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Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

(568 Posts)
Chokedwiththecold Sun 23-Feb-20 09:15:29

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

Anonmouse1 Sun 23-Feb-20 09:18:05

YANBU. I would skip the wedding entirely tbh. She had to know it was a possibility with an insanely expensive child-free destination wedding

Redglitter Sun 23-Feb-20 09:18:52

Her wedding her choice. But shell need to expect a lot of declined invitations

GabriellaMontez Sun 23-Feb-20 09:19:19

It's a personal choice. But I struggled to leave my 5 month old for an afternoon. Impossible if you breast feed. I wouldn't go.

Shes unreasonable to be surprised if people decline.

Ruby8619 Sun 23-Feb-20 09:19:20

YANBU - I could maybe understand if your kids were 10+ but to expect you and your friends to not bring your tiny babies is really unrealistic!

user1493413286 Sun 23-Feb-20 09:19:38

I don’t in general have issues with child free weddings but I do think it’s cheeky to ask people to travel and leave their children behind/organise childcare for several days. We attended one like this when DD was 18 months and it was nice to have the time with DH but I wouldn’t do it again as it wasn’t worth the hassle and stress as far as I’m concerned

DDIJ Sun 23-Feb-20 09:19:52

Has she considered that people with small babies might not attend? Could she be trying to reduce numbers by stealth?

gassylady Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:14

If she feels so strongly about no kids and you don’t wish to spend so much money to view a short ceremony then save the money and stay home.

BahMooQuack Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:14

Lordy. i would be backing out of that wedding so fast!

FlowerArranger Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:37

Oh, isn't this the kind of nonsense for which "it's an invitation, not a summons" was invented...

Onceuponatimethen Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:44

I wouldn’t have gone without my bf baby at this age. If everyone declines she may rethink

Mintjulia Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:48

Decline the invitation. If she gets a few rejections, she may change her mind.

OneStepSideways Sun 23-Feb-20 09:20:48

I can see both sides... she doesn’t want her wedding ruined by wailing babies, but equally you might be breastfeeding or not want to leave your baby behind.

I guess the bride doesn’t have kids yet?

If your baby takes a bottle by then and your DH is happy to stay home then you might be glad of a child free girls break. It can be a nightmare flying with a baby and lugging all the stuff through customs (car seat, buggy etc) and babies tend to cry on planes as their ears hurt.

Sparklingbrook Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:06

I wouldn't go. She's daft if she doesn't realise this is a dealbreaker for you.

BuffaloCauliflower Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:07

She’s being unreasonable to expect people to go abroad without their babies. I wouldn’t go.

JingleCatJingle Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:16

Maybe she doesn’t include babies as ‘children’. Might be worth checking.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:17

I would skip the wedding. I would also feel a bit hurt that my attendance obviously didn't mean that much to her.

Didntwanttochangemyname Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:32

Not a chance would I leave my 5 month old baby to go to the wedding of a friend, no matter how 'good' (and frankly inconsiderate) the friend is.

kingsassassin Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:47

We had a similar one but European destination so not quite so pricey. In the end my mum came too and looked after DD while we were at the wedding. It meant we didn't stay in the hotel with everyone else which was a bit of a shame but we did at least get to attend.

Is something like that worth considering at all?

Insaneinthemembury Sun 23-Feb-20 09:21:59

It's unusual not to allow babies to a wedding. Even when it says no kids my friends have always allowed babes in arms/babies breast feeding.
It's harsh to expect a baby and mother to be separated, how will the baby eat if it's breast fed?

Sparklingbrook Sun 23-Feb-20 09:22:12

TBF even if children/babies were invited I wouldn't faff about with going though.

AriadnesFilament Sun 23-Feb-20 09:22:20

So she’s getting married abroad, over the school holidays, but has banned children, and is getting a pout on that people might not attend?

Yeah, YANBU.

She’s going to have a very empty wedding I reckon.

BahMooQuack Sun 23-Feb-20 09:22:33

Oh on the ears hurting thing

I recommend these to all and sundry.

But no she is not being realisitic if she expects people to leave babies IMO

Frenchw1fe Sun 23-Feb-20 09:22:39

I would normally say her wedding her choice. But if the wedding is abroad then of course mothers with young babies will want to take them too.
Your friend can't have it both ways and you have as much right to refuse to go in these circumstances as she does to say no children.
When my dn got married it was a child free wedding except for a friend that had come from abroad who obviously had brought her baby.

DDiva Sun 23-Feb-20 09:23:31

No way would I have spent that money and left my baby so soon.

She either wants you there enough to allow children to attend or not.

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