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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Elfranko · 23/02/2020 09:36

It's only her wedding day. If people are spending that much money to attend she has to understand that its peoples holiday aswell. I'd take your baby and leave the baby with dad for the day of the wedding. Also depends how long and far it is. Can you go for 2 nights or is it a week or longer

Original poster
Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:37

Yes, I know this isn't my wedding @coconuttelegraph

I'm not breastfeeding, but I wouldn't want to leave my baby at such a young age anyway. I think I've already made my mind up, so have my other friends. Just wanted to put it out there because I do feel guilty about it, but at the end of the day, she is the one not having her best friends at her wedding.

We did price us staying at another resort, but it was costing so much money and its not really a place we would want to holiday at esp when I'm on mat leave.

I love seeing kids at weddings. It always reminds me of when me and my cousins were wee. All the adults too busy having fun to pay attention to us playing hide and seek etc.

OP posts:
PapayaCoconut · 23/02/2020 09:38

I wouldn't go.

countrygirl99 · 23/02/2020 09:38

When did this child free wedding stuff start? I'm 61, been to loads of weddings and have known of one in real life.

countrygirl99 · 23/02/2020 09:38

*never known

Echobelly · 23/02/2020 09:39

I think bride ought to have thought about having a destination wedding when a bunch of her close friends are about to have babies, I really don't get people not thinking about their guests like this?

I mean, at one point my DH mentioned us maybe marrying in South Africa so his grandfather could be there but I told him that I literally did not have a single friend who could afford to go there (some of his friends would and could, so it would mean me having only my immediate family there on my side), and he totally understood.

5zeds · 23/02/2020 09:39

Well you won’t be able to go because you have a small baby🤷🏻‍♀️

ineedaholidaynow · 23/02/2020 09:40

When people first used to go abroad to get married it used to be just them and they would rope in a couple of witnesses. Part of the reason was to avoid the big formal wedding.

Now people expect their guests to pay a fortune so they can have a big wedding in a foreign destination that the bride and groom love. Why don’t they just go there for the honeymoon? Not everyone has the money or time to go to these big destination weddings, and that’s even before you factor in children.

Ilikeviognier · 23/02/2020 09:40

If you’re breastfeeding you just won’t be able to leave the baby overnight, never mind for a few days.

pelirocco123 · 23/02/2020 09:40

Does a crying baby actually ' ruin ' a wedding ? It seems these days people invest too much time , money and emotion it what should be a time to confirm your commitment to each other in front of family and friends
Its the rest of your life you should be thinking of....if you cant cope with a less than ' perfect ' day you are going to really struggle with the next 50 odd years !

PennyGold · 23/02/2020 09:40

YABU she's allowed to have a childfree wedding (it was the best thing I did).
However, because it's abroad YANBU to decline the invite.
It's simple, don't go, but you can't hold her decision against her because it's her wedding, just like she can't hold you deciding not to go against you.

luckylavender · 23/02/2020 09:41

Her wedding, her choice. Just don't go.

SalmonOfKnowledge · 23/02/2020 09:41

I think she's made the decision easy for you.

I totally get child-free weddings, I was at one years ago before I had kids and a young child squauked its way through the wows. SO annoying.

but that wedding was not abroad. Bride and groom have to understand that you can't expect parents of a young baby to leave it on its own for days and even if they could do that who can step in to look after a baby for days!? Only a grandma and grandpa would do that and they're not always able for that.

Ohyesiam · 23/02/2020 09:42

Well either the bride is short on thinking, or she wants a small wedding.

Randomname85 · 23/02/2020 09:43

Is this your first child OP? Before I had my daughter I would’ve thought leaving a 5 month old for a few days - no problem. Fact is my daughter refused all bottles and dummies and therefore I simply COULDN’T leave her at that age (plus didn’t want to). I think it might not be unreasonable for them not to want kids at the wedding, but it’s also not unreasonable to expect people with small babies not to come.

Randomname85 · 23/02/2020 09:44

@Countrygirl99

I completely agree - I don’t get the obsession with child free weddings - we had about 7 or 8 kids at our wedding and it was lovely 🤷‍♀️

Vulpine · 23/02/2020 09:44

You could source local childcare

FlamingoAndJohn · 23/02/2020 09:45

This just sounds so selfish. If you are a part of a big group of friends why would she do it so that 3 of her friends couldn’t be there?

emilybrontescorsett · 23/02/2020 09:46

Just tell her you are not going.
My best friend said no kids at her wedding. It wasn't abroad but I did have to travel to attend and leave my very young dcs with a babysitter.
I thought it was harsh especially as her young neice was there!
Anyway it's her choice.

Tulipan · 23/02/2020 09:47

There is every possibility that your friendship and friendship group will change, perhaps temporarily, once you become two groups - the child-free and the parents. I wouldn't go to the wedding, but I also wouldn't feel too bad if the relationship suffers - likely this would happen anyway - she doesn't seem like one of those people who 'get it' about the changes babies bring.

Catapillarsruletheworld · 23/02/2020 09:48

If she wanted her best friends there, knowing that several would have young babies, then she should have allowed them to bring them.

I can see how you might say hi older children, they would have to be catered for, have a seat, might be disruptive blah blah blah. But babes in arms should be an exception.

I wouldn’t be going, it’ll be your friends loss and of her own doing.

Beautiful3 · 23/02/2020 09:49

I wouldnt go personally. I would if I could bring my family, but 5 months old is too young to leave behind for a week. Just say no.

Smelborp · 23/02/2020 09:50

No way would I go. She’s being ridiculous to expect people to travel abroad during school holidays and leave their children behind.

CheshireDing · 23/02/2020 09:50

All 3 of mine were exclusively bf and wouldn’t take a bottle of expressed milk so there was no way I would have been able to go to a wedding in your situation.

I wouldn’t even have been a case of leaving the baby with DH at the hotel whilst I attended the wedding as they were fees whenever they felt like it and for however long (so I could have just left for the wedding and they would decide they were hungry and DC1 used for fees for 90 mins at a time (so I would end up missing most of the wedding and stressed about getting back to it whilst trying to feed)

I wouldn’t bother going, I had to say no to a wedding of some old friends as it was no children and DC2 was bf (and babes in arms were not invited either)

newname4968382 · 23/02/2020 09:50

Not a chance I would leave my baby behind. YANBU. I don't like saying this but for many people without children they don't understand.