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Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Nowayorhighway · 23/02/2020 09:51

Just don’t go, they have to expect this with both an expensive wedding abroad and also a child free one. You can’t leave a newborn, they need their Mother.

Nanna50 · 23/02/2020 09:51

What does she expect friends / invited guests to do with their children during school holidays?

MarchDaffs · 23/02/2020 09:53

She's not unreasonable if she's ok with people not going because of it, unless you think weddings abroad are unreasonable generally. She is unreasonable if she has any problem with the consequences of her own actions.

Honestly though, my initial assumption until she proves otherwise would be that she doesn't actually mind whether people come or not.

megletthesecond · 23/02/2020 09:55

Don't go. It's a long way from your baby and a lot of money and hassle.
She must have realised this would happen when she booked her wedding 🤷‍♀️.

PointlessAddict · 23/02/2020 09:55

YANBU

I wouldn’t leave such a young baby to go abroad to a wedding either. They need their mum more than the bride needs you. Plus if they’re breastfed it may not even be possible.

On the other hand your friend is not BU by her no kids rule but she needs to accept that this means some people won’t be able to go

Sunshineandwiltshire · 23/02/2020 09:56

Nope .... If I were you I would not even consider.
Totally understand uk wedding no kids... but you can not expect to have abroad wedding with no children. Firstly to get childcare is hard and also a lot to ask grandparents / family/ friends etc.... also to expect people to pay a fortune to attend in holidays!!!! Ummmmm maybe people will want to holiday with their own family and spend money on that and not a wedding!! Deluded!
Only way to make it work (if you really wanted to) would be go with baby / husband and make it your holiday... assuming it is somewhere you want to go!! And drop in for a glass of bubbly in the evening? Explain that you can’t afford 2 holidays and would rather holiday with your family!!

MrsP2015 · 23/02/2020 09:58

I wouldn't go.
I'd not leave my baby and wouldn't want to pay that ott price for their wedding/ a holiday unless they got a really good deal for you.

Your friend will have known the situation you'd be in so probably half expects you not to go.

Let us know what you decide!

Original poster
Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:59

@Nanna50 exactly! I have no idea.

Its a shame her 3 best friends won't be going because she won't allow babies. I did ask her about it and she said that she thinks it's best and that a lot of the people she has spoke to are happy to leave their kids so they can relax and enjoy the wedding . Their kids are all at school though.

The wedding isn't a small even by any means either. Over 150 going

OP posts:
Bikerider2020 · 23/02/2020 10:03

Nope, wouldn't be going! She can be as annoyed as she likes.

EstebanTheMagnificent · 23/02/2020 10:03

Don’t go. She is perfectly entitled to have a child-free wedding but she has to accept that this is a consequence of that decision.

Boom45 · 23/02/2020 10:03

One of my best friends got married abroad when my first was 6 months old. I could've taken her, she was happy to have babies there but I didn't go. I couldn't afford a family trip for all 3 of us (I would've struggled on my own with her in a hotel) and the weather would've been very hot for a baby.
She understood, I'm sure she'd have liked to have me there and I would've loved to be there but the wedding just came at the wrong time for my family. She wasnt going to change her plans because I had a baby, and I wasnt going to spend money I didn't have because she wanted a wedding abroad. And both of those things are fine.

DimplesMcGee · 23/02/2020 10:04

I just wouldn’t go. She’s perfectly within her rights to have a child free wedding but she’s unreasonable to be annoyed if that means her friends without babies don’t attend.

DimplesMcGee · 23/02/2020 10:05

Her friends WITH babies, I mean!

Toffeecakes · 23/02/2020 10:05

YADNBU, your friend is being inconsiderate. How many of your friends are in the same position? I wonder if the bride will have a rethink if there are a few of you. I still wouldn’t go, not when her motivation is so totally selfish.

Tell her it’s too expensive but that you won’t be leaving your baby, weddings overnight in this country are one thing but overseas is just a step too far (my opinion, maybe not that of others - no judgement, it’s a personal choice).

Hotchocolate321 · 23/02/2020 10:06

I wouldn’t go. I nearly had to decline an invite to a wedding when our son was 3 months old, he was a bottle refuser and I just couldn’t leave him. As it happened the wedding was local and when we told our friends they didn’t mind us bringing him along. When we got there they asked why we hadn’t brought the 2 year old too bizarrely!

The thing is once this friend has a baby you know full well she won’t even go for a coffee with you without her baby. I’ve witnessed this so many times, childfree wedding then once they are parents the world revolves around their precious darling. I’d just decline her invite. My children are 2 and 4 and I’d not leave them for a week to go to a wedding in the holidays even now.

10FrozenFingers · 23/02/2020 10:06

Her choice to have no DCs but she has to understand if that means people won't go. Very selfish, but all overseas weddings are selfish, expecting friends to spend a fortune to attend. Rude in the extreme.

Spied · 23/02/2020 10:06

I'd not go.
Even if you did leave lo you're hardly going to enjoy it -you'll be worrying and aching to get back.
Just politely decline. Tell her you'd have loved to have been their but just not doable.

flowery · 23/02/2020 10:07

In those circumstances for us, DH would miss the ceremony and be in charge of DC while I attended. He did this when DS1 was 3 months old. It wasn’t a child-free wedding as it happened but DS needed feeding just as bride arrived so DH fed him outside and listened to the football while I was in the church.

No babies at the wedding doesn’t mean leaving baby at home.

Spied · 23/02/2020 10:07

There

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 10:07

No way would I fly abroad and leave a 5 month old baby and apart from perhaps a quite er...maternally detached mothers who've had full time nannies from birth onwards, I don't know a single woman who would.

Just don't go. Don't even try to turn yourself inside out making it work. She booked it knowing this, and she booked it anyway. That tells you all you need to know about her priorities.

BahMooQuack · 23/02/2020 10:07

I went to one wedding and in the middle of the service a baby started to cry. The priest just stopped what he was saying and said 'The most beautiful sound you will ever hear in church is the sound of a child'.

I liked that.

Awrite · 23/02/2020 10:08

You have the perfect excuse not to traipse abroad to attend someone else's wedding.

Win win.

whiskeylullaby2 · 23/02/2020 10:08

Usually I don't have an issue with child feee weddings. BUT it is a lot to expect parents to go abroad without their children. I would decline the invite on this occasion

Toffeecakes · 23/02/2020 10:09

Sorry I hadn’t seen your update. See this attitude really annoys me - leave the children at home so you can relax and enjoy the wedding used to dress up the fact they don’t want the limelight taken away from them by cute children, it’s pathetic. Most parents don’t need to be told how to relax thanks and spending money to celebrate someone else’s choices is really not relaxing, neither is having to find a few days of childcare.

FieldOfFlameAndHeather · 23/02/2020 10:09

No babies at the wedding doesn’t mean leaving baby at home.

Maybe not, but unless she is paying for a professional childcare service at the venue and timing the whole day around parents needing to nip off to feed their babies or comfort their toddlers every hour or two, then what is the solution?

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