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6 yr old DD still has a dummy

(476 Posts)
Pyromare98 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:45:23

More of a WWYD I suppose. Name change for this as I'm v.embarrassed. I must concede that my 6 year old DD still has a dummy at bedtime. I know what you must be thinking, but she is only allowed it strictly to go to sleep, it helps her wind down right before bed. She is very aware that she is far too old for it, and would be mortified if anyone found out about it, (only me, DH, her brother, and her grandparents know that she still has one.) We have tried many times to get her to give it up but it's always a massive struggle, we've had visits for the dummy fairy, and santa to take them away, we've read books about giving it up, and once we even 'forgot' it when we came back from holiday. But everytime she just gets so upset.

We saw on the one show the other night, this woman that helps children give up the dummy in five days. We watched it together and she saw children, much younger than her, give up there dummies with very little fuss. We discussed this with her, and she said that she wanted to go to bed without a dummy, starting on Sunday, (last night.) She was very excited for this, until she got into bed. She then started to sob, saying she missed her dummy, begging us to let her have it. She eventually fell asleep after 3 hours of crying, I even heard her in the night, softly sobbing. It was heartbreaking. This morning I told her how well she had done, but she just asked if she could have a dummy tonight.

DH and I are conflicted, on one hand she's way too old for it, on the other, what's the harm? It hasn't effected her teeth, as the dentist has assured me, and her speech is fantastic. One second she wants to be a big girl and give it up, which we are here to help and support her for, the next minute she just wants her dummy.
I feel so evil for not letting her have it, should I just give her the dummy?

OP’s posts: |
Zsazsavonkittenminx Mon 05-Aug-19 14:47:25

OP I am in the same boat, exactly the same age dd. I am wondering what on earth to do.

plunkplunkfizz Mon 05-Aug-19 14:47:30

If she decided she preferred not to go to school and sobbed her heart out you would still send her. You need to toughen up.

shadowloveragain Mon 05-Aug-19 14:48:33

I also agree you need to toughen up and stick with it. Things will get easier eventually but at 6 years old she really doesn't need it.

AnneLovesGilbert Mon 05-Aug-19 14:48:58

Does she have another comforter like a blanket or a cuddly toy that would make her feel cosy and help her settle at night?

It sounds like she wants to give it up so worth persevering but I feel for you both.

mintplum Mon 05-Aug-19 14:49:09

From experience your only option is to throw it away. She will get used to sleeping without.

bettybyebye Mon 05-Aug-19 14:49:46

As you have got through the first night without it I think i’d be tempted to carry on.

YouCantBeSadHoldingACupcake Mon 05-Aug-19 14:50:18

Throw it away so it is not an option anymore. She really is too old for it

Landlubber2019 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:50:39

This is poor parenting on your behalf, you need to be consistent with boundaries and supportive when she finds these boundaries difficult, without giving in.

lmusic87 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:51:05

I think this has been made worse because its carried on for so long, at 2 or 3 its not the end of the world. I had mine taken away very early because everyone was worried about a child's teeth.

Why not try a rewards chart?

AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen Mon 05-Aug-19 14:51:13

To be blunt, if my kids could do it at 2, yours can do it at 6. Yes it's horrible hearing them unsettled in the night but inside a week she will be fine. She just has to relearn how to go to sleep. The longer you leave it the worse it will be. She's only a few years off sleepovers etc. What then? You genuinely aren't doing her any favours by keeping this up as you're potentially setting her up for sleep problems later on. It's good sleep "hygiene" to ensure that you don't need to rely on anything to help you fall asleep.

bearboat Mon 05-Aug-19 14:51:21

I'm not as cold hearted as the people telling you to toughen up. It must very hard for her, poor thing. I sucked my thumb until I was around 10 and nobody could throw that away so I kept on going until I was ready to stop. Sorry don't have any advice....

Mothership02182 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:06

I would carry on without it, she’s done the first night which is usually the hardest. If you keep stopping & starting it’s going to make it harder in the long run

jellycatspyjamas Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:21

I’m probably in the minority but what actual harm is it doing her? Can she not just give it up when she’s ready? Would you be as concerned if she was sucking her thumb or had a comfort blanket or cuddle toy.

Bairnsmum05 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:34

It all depends on whether you take on the role of the adult/parent in this relationship and make decisions and follow them through or you can go with your child’s wishes and let your child dictate what you as a family do. Your choice to decide what option to take and nobody can make it for you.

Janus Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:35

Yes, throw it away, make sure none are in the house else you will cave and get nowhere. It may be hideous, it may be ok, afraid there’s no telling. I would tell her at bedtime that this is what you are doing and why. Tell her sometime soon someone will ask her over for a sleepover or a brownie camp etc and so you have to stop now. Good luck.

AudacityOfHope Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:42

Put all of the dummies in the bin! It's the only way not to cave. Trust me!

She needs you to be strong now and bring her along to being a bigger girl; you're doing her no favours by stringing this out.

She's more than old enough to understand that some things are for babies. C'mon OP!

Pyromare98 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:52:54

She recognises that she is too old, but she is very emotionally attached to it, as she doesn't have another comforter

OP’s posts: |
Rhinosaurus Mon 05-Aug-19 14:53:05

You’ve done one night, she won’t carry on crying past night 3, so keep going. If you let her carry on with the dummy it will cause all sorts of problems with her teeth.

Gatoadigrado Mon 05-Aug-19 14:53:35

It’s fortunate that her teeth aren’t affected up to this point, but sucking a dummy regularly at this age could still distort the jaw and teeth alignment so it’s important to try to break the habit. Sounds like she knows she’s too old for it too and wants to give up.

I think having tried the more gentle approaches it probably is time to get firmer; remind her that she tells you she wants to give up and that although she’ll miss it for a few nights, she’ll then feel so much better that she’s done it.

She might also be starting to sleep at friends houses before too long and as she’s already embarrassed it’s important to break the habit sooner rather than later

Memom Mon 05-Aug-19 14:53:35

Many years ago I had a school friend who still had a dummy age 10! (she confessed this to me). A couple of months after I was told she had an accident which involved staying overnight in hospital - her parents wouldn't get her dummy but her dad left her the t-shirt he had been wearing. She slept with that from then on.
Maybe something like this would work?

AudacityOfHope Mon 05-Aug-19 14:54:24

Oh one other thing we did was basically swap a dummy for a radio, so she could have music to drift off to. It was an excellent distraction technique, and felt much less stark than simply switching the light out and expecting her to settle.

Drum2018 Mon 05-Aug-19 14:55:02

Bin all dummies in the house. That way you cant give in. If you don't do it now, what age do you think will be acceptable to ditch it - 8, 10, when she's asking to go to a friend's for a sleepover? She might whinge for another few nights but, like many kids even younger than her, she'll get over it.

Tigerwhocamefortea Mon 05-Aug-19 14:55:09

If you let her have it back now then you have let her cry all last night for nothing.

Throw it away so it isn’t there for you to be tempted to return it.

timeforawine Mon 05-Aug-19 14:56:20

Sorry OP but i would be binning them and trying another comforter, blanket maybe or take her shopping for a special teddy?

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