To think we don’t need partners staying overnight in the post natal ward

[Mammylamb]

If on a shared ward it would have been my idea of a nightmare. The lack of privacy. A midwife bursting in when my boobs were out. Someone pushing against the curtain when I was getting my catheter removed. It was horrible enough when there were other women about. Never mind any random men

www.thesun.co.uk/fabulous/8981244/mum-debate-dads-stay-overnight-maternity-wards/?utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=fabulousfacebook080919&utm_source=Facebook#Echobox=1567937417

Yanbu, my OH got a measly couple of hours with our son before he was sent home. Men need to bond too and been packed off home just hours after the birth isn't fair. Not long after I had DS they brought in partners been able to stay on the ward, it's a brilliant idea!

To add to my previous.. I would support men in private rooms, or even a ward... As long as there was a woman only ward with enough space for all those who wanted it.

I didn't have a partner or anyone to help after my c section, I certainly wouldn't want other people's there reminding me about what a cunt DS's dad is.

I think its a bizarre set up when a woman goes through labour and her family cant then be together through those first hours and nights.

I think its the price of having to birth in hospital, as a ward full of bf and post birth women really isntya place for any men.

Women using the toilets and showers can be badly torn and very open to infection, risking mum and baby. Men should definitely not be using womens facilities.

Its unsafe,as said by pp, and its unhygenic, but the flip-side is you are not together as a family at the most crucial of bonding family time.

Birth at home?

I was the last c section of the day and still hadn't fully regained use or feeling in my legs by midnight. I was physically incapable of moving to pick up my baby. If DH hadn't been there, it would have been horrendous. Midwives were rushed off their feet and no-one else around to help.

My baby wasn’t with me (NICU) so DH stayed, else I’d have been in a terrible state emotionally. Luckily we were in a private room. Agree with PP re: separate wards where they can stay and where it’s just mums.

I don’t have an issue with men on post natal wards.
I was very delicate after having my dc physically and emotionally and found the extra support helpful.

I sent DH home about 8 hours after DS was born. I think he slept for a solid 12 hours! He then came to pick us up to go home the following lunchtime. The last thing I needed when taking my new baby home was a sleep deprived partner. He needed to be safe to drive, and to care for us both.

I would have loved my partner to be able to stay with me. The midwives were probably rushed off their feet but they were unavailable, rude and unhelpful. Both my births were difficult and having my partner there to help with my care and our babies would have helped massively. I didn't get medication I was supposed to get including antibiotics on time but was unable to walk to find a midwife. I was in pain and caring for my babies was extremely difficult with no help.

My experiences affected me hugely and still do today. If the midwives had more time and were kinder I wouldn't have needed my partner. I would still liked to have had him there though and he would liked to have stayed.

I think there needs to be wards for women who want their partners there and wards for those who don't.

Most men were certainly not interested in the other women in the ward

It’s not about the men, though, is it? If women are saying they aren’t comfortable with it, their needs should come first.

@BeanBag7. That’s an acceptable compromise

I had a similar experience to jadefeather. Couldn't move, baby screaming. No midwives came to help. I would've loved my partner there to help. However the safety and comfort of the women who have just given birth is priority so I don't think men should be allowed to stay. There should however be more midwives on hand to help.

I accept that I’m in the minority here but I wouldn’t be able to cope without the emotional and physical/practical support of my partner on the postnatal ward. I’m very glad that the particular hospital I’ve give birth in before and will give birth in again in January allows partners to stay overnight.

I had a bad birth. I had that many stitches I could hardly walk. I was trying to learn to bf, boobs out, bleeding like a slaughtered cow. The last thing I needed was some random man yakking all night, pulling my curtain while my stitches were being looked at and generally getting in the way.
I didn't HAVE a man (and I wouldn't have wanted one there anyway), and I didn't want a female friend. I wanted trained staff, that's all.
I think it was 100 times better in the days of dragon-like matrons who kept men out and nurses who had time to actually care.
I'm sorry if you felt anxious being alone with your baby but I felt anxious being vulnerable with your husband.

YANBU at all. But unfortunately there just aren't enough staff. My first preference would be to have enough midwives to properly support women who've just given birth but given that isn't going to happen anytime soon I guess there is an argument for having partners on the wards.

I was very glad to have DH with me, as he was through my labor. He slept on the floor bless him. The curtains were always closed. Other women had their partners there which didn't bother me in the slightest. I was very emotional after a long labour and I would have been devastated if I'd had to send him away after the birth!

No partners, more midwives.

Although I didn't want DH, I actually wanted my Mum there with me. He was a traumatized broken mess, neither use bit ornament. But I suppose if I think about it, by me wanting my mum, what I actually wanted was someone who knew what they were doing, to help and support me through navigating breastfeeding etc. A Postnatal ward, overnight, is no place for random men.

My dp went home both times, I think it makes sense if there are no complications. Trying to latch my tongue tied baby whilst in gown with the man opposite gawping at me was not an experience anyone should have to go through. I didn't realise that he could see through a tiny gap in the curtain.
Also the woman in the next bed along had her dp come back at 2pm at which point they both ate the nosiest, smelliest food known to man and then he snored all night long, ensuring that no one got any sleep! They kept ringing the bell every time the baby needed feeding so I fail to see the argument that partners equal less work for midwives and healthcare assistants.
If men gave birth, maternity care would be prioritised more, that's the truth.

I think its brilliant.

My partner didnt stay as i sent him home to get a good night sleep (labour had taken 48hrs and he jadn't slept), but it was lovely seeing all the men helping their partners, holding baby so they could shower, go to toilet etc.

If my labour had been shorter he woulf have loved to have stayed as well

I disagree I had a long labour ending in forceps episiotomy third degree tear and hemorrhage, had catheter in for 24 hours after could barely move let alone cope with a newborn really struggled that first night I needed my husband with me.My baby wouldn't sleep unless she was being held and wanted to cluster feed so I didnt sleep all night , because I chose to breastfeed none of the midwives really helped where as the bottle fed babies were being fed by the midwives while the mums slept ! I felt so lonely thinking back to that first night fills me with dread and makes me so sad to think that's the memory I have of the first night with my new baby x

I would say YANBU, if there were adequate numbers of midwives/HCA to look after the mums and babies. But there isn't. I was a mess physically and emotionally after DS's birth and DH was sent home for the night as soon as I got to the ward. I was awake most of the night, barely checked on by anyone, couldn't feed, scared to pick him up, absolutely freaking out in my head and didn't have the presence of mind to buzz for help. I really, really needed looked after and I was just left alone in the dark (literally) with a newborn.

If I'd been allowed my partner there 24/7 I think it would have completely changed my experience and recovery in those first couple of days.

YANBU. More midwives, more HCAs, more private rooms, yes. But postnatal wards are cramped and crowded enough already without shoving a load of adult non-patients in there as well. NHS were supposed to have got rid of mixed-sex wards ages ago.

I felt so lonely thinking back to that first night fills me with dread and makes me so sad to think that's the memory I have of the first night with my new baby

Same

This thread has happened a million times.
I don't believe that partners should be sent home, they have as much right to be there as the mother. And yes, I would have hated being there alone without DH.

Everyone keeps to themselves behind curtains, I really didn't see the problem and every single woman on my ward had their partner there too.

@Jadefeather7 same hunny