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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bride not allowing children to abroad wedding...

573 replies

Chokedwiththecold · 23/02/2020 09:15

Now, I know how this sounds, but I can't help being a bit annoyed about it.

I know that I don't Need to go.

My best friend is getting married this year abroad. Its over the school holidays so the price of the flights and accommodation is absolutely sooooo expensive. We are a very close girl group of 7 of us and 3 of us will have new born babies by the time the wedding comes around. Wedding was only booked a few months ago. Anyway, what's annoying me is the bride has said no kids allowed. I totally understand that people don't want kids at a wedding but I'm feeling really sad about not having to bring my baby as is our other friends. I don't see what difference it would make either. It's not like the would be running around making noise etc. I feel like I might not go but when I mentioned this she seemed so annoyed. I honestly don't know if I should go or not. I'm on the fence. My baby will be 5 months old.

Am I being unreasonable to think she's maybe being a little but unreasonable about this and she could have just allowed her best friends with their children.?

Thanks for listening to my rant.

OP posts:
Kirkman · 23/02/2020 09:23

Yabu to think she should have children there.

Sibu to think that she cab get married abroad, exclude children AND still have everyone turn up.

My kids are 9 and 15. I wouldn't spend a load of money going abroad for a friends wedding leaving the kids behind. This would mean that we didnt get a family holiday that year. Not a chance would I give that up and tell my kids they dont get a holiday.

At least with the kids we could turn it into a holiday as well.

goldenorbspider · 23/02/2020 09:24

It's her wedding however she must know this would mean some people won't be able to attend

Whoops75 · 23/02/2020 09:24

I would either not go or stay at another resort , bring the baby and pop over to the wedding for the afternoon while dp looked after the baby.

YANBU

grudieabbey · 23/02/2020 09:24

Don’t go. I think things like this are idiotic. Brides who think their wedding is so damn special that a baby cannot be within a four mile radius are too precious. Bride will surely know that most new mothers will want to (some have to) stay at home with their baby so by not inviting a babe in arms to a wedding is her way of basically saying ‘don’t come’. So don’t go. She’s cutting her nose to spite her face. A bunch of friends won’t go because of this rule and then she’ll regret their absence.

A wedding in which perfectionism is lauded above a celebration with family and friends is a doomer. I would rather have 50 little babies at mine and look back on the day with happiness that my dearest people were there than look back and think ‘YES! No baby cried during the ceremony and no babies needed feeding at the reception. Sure 5 people I love weren’t there but MY EYES DID NOT FALL ON ANY SMALL PERSON! Win!’

Pfft. Let her get on with it.

Becles · 23/02/2020 09:24

If there are three if you with babies, just arrange for a couple of nannies with the hotel. You'll split the cost and all can arrange for your other half to be on call to deal with any issues during the service and party.

TossACoinToYourWitcher · 23/02/2020 09:24

She's allowed to have a child free wedding (and as someone who had a guest turn up with a baby I knew nothing about that cried throughout our vows I can sort of sympathise on that, even though our wedding wasn't childfree!).

However, you are not unreasonable to decline the invitation, especially with such a young baby.

She would be massively unreasonable to complain about anyone declining though. This is the risk she is taking.

JavaQ · 23/02/2020 09:25

YABU. It is her party. If no one is there then she will have a quieter time but it is how she wants it.
Save your pennies and be grateful you have an excuse not to go!

billybagpuss · 23/02/2020 09:25

There is no way you can go leaving a newborn who you may be breastfeeding, I wouldn’t even be considering it. Just wish her well and arrange a day out afterwards.

BendingSpoons · 23/02/2020 09:25

I wouldn't go to a child free wedding if when my DCs were 5 months, let alone one abroad. I assume she doesn't have children and hasn't realised that is a really big ask.

Chirpychirpy3 · 23/02/2020 09:25

I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t go abroad and leave my baby at home.

Member984815 · 23/02/2020 09:26

I'd skip it , traveling with or without baby would be difficult, who who mind your baby ?

LagunaBubbles · 23/02/2020 09:26

People that have their weddings abroad should be prepared for people not being able to go, never mind stipulating no children. And that's fine if they accept that. But if they get huffy etc then they've got a cheek!

TARSCOUT · 23/02/2020 09:26

I have no issues for children wedding in UK but overseas feels slightly different. No I wouldn't go and I wouldn't feel guilty either. I was thinking the post was going to include wording about using hotel babysitters and that I wouldn't do either. Just decline and get it over and done with. YANBU.

CanICelebrate · 23/02/2020 09:26

I’d happily leave my dc now to go abroad for a child free wedding but there is no way I’d have left them when they were babies or even toddlers. She is being massively U, especially if she gets pissed off with you for not going.

EvaHarknessRose · 23/02/2020 09:27

You can't leave small babies. Overseas wedding = expect lots to decline, childfree wedding = expect lots to decline. She will understand ten years from now and kick herself. Make a fuss of her before she goes.

HelloYouTwo · 23/02/2020 09:27

I never understand why people ban small babies from weddings. Noisy toddlers, sure. Those aged 4-11 who are likely to be bored and need entertainment and take up a place for dinner, I get it. Even the over 12s who can behave but don’t really want to be there.

But babes in arms, who will still sleep a bit, can be soothed with a bottle or breast, take up no paid-for space and can be whisked away quickly if complaining- why on earth exclude them??

Either the bride fears that they will cry during vows / speeches and doesn’t believe her friends will take them out quickly or she doesn’t want to upstaged by cute babies. The latter is ridiculous, the former she has a point and you’d all have to be agreed that you would definitely disappear at the first whimper.

Or, like many people pre-dc, she has no clue how hard it is to leave a baby for even a few hours let alone days.

Friendsofmine · 23/02/2020 09:27

"I don't see what difference it would make either."

I regret letting babies come to mine after the screaming is all you can hear on the video now!

SW16 · 23/02/2020 09:28

My Dc were breast fed at 5 months so it just wouldn’t have happened. And I wouldn’t have left them at that age to go abroad anyway.

It’s sad to miss her wedding but she made her choice, and given the choice she has made you would not be unreasonable not to accept.

Oh, and before my first was born I was in no way planning to b/f for as long as I did and would have expected to be happy to leave him for a few days! When it came to it? No way!

Ikeameatballs · 23/02/2020 09:28

I would decline.

If she wants you to go but doesn’t want babies at the ceremony she should pay for professional childcare in a nearby room.

coconuttelegraph · 23/02/2020 09:29

Of course you are being unreasonable, the wedding isn't about you and your child, she can decide whatever she wants for her own wedding.

If it doesn't work for you decline the invitation.

BlodwynBludd · 23/02/2020 09:31

My ds wouldn't take a bottle so I couldn't have left him. She's being unrealistic to expect you to go. Save your money for a family holiday.

RoseReally · 23/02/2020 09:33

I breastfed/feed mine and I wouldn't have left them at that age even if I wasn't. Agree she probably doesn't realise what a big ask it is.

Soontobe60 · 23/02/2020 09:33

YABU in that you want her to change her rule on children at her wedding. But YANBU to be upset at this decision as it means you probably won't go.
You and your friends need to tell her what the situation is, and that you can't attend as you're not willing to leave your babies behind when they're so young.
My niece married abroad with just a very few close family and friends. She had a party the week after she got back so we could all celebrate with them.

BluntAndToThePoint80 · 23/02/2020 09:34

I’d not go and if she kicked up a fuss, I’d tell her exactly why.

Brazi103 · 23/02/2020 09:35

I would decline. I hate these abroad weddings. It's so selfish to think people would want to spend money and annual leave on your wedding. I wouldnt go, firstly I'm not leaving my baby and secondly it's too much of a bloody hassle and I have so many better things to spend my money on.