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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 23/02/2020 10:28

She can't expect people to leave small babies so she has either gone Bridezilla or she doesn't mind if you don't come.

thereisfreedomwithin · 23/02/2020 10:30

Organise an event locally where the friends who aren’t going make a fuss of her.

Salene · 23/02/2020 10:30

No children is fine but no new born babies is a joke. Who is going to fly off and leave their new baby behind.?

I would be explaining this to her.

74NewStreet · 23/02/2020 10:30

She doesn’t really want any of you there. She knew three of the group would have newborns and she booked it anyway...
The destination is more important to some people than the guest list.
You say there’s over 150 going. Going, or invited?

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 10:31

I breastfed my child and couldn't express to save my life so I couldn't have gone while my child was under 3 in those circumstances. I think it's poor form to exclude infants and breastfed toddlers

While I am in agreement about small babies, i hardly think not being able to BF a three year old for a long weekend is quite the problem you make it sound. In fact it might have been the welcome break you needed to help make it stop. The child was hardly going to starve to death.

BahMooQuack · 23/02/2020 10:31

to be honest before I had kids I would have thought people would have welcomed some time away from them. I would have utterly failed to see the practicailities, the expense, the sheer primal desire to be with your baby.

Thankfully I know better now! We had children at our wedding. I never gave it any thought to be honest and I had such fun sorting out the wedding favours for the children (books, toys, colouring in). I forgot wedding favours for everyone else though. Blush

Serin · 23/02/2020 10:31

She is not BU to request no kids.
However she is BU to expect you to go!

Mushypeasandchipstogo · 23/02/2020 10:32

YABU. Her wedding her choice. As previous posters have said it is an invitation not a summons. Perhaps the bride wants a small intimate wedding anyway, I really don’t see the issue.

D4rwin · 23/02/2020 10:33

Yeah. She's not your friend. Hth

rosieposies · 23/02/2020 10:33

If she's planned it abroad then she's going to be aware that not everyone is going to be able to come. I doubt there will be hard feelings if you can't go.

For goodness sake everyone saying the bride is unreasonable - it's HER wedding. She can have it wherever she wants it, no one has to go.

Savingshoes · 23/02/2020 10:34

Is she banning your baby from her wedding or from the island/country she wants to marry on?
One is reasonable and the other she has no control over.

IdleLiz · 23/02/2020 10:35

Don't feel guilty OP.

She had the choice of having children at her (ridiculous destination) wedding. She chose not to.

You have the choice of spending a fortune and leaving your baby at home. You are choosing not to.

It's all about what's important to us and we are entitled to choose for ourselves.

diddl · 23/02/2020 10:35

Do you & the others see each other often?

If not, is she thinking that you'll all be catching up/swapping baby stories?

I went to a wedding not long after my prem baby came home & we did get a lot of attention tbh.

That said, no one was ignoring the bride for us!

sashh · 23/02/2020 10:36

Hang on OP

Is it no babies at the actual wedding? Or is it no babies to leave the UK?

If the former than get together with other mums and the hotel/resort and sort out child care for the day.

If it's the latter, she is a bridezilla.

Beansandcoffee · 23/02/2020 10:36

I would not have been able to get childcare for a holiday when my kids were that age. I would not have the money either as I would have been in unpaid maternity leave. Just decline and then decision is made.

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2020 10:37

Mushypeas I wouldn’t call 150 people a small and intimate wedding. Although I suppose if she wants all 150 there it would be an enormous wedding if their children were invited too.

IdleLiz · 23/02/2020 10:37

Perhaps the bride wants a small intimate wedding anyway, I really don’t see the issue.

Mushy 150 guests is not small and intimate.

BabyWenger · 23/02/2020 10:38

We are having a child free wedding, but in our town.

None of our friends have newborns, but we would have allowed breastfeeding babies if there had been any.

But I'm not keen on it. We've been at about 5 weddings where babies and toddlers have screamed and fussed through ceremony/speeches.

Why don't people take their babies outside when they start to make a lot of noise? I think less people would have child free weddings if they knew their guests would be sensible and considerate and remove children when they start to cry during an important moment, but it doesn't seem to happen.

Aridane · 23/02/2020 10:40

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Yes, YABU.

I’d she wants a child free wedding , she wants a child free wedding. So you won’t be able to go - let her know (& why) - and if she has a change of heart, she has a change of heart

datasgingercatspot · 23/02/2020 10:41

There is zero way I'd go. All mine were still breastfed at that age anyway so I couldn't have been able to go. But I don't go to destination weddings at all. Too expensive and usually they are fake, not legal anyhow, they legally marry back at home in the UK. You're supposed to pay out loads to watch a fake production. Fuck that.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 10:43

For goodness sake everyone saying the bride is unreasonable - it's HER wedding. She can have it wherever she wants it, no one has to go.

Absolutely. But it would be nice if she could have acknowledged that openly with her friends from the beginning and said:

'look gals, this is the day I want. I know it's not easy for any of you, but I'm inviting you anyway. If you can be there, fabulous, but if it's just too much to organise or you don't want to leave the baby then I completely understand.'

instead of knowingly issuing an invitation that is ineveitably problematic for most of her closest friends and then acting a bit hard done by or even annoyed when they say it's hugely difficult for them. Only a narcissist or an idiot would not have anticipated that.

pussycatinboots · 23/02/2020 10:43

You know this 150 guest figure...
is that number invited or number actually going without any under 18s?
if it's the first, i suspect there will be quite a lot of "no" RSVPs.

Oysterbabe · 23/02/2020 10:43

I wouldn't leave my baby and go to another country so no brainer really.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 23/02/2020 10:46

I’m afraid that the bride is in for a bit of a shock when the rsvps start coming in. People tend to be very enthusiastic about these sorts of things in principle but once the practical arrangements and the expense bite she may find that relatively few people are willing to go. She will be doing well if she gets half of her 150 invitees there as guests.

Make sure that you are not in the firing line for her frustration when she realises this.

MarchDaffs · 23/02/2020 10:47

The issue will be how the bride behaves when people decline. If she's ok with it, fine, no unreasonableness. If not, that's when she's being a twat.

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