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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Comeinalready · 26/02/2020 16:10

Um, where you suppose to leave your infant baby???

StateofConfusion · 26/02/2020 16:46

It doesn't mean chicken nuggets and entertainment at all!

I had my own children at my wedding along with nieces nephews cousins and friends children and the only entertaining was the disco for everyone and they all tucked into the carvery and evening hog roast.

OP yanbu I wouldnt even consider leaving a 5 month old.

beautifulstranger101 · 26/02/2020 19:14

Inviting kids to your wedding means putting chicken nuggets on the menu, getting in kid entertainment etc etc and I just wasn’t doing it

What an absolute load of rubbish. Ive been to plenty of weddings with kids, and went to loads of weddings as a child myself. I never once ate chicken nuggets. Nor did I, or have I ever witnessed "kids entertainment". WTF?

Allthenamesaretaken0 · 26/02/2020 19:45

@OneStepSideways this is the easiest age to travel with a child, still not mobile. Plus if you just ensure they feed during take off and landing they won't make a peep. I've done it three times with an under one with no tears, and my toddler was fine too!

YANBU , if you're breastfeeding it will be physically impossible, my son is 9 months and I can't leave him for more than a few hours (bottle refuser). Plus will you even want to leave your baby! What a lot of pressure. Don't go!

Heartofglass12345 · 26/02/2020 19:53

Is she getting married in a hotel? When my friend got married in Zante there were other hotel guests around while she was getting married, it wasn’t private at all. I didn’t have any kids at my wedding but we were only allowed 50 people and that was including us, the photographer and the registrars. She won’t even notice 3 tiny babies among 150 people lol

QuixoticQuokka · 26/02/2020 22:06

Inviting kids to your wedding means putting chicken nuggets on the menu, getting in kid entertainment etc etc and I just wasn’t doing it
What nonsense! My DS attended a wedding when he was five. The children ate the same as the adults and there was no 'kid entertainment', whatever that means. He enjoyed the food and had a great time, as did the other children there.

5zeds · 26/02/2020 22:16

I’ve never been to a wedding with a chicken nuggetGrin

TowerRavenSeven · 26/02/2020 22:22

I didn’t bf and I still wouldn’t be going with baby being 5 months. No way.

1HappyTraveller · 26/02/2020 23:37

Hey wedding, her choice. She isn’t being unreasonable, she doesn’t want kids at the wedding. Many hotels offer baby sitting services, wedding planners also offer a list of registered babysitters, other people take friends/relatives with them to babysit. I know people who have made arrangements both ways. And also those who have left their children at home. If you can’t afford it then fair enough, but don’t whinge about not being able to take your child. You say you understand why people say they don’t want children at weddings. Then why should you be the exception?

Honeybee85 · 26/02/2020 23:47

It’s her choice but she shouldn’t expect people to automatically say yes. Yes her wedding is her day but she can’t expect others to buy very expensive tickets AND organize childcare for several days plus some mothers are not willing to leave their young baby behind for several days which is completely understandable.

If I were her I would have hired a nanny for the duration of the wedding festivities so the mum friends could bring the baby and there was a professional to look after them.

Rache49 · 27/02/2020 00:15

Your Babies are so young and the fact that she is cheesed off at you not going is enough for me to wonder why you would want to go if that is her attitude. The Babies won't even be aware of what's happening if you do go. Stay at home and enjoy bonding with your Baby.

Rache49 · 27/02/2020 00:44

Newname, I don't have Children but I can understand why a Mum with a 5 month old would not want to go to a wedding abroad with all the things she and the baby would need. I think her friend has got wedding brain because she thinks they will just hop on a plane and go to her wedding having magically organised Childcare.

OnNaturesCourse · 27/02/2020 01:14

Id double check she doesn't want babies there. Children and babies are different to some.

Definitely not be going if baby wasn't allowed. I'd save my pennies and have a family holiday.

Casperroonie · 27/02/2020 02:03

After having my babies and getting so attached to them both I would absolutely not be wanting to leave them. 5 months is super young and would much prefer to stay with them. I would of course think it was a shame to miss the wedding but would not be able to bring myself to leave my little baby. I wouldn't go.

SoupDragon · 27/02/2020 06:59

Id double check she doesn't want babies there.

She has.

The OP made her decision on Sunday.

Snugglepiggy · 27/02/2020 07:37

If someone wants a childfree wedding abroad that's their choice.I can see the increase in numbers and expense if every guest with children brought them.
Wedding abroad ?Again their choice.But to take the hump because not every can afford to go /can get enough time off work/ can make the more complicated childcare arrangements required /actually thinks flying here there and everywhere isn't great for the planet (me)/ actually wants to leave their very young baby for longer than attending a wedding in this country would entail.Again their choice. So they shouldn't be surprised or not understand why you don't be going OP.

1HappyTraveller · 27/02/2020 09:39

Re: **Now people expect their guests to pay a fortune so they can have a big wedding in a foreign destination that the bride and groom love. Why don’t they just go there for their honeymoon?

People who get married abroad are usually good at doing their research. Sometimes it is actually cheaper for those who are getting married AND for those who are attending. Of course they want friends and family to come, or they wouldn’t be invited, but if you can’t/don’t want to go than that’s your choice. People shouldn’t have to have weddings to suit their guests. They should do what they want because it’s their wedding. I’ve been to weddings abroad that have been cheaper for the guests to attend than if they had stayed in the UK. And I’ve got two more this year. The weather has been much nicer and people have had a great time. Flights are very reasonable to many destinations. If you can’t afford it fair enough. But don’t boo boo peoples’ decisions because they aren’t what you would do.

Babybel90 · 27/02/2020 10:48

I totally disagree with this People shouldn’t have to have weddings to suit their guests.

When you host a wedding you are inviting your guests to spend the day with you, you shouldn’t be expecting them to go to great expense or inconvenience using up annual leave and leaving their children to fly to another country just so you can live out some sort of Barbie doll fantasy of the “perfect” day.

ClubfootMaestro · 27/02/2020 10:53

@babybel90

There’s a balance isn’t there? Because I agree some weddings are just inconsiderate on every level, but equally the bride and groom are the ones to whom the day really matters and it has to have some resemblance to what they want.

Also not everything suits all guests.

Babybel90 · 27/02/2020 10:59

@ClubfootMaestro I think it depends on the personalities really, when I got married I wanted to celebrate with friends and family so we worked out numbers, budget then found a venue to match and didn’t spend money on extras and I never had an idea of what a “perfect” day looked like, whereas one of DHs friends got married recently and the bride is very active on social media and loves taking photos of herself so their wedding was in a very expensive venue which meant they couldn’t invite all of their friends and family and was quite inconvenient and uncomfortable for guests but she got the photos she wanted.

1HappyTraveller · 27/02/2020 11:31

I disagree with your post. People should be able to get married exactly how they choose. If guests can’t make it or if can’t be bothered then that’s up to them. If a bride and groom want a barbie doll fantasy wedding then that’s entirely up to them. Personally, I’d feel honoured at being invited as I know how stressful weddings can be and also how expensive they can be. If I had been invited then it is my decision on whether to go or not. I certainly wouldn’t be judgy and moaning, as a guest, that it was inconvenient for me. I’d just RSVP yes or no based on whether or not I could go. If it was a really close good friend then I’d be there even if it meant using annual leave or missing out on another holiday. Because if they were that good a friend then I know they would do the same for me.

Babybel90 · 27/02/2020 11:42

@1HappyTraveller in that case they can’t get upset when people decline their invite, but the OP said her friend was annoyed when she said she didn’t think she’d be able to leave her 5 month old to go abroad to her wedding, and I don’t think many people would say it was unreasonable for a first time mother to not want to be so far from such a small child.

SoftBlocks · 27/02/2020 11:44

I wouldn’t go.

1HappyTraveller · 27/02/2020 11:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

1HappyTraveller · 27/02/2020 11:50

@Babybel90

Is the bride annoyed because she can’t go? Or did the OP suggest to the bride that HER children could go. In which case if I were the bride I’d be p*ssed. The OP seems a little entitled in her post - like her child should be able to attend the wedding despite other children not going. Personally I’d consider taking a friend to babysit whilst I was at the wedding. Or if it’s not too far (bearing in mind a flight to Europe is often shorter then some UK destinations) then consider going alone for the day with the other two women and staying one night. Up to the OP of course what she does. But again up to bride and groom what they want to do for their wedding.