Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

[Chokedwiththecold]

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

@1HappyTraveller People choose overseas weddings because if they get enough guests, the reception/holiday package can be free. It's all about the bride/groom getting freebies at the expense of the guests. Hence why we read stories on here of brides being so offended a guest won't go. They have to make up that quota some other way by inviting someone else, or they lose the package. It is just self indulgent and a way to get a cheaper/or free reception and honeymoon. The guests serve as the numbers for them to get the cheaper or free reception and honeymoon. That's how these things work. That's why the bride truly wants the guests there.

I also find it hard to believe that a wedding in another country (and sometimes another continent even) with flights, accommodation, luggage, etc costs less than a local wedding where you drive there and then drive straight back to your own bed at home.

Op if it was me I'd politely decline. I couldn't leave my children for more than two nights. And at 5 months I had a bottle refuser who couldn't really be left at all.

Bride and Groom (his wedding too) have made a decision for whatever reason, noise, numbers, venue, boozy child free event not to invite children. Their wedding their choice.

But in making that choice they have to accept that not all guests will be willing or able to leave children at home and therefore not all guests will accept the invite.

@HeadachesByTheDozen

No that’s not “how these things work”. Based on doing much research for weddings abroad I can assure you that the cost of a wedding is likely outweigh the decision for a bride and groom to choose a venue purely for a free night’s accommodation... You seem to be assuming a hotel package. Also you’re assuming that anyone who gets married in the UK also gets married locally 🙄 Many families aren’t the same as 30 years ago, not everyone lives around the corner any more. Plus many people tend to look at venues a little bit more special than the local boozer (nothing wrong with that if that’s what you want to do, my local is a dive!) So although some people may be able to drive home, others would still need to pay for accommodation. I said a wedding abroad can be cheaper than a UK wedding - places in Europe, for example France, Spain, Portugal and Italy can be significantly cheaper than the UK for guests. Especially when most weddings are booked at least a year in advance so people can book flights and accommodation when they are cheaper. Obviously jetting off to Turks & Caicos for a wedding would be too far for some and also pretty expensive. That’s why many would politely decline. But again, if that’s what the bride and groom want to do then don’t whinge about it. That couple are wanting you to be on their special day. There a limited budget and limited guests and they’ve invited you. Personally I’d feel quite honoured. But if I couldn’t afford it then I’d politely decline. Simples.

YANBU! There is absolutely no way I would be going if I wasn’t allowed to take my baby! How ridiculous of her to be annoyed about you not going! She needs to get a grip she really does!

Why does she need to “get a grip”, lm sure she doesn’t want to. You can’t do everything by committee. Its their wedding and their day. I’m guessing they are the ones paying for it and organising it as well

Just finished reading all of this and am shocjed at some of the comments i am reading. The Bride can do what she like and you can do what you like. Its HER CHOICE to have it abroad and have no kids juts as its YOUR CHOICE to not not go. I agree that if she is annoyed so many people are declining tahts crazy, its people choice to decline. I am getting married this year and its a child free wedding. If people can not come to all the many reasons people have listed thats fine, i will not get annpoyed. However i would be fairly pissed off if some guest turn up with their children or babies. If people think i ma beingslefish or its not fair, i don't really care. You choose to have children, they fit into life do not expect everyone else lifes to revolve around them. I ahve been to many weddings (12 one year) including destination weddings and i can count on one hand how many have had children at them.

I know op hasn’t replied in a while so we don’t know what happened

but I can’t help but wonder if bride was sounding annoyed because she thought that op was trying to get her baby invited by saying she wouldn’t be running around making noise? And it’s obvious op doesn’t mind other people’s not being invited just not her own or her other 2 friends

I can't find the Ops reply but I can kind of see where the bride is coming from.
If she says yes to the 3 little babies, what able another families toddler. Then somebody else chimes in what about their 3 yo?
And the black n white no children rule becomes a very blurred grey line.

I honestly believe if you don't want kids you have to accept some family / friends won't come.

Is the bride annoyed because she can’t go

Yes, she is. OP said she broached not going with the bride and the bride got annoyed. It’s absolutely ridiculous to expect a new mum to fly abroad for an expensive wedding (it’s in half term when prices are sky high) and leave her baby at home. Taking a friend will push up the cost even more. Just to attend a wedding!!! The bride has absolutely every right to have a child free wedding but she is completely out of order to be annoyed the OP isn’t going.

Don't go, it's ridiculous. I can't imagine it will be possible to leave your baby for that long whether or not you are breastfeeding. Its not like putting pets in kennals, (I appreciate that can be bad enough) trust me 😂.
I went to a friends abroad wedding at great expense about 6 years ago before any of us had kids. Sadly that marriage has already ended.
My baby is now 10 months and breastfed, I manage to spend 6 hours away from her max, even with expressing milk. Give yourself a break, go on a family holiday instead!!!

I wouldn't go. It doesn't seem like she really wants you to anyway.

She wont have an 'empty wedding'. Some people dont have kids and some people with kids might be able to sort out childcare even if that is a 'foreign stranger'

Had the OP officially told the bride to be yet?! Not sure if she actually told her or just hinted they might not go

Oh, isn't this the kind of nonsense for which "it's an invitation, not a summons" was invented...

Some brides do seem to consider it a summons, and to take offence at being declined, though.

You’ve got a cast-iron excuse not to attend a destination wedding. What’s not to like?

YANBU not to bite her hand off.

Just read the entire thread and whilst the OP is absolutely not being unreasonable to not go to the wedding, I can’t get past the amount of scorn from posters towards destination weddings!

Some people actually like to travel, some people don’t mind using annual leave to do so and some people wouldn’t classify a long weekend in Europe as being expensive or beyond their financial means.

I am actually cringing at the all the responses of “I would NEVER traipse across Europe to go to someone else’s selfish destination wedding”. Why do you care so much what someone else chooses to do for their wedding? Comes across as sheer jealously.

It is a shame, however, imagine your 5 month old on a plane and in really hot weather whilst the bride is being married on the beach or whatever. Your baby will most likely cry and disrupt the wedding. Not fair for the bride especially if she doesn’t have babies yet.

Glad you aren’t going! I wouldn’t, it’s totally nuts to expect people to leave their children at home and fly abroad. The issue here is that she EXPECTS you to go without your babe whilst on maternity leave. She doesn’t have kids so she probably doesn’t have any insight into what she’s asking.

@incrediblytired I expect that the bride to be has other things to worry about now, I wouldn't imagine that a lot of overseas weddings are cancelled.

It's difficult to get a baby that young looked after even if you wanted to leave them! and if you're BF what are you supposed to do?? I'd decline the invitation, it's just not practical. Even making the effort to go, you'll need to be express and ditching milk, have sore boobs, miss the baby, have to leave your DP behind, or have you all go and miss parts of the wedding... honestly not worth the hassle to watch someone else get married.

@jesseathesaurus

Out of interest, where do you think they will be flying to in the school holidays this year?

Did the OP tell the bride that they weren't attending? Scrolled through the comments with the OP highlighted but couldn't spot it