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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

..to not tell DH date of C-section to avoid MIL turning up at hospital

230 replies

DML13 · 24/07/2019 15:18

So baby number 2 is booked for delivery by c-section. I was told this yesterday when I attended appointment myself alone. I have not yet told husband this date because I don't want MIL to know exact date (and I can't trust husband to blab to her and have repeat scenario of events which occurred with DS1).

For background, went into spontaneous labour with DS1 and MIL (despite multiple previous conversations) ignored my request to stay away from hospital and visit when home. She continually interrupted my labour for updates from DH and he didn't have the backbone to tell her go home. It ended with eCS and felt I lost all dignity with her arrival to my bedside soon after, my boobs out, catheter in place etc. I was angry, mortified and humiliated for many weeks and have yet to forgive. DH and I knew this baby would possibly need planned C-section and for weeks has been going on about 'as soon as we know the date we must tell her, (citing childcare as a role) and that she has already been asking for the date etc. Plus he says it 'will be easier to let work know'. Firstly I have a DS who understands my plight and will do childcare for DS1 whilst in hospital and secondly most workplaces only get estimated date when staff member may be off on paternity leave (he is in admin, so they would manage). I plan to tell him the morning I go into hospital - he will just have to cancel work for 2 weeks, (just as it I went into natural labour)and take his phone off him too - to avoid MIL being told, and give me the peace, respect and joy that I want (and feel I deserve) for what will be may last birth experience. AIBU? How would you circumnavigate MIL, bear in mind repeated requests will fall on deaf ears.

OP posts:
fedup21 · 25/07/2019 15:30

If my DH has done this to me before (or allow his mother to do this), he would be under no illusions that I was furious and he must NEVER let it happen again. I wouldn’t have had sex with him again until he promised!

The fact that he is saying this like this

and for weeks has been going on about 'as soon as we know the date we must tell her, (citing childcare as a role) and that she has already been asking for the date

makes me think he either doesn’t know or doesn’t care how you feel?!

AnAC12UCOinanOCG · 25/07/2019 15:59

How did you bring yourself to have sex with this mummy's boy?

ememem84 · 25/07/2019 16:09

Just a question. Will mil be taking care of dc1? And if so how logistically are you going to get around not telling her?

I would absolutely not put up with this as I think I’ve said previously.

When my sil has her first dc she had an emcs and while Bil sil and dnephew were spending their first few moments as a family aunt and uncle and cousins on dh’s/bil’s side burst into the room. They’d been at the hospital anyway (cousin undergoing treatment for cancer sadly) but just thought they’d “pop in”. Sil was raging. Bil also not too happy. Mil was annoyed because she hadn’t met the baby yet. Aunt and uncle took pictures and shared them to the wider family. We were confused as to why they’d announced it and not Bil/sil.

Bil and sil have had their second now. And stipulated no visitors in hospital aside from mil and sils parents. Anyone else was told she was sleeping.

PapayaCoconut · 25/07/2019 18:24

This couple need to TALK now

I think they have. But he is more worried about his mother's feelings than his wife's.

PonderingPanda · 27/07/2019 11:53

@DML13 have you spoke to DH yet?

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