..to not tell DH date of C-section to avoid MIL turning up at hospital

Sounds a good plan!

Give her a date after your CS actually is to get her off your back, then say you had to go in earlier and things happened too quickly to let her know. You'll still need to get your DH onside though.

Does your MIL live close by? If he told her on the morning, would she still be able to turn up on the day? If so, I think you need to really try to get through to your arsehole husband how important it is that he doesn’t tell her.

If she lives far enough away that she couldn’t turn up on the day then I wouldn’t blame you for keeping it secret. It’s not ideal from a planning perspective but that’s not your fault!

I sympathise completely with your issue but keeping this information from your DH is a disaster waiting to happen.

As you've asked him and her repeatedly not to behave a certain way, I'm not sure what the answer is but I'd be telling him that you're having a planned c section and you expect him to keep it from his mother as otherwise she'll turn up.

I'd also be putting gin place basic safeguards at the hospital - tell the staff on arrival that only DH can come in and be with you and/or receive updates. Basically, she can't burst in on you if the hospital won't allow her in. So get them on side.

If he'll blab then i wouldn't tell him, especially if she can't respect your wishes. While i didn't have C section i did have a catheter so can imagine a little how you felt being barged in on.
Sounds like a good plan you have, just keep telling MIL you don't know yet, your midwife/consultant is monitoring

YANBU but why on earth did you have another baby with such a disrespectful mummy’s boy?! How would he fancy you inviting your mum to see him with his todger out the day he has serious surgery?

Tell him it's for a check-up appointment and he HAS to come with you.

I think it’s totally unfair not to tell your husband. I’d be livid if I was him.

I would give MIL a later date and have the baby "early"

I fully sympathize, but how far away does your MIL live? Won't your big mouth husband just tell her the morning of? Honestly, your problem isn't with your MIL, it's with your unsupportive, fuckwit of a husband. That's the problem you need to sort out.

@ThomasRichard - your comments are totally out of order.

Wtf??? Yes, you will have to lie to him if he won't respect your wishes. What a wimp. And your MIL sounds like a nightmare.

You have to get your husband on side to understand that you dont want any visitors at the hospital. Esp after the trauma of an emergency section she needs to understand tht she is welcome to visit once you get home. This is not a request. If he doesnt get it you need to tell him that you will ask the hospital staff to not allow her in. You cant do this by simply not telling him, he will tell her as soon as you go in. If he cant do that you will need to have a frank discussion yourself and say NO visitors in the hospital

I'd tell him but say that if he doesn't respect your wishes or back you up then he won't be invited to the birth.

I think you have a dh problem not a mil problem
Make it really clear that you don't need her to provide childcare first. Tell your dh the date but if she turns up and he doesn't stop her then tell him you'll know you're not his priority and you'll act accordingly

This is really dysfunctional and odd.

Yanbu, you are gifting your incompetent spineless blabbermouth dh a way to respect your wishes while getting away with not capitulating to his mother again. It saves LTB. I hope it works!

Do you think he'd tell her?

I would be very very explicit such as "if she turns up at my bedside like last time i will call security and have her thrown out, and if you protest, you'll be going with her"

And then tell him a date 2 days later anyway (if you really hink you can't trust him). And then afterwards, if you find out he's told her the date you can remind him that he is not to be trusted and you're never telling him anything ever again.

Blimey. Good luck

Tell the hospital that as the PATIENT you do not give permission for ANY visitors to be allowed into your room - even if your DH says they are invited.

YOU are the patient. You get to decide who can come in. Tell the hospital staff not to let her in, and tell your DH that you will be telling them this, so if he invites MIL to the hospital she will not be permitted into your room.

You have a DH problem, obviously.

Why did he tell his mother you were in labour first time around? Why didn't he wait until baby was born before contacting her? And when she harassed him for updates why didn't he ignore her or, better still, turn off his phone? When she turned up uninvited before you were ready for visitors why didn't he turn her away?

If my DH had behaved in that way (he wouldn't have) I would have been very angry and would have spelled it out to him - if he hadn't been willing to apologise and assert much stronger boundaries with MIL in future, our marriage would have been in trouble.

By all means keep your ELCS date a secret from him but it's a sticking plaster over the gaping wound in your marriage. Surely, as soon as you tell him you're going in for the ELCS (even if it's on the day) he'll tell his mother immediately and she will turn up, just like she did before.

Honestly though, if I couldn't trust my husband to respect my wishes for the birth, he wouldn't be my husband let alone my birthing partner!

I’m in the tell him in the morning camp. But make sure you stress to the hospital no visitors other than dh. They can block anyone who you don’t want there.

I can't imagine dh ignoring my wishes like this.

I would say to him that you are genuinely considering not telling him about the date because of this. It's that important to you. Write him a letter if you have to. But in the end, I'm sorry I would have to tell him. I'd ask the hospital staff to block all visitors without exception including him except him.

You sound remarkably self centered. The baby has two equal parents.