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Do you judge women who don’t want kids?

(828 Posts)
Ellabella989 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:33:51

I’m in my early 30s and have decided I never want kids. Literally every single female who I’ve confided in about this, from family members to friends to work colleagues, have been incredibly judgemental and told me i’ll be missing out and will eventually regret it and could potentially spend my later years very lonely if my partner dies before me.
AIBU to find these opinions very irritating? I don’t list all the reasons to them why I think their way of life is less appealing to mine so I don’t see why I have to sit back and basically be told I’m a freak for not wanting kids. Maybe I just know some very judgemental people :-(

mmgirish Fri 29-Mar-19 10:35:04

That's terrible. I think you have been unlucky. I have many friends who don't want kids

TheNewSchmoo Fri 29-Mar-19 10:35:12

No I don't, as that would be an arsehole thing to do.

HopefulAgain10 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:36:14

Yanbu having children doesnt define you as a woman. It's sad that other women do this. It doesnt make you any less of a woman op. Dont let other peoples ignorance get to you.

GPatz Fri 29-Mar-19 10:36:47

No. I didn't want kids in my early 30's. I changed my mind, but I certainly wouldn't judge those who didn't (and would probably be massively jealous of their child free lifestyle!)

BitchQueen90 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:37:56

Nope, not at all. Having kids is an incredibly huge responsibility. I wouldn't be without my DS but I understand why some women don't want children.

SoftBlocks Fri 29-Mar-19 10:38:04


SoftBlocks Fri 29-Mar-19 10:38:38

I respect them.

LailaByron Fri 29-Mar-19 10:38:55

Nope not at all!!
I do, however, judge Mother’s that do have kids and then spend all their time trying to get rid of them! Or constantly feel they need a ‘break from them’

AIBUtopickanyoldname Fri 29-Mar-19 10:39:31

Wouldn’t judge at all. But I would secretly feel a bit sad for them.

Which is pure projection on my part, because I didn’t want kids until I was mid-thirties and now that I have them, the thought that I might never have had them really terrifies me.

MaxNormal Fri 29-Mar-19 10:39:33

I've only ever had judgement from men, weirdly.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Fri 29-Mar-19 10:39:33

No, one of my closest friends has never wanted children, as have other friends. Never changed their minds. Now in their late 40s. Why on earth would I judge them?

FWIW, having children doesn’t mean you won’t be lovely when you’re older - DH might die before me and DD emigrate, for all I know.

Hyrana Fri 29-Mar-19 10:40:47

I absolutely do not judge a woman if she doesn't want kids. I know a few and they are older and have full lives without children. OP they are not required to have a good life.

PinkHeart5914 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:42:48

No I don’t judge.

We all want different things in life, there is no right or wrong choice.

kaytee87 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:42:57

Honestly? I couldn't care less if someone else wants kids or not. So no judgement from me.

elQuintoConyo Fri 29-Mar-19 10:43:02

No, not at all.

"It's not open for debate".
"If you cannot say something nice, dont say anything at all".
"It's just not for me".
"Well, I don't like your glasses/husband/type of holiday, but I respect your choice".
"I don't care how many children you have/want, I don't want any. How's your lunch/grandma/job?"

It is ok to tell people that what you have decided is not up for discussion, without going down the 'oh do STFU, Mary' route grin

We have one child, chose to have one child and are happy with one child. Some dickheaded nosey parkers people feel the need to comment on how we're wrong. Fuckers angry

InspectorClouseauMNdivision Fri 29-Mar-19 10:43:24

I feel you.
Don't forget the "Your life will never be complete without a child. Trust me." 🙄

Veterinari Fri 29-Mar-19 10:45:05

Maybe just stop telling people?
I don’t want kids, I don’t get any judgement that i’m Aware of because I don’t discuss it!

Bhappy12 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:45:16

Most of my friends don't want children, and I think they've all made the perfect choice for them - the same as I feel about those who have decided to have children already/in the future.

Having a child because you might get lonely when you get older is the crappiest reason ever... Why should that child be your emotional crutch? I'm sure you will have friends and other support networks to stop you from getting lonely smile

Incidentally, if you haven't read The Cows by Dawn Porter - it's a great read about women and their choices to have/not have children. Very interesting in the way it goes into the ways women can be judged for either decision, but also an entertaining fiction book smile

Ellabella989 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:45:39

I’m perfectly happy in my own company for long periods of time and never feel lonely or bored. I hope my partner and I both live long lives, but it seems ridiculous to me to have kids purely to avoid potential lonliness in old age or to hope that they look after me during ill health etc. My sister is the worst for trying to belittle me all the time for my choices. She tells me I’m making a massive mistake and will run out of time and kick myself for it

OneBILLIONDollars Fri 29-Mar-19 10:46:28

Nope! I didn't want kids before I met DH and I've heard that being used an an example for others "see? Onebilliondollars changed her mind?" But I think that's unfair. What's right for one isn't right for all

claraschu Fri 29-Mar-19 10:46:42

There are too many people on the planet. I am deeply grateful to people who choose not to increase the threat that people pose to all life on earth. You are doing the greenest thing a person can do.

JustHereForThePooStories Fri 29-Mar-19 10:46:58

But I would secretly feel a bit sad for them

That’s interesting. I often feel quite sad for people who have kids, especially when they say that their life felt incomplete without them. I know this is also complete projection on my part, but I think it’s very sad that women get to their 30s/40s/whatever feeling that their life is missing something.

TildaKauskumholm Fri 29-Mar-19 10:48:18

Having children is no guarantee they will look after you when you're old and/or ill...

stevie69 Fri 29-Mar-19 10:48:56

Yes. I judge that they've made a perfectly valid choice that suits their own lifestyle blush

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