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To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

(1000 Posts)
Mammylamb Mon 09-Sep-19 18:34:57

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

Cegbee Mon 09-Sep-19 18:38:44

Agreed! Also, what's the point both parents being ridiculously sleep deprived in the first few days?! Someone might as well get some sleep.

zafferana Mon 09-Sep-19 18:39:32

When women have their own private rooms I think they can have their DPs staying over. But post childbirth who the hell wants someone else's DP in what is their bedroom? I'm so glad I never had to go on a post-natal ward full of strange men. I honestly think that would've tipped me over the edge!

BeanBag7 Mon 09-Sep-19 18:39:53

Surely there could be more than one ward - one where men were welcome and one where they weren't.
I would have far preferred to have my DH there overnight. I wouldnt be bothered about new dads potentially catching a glimpse of my boob - they have just had a baby with their partner so perving on someone probably isn't on their mind. But I can understand why some would be uncomfortable so why not just make it optional.

timshelthechoice Mon 09-Sep-19 18:40:36

YANBU but you'll soon be slaughtered by people saying they simply cannot exist at all without their man there. I think the solution is more staff, not a load of men a unit designed to sleep only 4 (or 6) and one toilet.

Jadefeather7 Mon 09-Sep-19 18:41:08

I had a horrible overnight stay. Thought DH would be staying with me as I didn’t know about the rules. Didn’t have any females who could stay. Had a c section, couldn’t move, my buzzer was broken, no midwifes came and my baby screamed all night and I could do nothing

timshelthechoice Mon 09-Sep-19 18:42:07

Snap! 'New dads' - plenty of them aren't even the father of the child who's just been born.

Merryoldgoat Mon 09-Sep-19 18:42:29

Well, my idea of hell was being on a drip after having a PPH, having air boots on and a catheter so I couldn’t get up after a EMCS, drugged up to the eyes and no one there to even pass me the baby.

No one is looking at you in the post natal Ward - they’re busy with other stuff.

Whatsnewpussyhat Mon 09-Sep-19 18:43:41

Our maternity unit has individual rooms so different circumstances. The first time I was left alone, in a mess having not slept for 48 hours. It contributed to my PND.

With 2nd the rules had changed and DP was allowed to stay from induction until I was sent home. I needed him there and it helped massively.

If I'd had to go on a shared ward I would've lost the plot. Bad enough on recovery ward when the couple opposite had about 15 people turn up at 6pm and the young kids kept opening my bloody curtain.

HepzibahGreen Mon 09-Sep-19 18:46:46

Yanbu. There were husbands all bloody night on my maternity ward and it was horrible.
We need way more nurses and healthcare assistants though. Members of the public shouldn't be doing a nurses job, but they do all the time. Anyone who has ever cared for a relative in hospital knows this.

SeaBear11 Mon 09-Sep-19 18:47:03

I was on the post natal ward for four nights and it was horrible. I slept no more than an hour a night - it was truly terrible. If I hadn’t had my partner with me (upright on a tiny chair) I can’t imagine how I’d have coped... there was certainly no one else looking after me! I couldn’t care less if other people’s partners were there. Of course more attentive staff would be great but I don’t see that happening any time soon.

PlinkPlink Mon 09-Sep-19 18:47:21

I would have loved my partner to have stayed with me post birth. I felt quite nervous and a little scared to be doing anything on my own. I had a little rush of anxiety when he said he was off home for a bit.

That being said, there are bigger things at play, like your aforementioned worries, and as such I would not want my partner's presence to make someone uncomfortable.

We were lucky enough to go home after 15 hours so I can only speak from my experience. But the other posts on here about having C-Secs and being left there with no-one to help sound awful. I can well imagine the support of having your partner would be so important.

Tricky one OP. Tricky.

timshelthechoice Mon 09-Sep-19 18:47:33

No one is looking at you in the post natal Ward - they’re busy with other stuff.

Sadly, and all you need to do is read threads in the Relationships boards here, that's just not true and any HCP who works in that field can spin your head with experiences they've had of how a not too insignificant number of the 'partners' of post natal women behave.

And it's beside the point, it's women being subjected to spare already squeezed space with strange, non-vetted, non-patients 24/7 including toilet and shower areas (because the 'patients only' signs are often ignored) when such women are at their most vulnerable and often sick.

Uniformuniformuniform Mon 09-Sep-19 18:51:15

Yanbu. We need more midwives and HCAs then partners wouldn't need to stay. Or should only stay for traumatic births which involve not being able to look after the baby efficiently.

paintedfences Mon 09-Sep-19 18:51:49

Oh god no, I’d just had a baby, I was in shock! For first time mums I think it’s a bit of a godsend to have your partner there. I was a bit scared of breaking him when I picked him up until the second day. And what about people who have Velcro babies who cry every time they’re put down? Much easier if there’s another parent there to take a shift while you sleep.

Missingaclue Mon 09-Sep-19 18:51:53

I agree, I would have hated this. I have read posts like this before however and it seems lots of women have relied on the support of their partners after c sections/difficult births and staff shortages. I imagine the answer would be private rooms/a choice of wards or ideally more midwifes and support staff available. Post natal care seems very hit and miss. I was lucky both times I've given birth and although I would hate what I see as a lack of privacy and peace and quiet after birth I'm sure for some women it made a huge difference having the support of their partner.

ShowOfHands Mon 09-Sep-19 18:55:13

We need more staff and better care.

I had a v traumatic labour, emcs, pph, further surgery and was in a bad way. Yes having dh there would have helped but it was not appropriate.

And sadly, yes, other males on the ward can behave atrociously. I've seen it and my midwife friends can tell some abhorrent tales.

Mushypeasandchipstogo Mon 09-Sep-19 18:56:43

I would have hated this. I had a CS and couldn’t do anything for myself when I stayed in overnight and my buzzer was ignored but I would still have preferred absolutely no visitors at night.

Twotinydictators Mon 09-Sep-19 18:57:21

I'm really glad the hospital I gave birth in (twice) allowed partners to stay, I would have found it very tough with my first. I lost 2 litres of blood and was close to needing a transfusion. I was lightheaded and very sore. But I have very fond memories of those few days, we learned how to look after our baby together. Having to keep calling the over stretched midwives to help everytime I needed something would have been daunting and a bit shit.

FWIW, I was never bothered by the other males on the unit, the curtains were drawn the whole time and I had privacy.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Mon 09-Sep-19 18:57:30

With DD1 men could stay, although none did, but one was there until midnight. There was talking, lights on etc meaning other people kept awake. I was there for nights and exhausted.

When DD2 was born, DH was in Afghanistan. I also had toddler DD1 to look after. She was born at home. At lot more relaxing (and had my DM to help).

Hospitals are for patients, not visitors.

Biggie123 Mon 09-Sep-19 18:58:18

I would have felt desperate without my DP and I so so needed his help.
In my hospital I hardly had any help - certainly no one came around when the baby cried and I was in so much pain I couldn’t move to attend to him:
No one bought me water as it was 42degress and I was dehydrated
No one helped me go to the bathroom when I could not stand from my bed.
Etc etc

I couldn’t have done it without my husband.
Most men were certainly not interested in the other women in the ward, most are trying to help their partners, cope with what can be a scary time, gawping at their newborn etc etc. But we did have a man in front of us who kept berating the nurses aggressively and his two sons sat nearby playing music on their phones loudly past visiting hours.
I only felt safe with him opposite as I had my husband there. And I’m sure other women alone must have felt intimidated. Let alone any women who have had a related trauma.

I would never want another woman to feel distressed, and unsafe at what is an incredibly vulnerable time so I would say that a female birthing partner should be allowed if men were banned.I would of needed my sister, my mum or someone.

Unless the NHS have the resources (which they don’t) so each patient is well attended to in postnatal wards then I don’t see how you can expect women who have just had major surgery or had a vaginal birth to care solely for their infant.

In an ideal world we would obviously have a choice and a women-only ward and a mixed ward- but there isn’t the space or money for that.

EnglishRose13 Mon 09-Sep-19 18:58:50

I completely understand all of your points but it would have been so much easier for me if my husband had been able to stay.

I couldn't move after giving birth due to a spinal block and catheter. I couldn't reach my baby to tend to him. At about 6 in the morning a nurse came round and I told him my concerns so she gave him to me and said she'd be back to help me but I didn't see her again. I couldn't get to my bag to get food or nappies. I fell asleep with my newborn in my arms because I couldn't put him back in his crib. My husband could have helped with all this.

BackforGood Mon 09-Sep-19 18:58:58

YANBU at all.
Though more staff would be incredibly helpful.

ThursdayLastWeek Mon 09-Sep-19 18:59:03

No partners, more midwives.

welshcath Mon 09-Sep-19 18:59:23

I would have liked my dh there after my emergency csection as then I wouldn't have had to bother people ever time I needed to feed ds.
I'm guessing that different wards would be the way forward. One for dp's and one for not.

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