.to Florida? What about all the other in laws parents? Should OP's parents.great them to a cousin holiday too?

I think your selfish it's all.me.and my family. Go to florida without you mum and dad ffs your a grown woman

This is awful and all about you exerting control over her. I used to feel the same way about my MIL and treat her in the same way. Over time we have both mellowed and it is so much nicer now we both get along. My mil is on her own, dh is her only child. I have a big family which enjoy getting together often. Mil is invited every time and loves to join in. She has told me she feels very lucky to have this extended family.

I feel sorry for your MIL. She must well and truly feel like she has lost her son to your family and she is left playing second fiddle. Particularly difficult for her to swallow now that she has a grandchild.

I don’t understand the responses you’re getting here at all. You’re entitled to do things with your family that don’t include your mil ffs. Why would she be invited? Your parents organise this for their family. So they have to include all of their children’s in laws? Or just yours? That could be dozens of additional people. This makes no sense.

You’ve offered to also go away with her that is more than fair. Your parents and siblings are not her family.

"It is her family, though. When you got married you joined your two families together."

What utter rubbish. When you marry a person you don't expect your extended family to become part of your husband's extended family.
Maybe next time my MiL/FiL are off on one of their numerous holidays I'll tell them I expect my mum to tag along, after all- one big blended family!

It's not just you and your husband who will be affected by her going - it's your whole family and you have to consider their feelings too. I think you have done your bit by offering to take her on holiday somewhere else.

I can see why she's envious - she's on the outside looking in. But it is not your family's fault that she is alone and has no-one to go with apart from you/husband/DC.

We once tried a 'blended' trip. Never again!! You end up as piggy in the middle trying to keep all parties happy - way too stressful for a holiday. Especially when it's cost people a small fortune to attend.

No, I get it. There’s a group dynamic that works and flows with established groups who are used to spending time together. I’ve been on holidays where someone not normally part of the group has joined (loosely knew other people and came at my invitation), people were more inhibited, new member was hard work and demanding, and it made the trip less fun for everyone.

Saying that, Florida is amazing and doesn’t have to be only for trips with your side of the family, I’d plan another trip there with your MIL (I’m a big believer in you can never have too much Florida!).

You offered to organise another holiday with her and that's perfectly acceptable. Just stick to your guns.

It would be the kind thing to do to invite her along.

It’s up to you whether you want to be kind or selfish and biased towards your own ‘perfect’ family.

One day you may be on your own and getting older, with no one to holiday with. Think how you would feel and show some empathy.

Many of you seems to be forgetting the fact that OP has offered to go on holiday with MIL elsewhere, but MIL has declined.
It's not about going on holiday, it's about going on THIS holiday with OP's family.

MIL is being unreasonable.

I think you’re getting a hard time and don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. Just because you’re married to her son, it doesn’t entitle her to come along to your family holiday if you don’t want that. This is your parent’s trip, not one you and your husband have organised.

Inviting her along to your Florida trip will completely change the dynamic. This isn’t really a fair position to put your parents and siblings in.

Your MIL sounds like she’s being difficult. You’ve suggested going somewhere else together but she’s insisting on Florida. You’ve given her an alternative and she’s said no. That’s her problem.

This ‘two families becoming one’ dynamic works well for some families, but not others. Don’t feel pressured or let her manipulate you.

I think it would be nice if you could accommodate her on the Florida trip on one occasion. If that really feels too much then do a separate holiday with her somewhere else. I would feel sad and left out in your MIL's position.

It wouldn't hurt to invite her OP, as PP said you've been there loads of times, this will be a new experience for her. Being single can be hard enough if your lonely, but it sounds as though she has voiced her problems (you mentioned your arguments with her are due to this) and you've effectively ignored her.

The fact that you don't include her very often and she still wants to come on holiday tells me that she still very much craves family life with her son and grandchildren.

Unless she's a crazy old witch and your planning on drip feeding throughout the thread? I suspect not.

Your MIL would change the dynamics completely so no way to her going. Do a short UK trip first at least!

Could you give a bit more info on what your relationship has been like with MIL with examples?

What does your DH think?

I don’t agree the two families are now melded through marriage btw. Your family don’t owe her an invitation at all.

I do think you and your dh might be a little more understanding as to why she wants one though. It’s not about the holiday, it’s about you and seemingly her son, favouring your lot and her feeling out in the cold.