MIL expects to come on family holiday

[DisneyBaby]

My husband and I have been together 10 years, I am 30 and he is 28, we have just had our first baby together this year.

I have a big family and have always been very close with them throughout my life, and when I got together with my husband 10 years ago, my parents welcomed him in to the family like one of their own and we have had numerous holidays and good times altogether ever since.
My sister and brothers partners are the same and have been welcomed into the family, and we all get in very well and have a great time whatever we do.

My MIL, was a single mum and has always been a little jealous of the amount of time we spend with my family compared the amount of time we spend with her. We have fallen out with her numerous time over this, as well as over other things eg most recently when she made comments about how we are doing things with our baby daughter (which she says is caring, but we find negative and judgemental).

My family have gone to Florida every 4 years since I was young and have continued to do this even as we’ve grown up, we’re all big kids and love all the rides and shows, and now that we have started having children, we still intend to keep up the tradition of going frequently.

My MIL feels that we should invite her on long to Florida with my family as she is single and wouldn’t have anyone else to go with.

This puts me and my husband in a difficult situation because my family enjoy going to Florida as our family and wouldn’t want an additional person coming along on our family holiday.
My family do know her as she has been there for the odd Xmas etc, but they also know about all the rows we have had with her in the past and find her a little annoying, so aren’t particularly keen on her.

I appreciate that she is single and doesn’t have as many people to go on holiday with, but why should my family have to have her tag along with them?

We have suggested doing a separate holiday to somewhere else but she is adamant that Florida is where she wants to go to and she thinks we are being inconsiderate that she’s not invited to come along with us on my family’s holiday. I think she’s being unreasonable, and find it strange that she wants to come away with a family that isn’t hers.

Am I being unreasonable or is she being unreasonable?

Maybe your MIL doesn't wouldn't want to go on a holiday with her DS, OP and DGD, because once DGD was in bed at 8 pm, she'd feel like a gooseberry, whereas on a large group holiday, people don't get as couply and even if one couple goes off for time on their own, there are still plenty of other people to talk to!

Or she could use that time to have some one on one with her son! OP may want some time to herself after she puts their child down.

I am so glad I don’t have some of you as MIL.

whilst your family welcomed your DH into the family (which is lovely), you and DH have pretty much left her out in the cold

Women's relationships with their sons and daughtersr are their own responsibility not the responsibility of their children's partners.

If the MiL/DH in this case have a long term poor relationship that is between them. Its not something the OP can fix.

This has probably been the most bonkers thread I've ever read on this site

I think its a testament to:

• the low expectations on men to take any social responsibility
• the demands on women to be accountable for the health of all and every relationship around them, even those which are not directly theirs.

It actualy is a classic thread in the original meaning.

Croatia is definitely a poor second compared to Florida.
This mil met only be 50? I'm only a few years below that and I'd miles prefer Florida and Disney to Croatia.
We don't know the reason mil can't be on another holiday to Florida with the op. Is it money? Why not say this? Work out how to make it affordable.

If the MiL/DH in this case have a long term poor relationship that is between them. Its not something the OP can fix.

This! My parents and I, especially my mum had a difficult relationship. My husband knew this early on and left it to me to sort. When I had our first, and my mother said she wanted to fly over, he was worried but he kept it to himself. Visit was great and husband only asked if I was glad she visited and left it at that. He didn’t tell me what I needed to do, try to push me to work it out, or put himself in the middle of it. He kept out of it because it wasn’t his place or responsibility.

OP has tried with MIL and it should be on her husband to sort. Perhaps that’s why his mother is being difficult about this. She sees her DIL planning things while her son is laid back about it. She could probably be taking his laidback behaviour as not being fussed about her. Again, on OP’s husband to sort out his relationship to his mum, not OP.

We don't know the reason mil can't be on another holiday to Florida with the op. Is it money? Why not say this? Work out how to make it affordable.

Why is this the OP's responsibility?

@burnoutbabe I assume you've been to Croatia then, to make that judgement?

Does she know what a holiday to Florida is like? By Florida I'm assuming theme parks.

When we go it is every day in the parks, morning til night, on the go for several hours every day.

@Aragog

Think it was mentioned that she has been there before with her sons unless they went to the Paris one.

The reason she can’t be on the holiday is because she hasn’t been invited by the people arranging it. And why should she be? They don’t know her. The little they do know, they don’t like.

Regardless of whether that’s OP’s “fault” or not, the fact remains. And you can’t expect anyone to shell out thousands of euro for a holiday and bring along an extra, unwanted person.

If the MIL wants to go to Florida she can go with her other son. Or her next boyfriend.

But she wants to go with her grandchild?

And has basically been told"no we do Florida with my parents so can't ever go with you!"

That's what seems unfair. Not that she should go on the group holiday as that involves others but to go on that type of holiday.

And yes I have been to Croatia? Nice place, it's not 2 weeks at Disney theme parks is it? The mil wants to go there, I don't see why that's unreasonable thing for her to want?

(Not with the big group, just with her son and his family)

C8H10N4O2 - you hit the nail on the head with your last post.

Also, Croatia is a fantastic holiday, generally the Balkans are, but very different to Florida. I'd choose the Balkans over Florida any time, but it's a personal choice and I don't think the two are comparable at all as it's a completely different type of holiday.

And has basically been told"no we do Florida with my parents so can't ever go with you!"

We don't know she's been told this. We don't know if she's even suggested they go in between the years OP goes with her family. Only that MiL is demanding to go on this particular holiday.

There's absolutely nothing to stop her suggesting and planning Florida with her two sons and their families for a few years time. Allows everyone to save up.

And has basically been told"no we do Florida with my parents so can't ever go with you!"

It's a big world. There are lots of lovely plces to go, like Croatia. I'd so much prefer Croatia.

Your MIL could make more of an effort with your family and potentially tag along in 4 years time?

I still haven't been invited to go on holiday with Tom Hardy. I have that right though surely?

I don’t think OP said she wouldn’t do Florida. However it’s a lot of money and if she’s already going soon she isn’t going to go again soonish.
If MIL wanted to spend time with them she would be happy to go somewhere else on holiday.
She doesn’t, she wants to go on a better holiday with basically a group of strangers.

Not as simple adding 1 more. It could be another hire car or bigger villa. Not something I start as its expected yearly then. We very different my mam is religious/strict timetable set times. Looking for churches. I want suit myself on my break.

And I'm still waiting on those Las Vegas details.

The OP said that her MIL had taken her son (the OP's DH) to Florida in the past, I can see why she'd want to repeat that trip with her son AND grandson - like the OP's family do. What's the difference between the two families then? Both want the same thing. It's the OP making Florida a trip for her family only.

Perhaps the MIL knows she's got no chance of taking her grandson to Florida unless she goes with the OP's family. She doesn't seem to have asked to go on any other holidays?

It's the OP making Florida a trip for her family only

Dear gods have you even read the OP's posts?

Just to throw a different angle before this thread fills up...
Op did say that when MIL had a partner, they went on holidays to places such as Jamaica. Did MIL invite OP and her own son to that? Were OPs parents invited also?
Florida is definitely not a cheap holiday but if you can gatecrash someone else's villa and transport it can reduce the costs somewhat. Perhaps that's why for MIL, it's Florida or nothing.

Wow, what a very cold approach you and your family have taken towards her.
God, I'm glad I have daughters!

Wow, what a very cold approach you and your family have taken towards her.
God, I'm glad I have daughters!

🤦🏻‍♀️ Yet again the OP's being blamed for her husband's relationship, or lack of, with his mother. It isn't up to her to maintain it.

@eatsleepread stop being so sexist ffs!

@ChicCroissant no it’s not the OP. It’s the entire group of ten people who don’t want her there. It’s not up to the OP to have extras along. It’s not her holiday. It’s not even her bloody mother!