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he asked me to lie to her parents

(261 Posts)
IonlySMOKEwhenIMonFIRE Mon 25-Mar-19 13:54:58

Ds is turning 17 in a few weeks, he initially asked to have a few friends over which we agreed to however he changed his mind and asked for us to organise for him and a few mates to stay over night at SIL log cabin.
The cabin has been booked for the weekend after his birthday for him and 5 others including his girlfriend,  ds has asked me to tell his girlfriends parents that I will be at the log cabin supervising otherwise his girlfriend won’t be allowed to attend. 
Basically the back story is girlfriends dad walked in on them a few months ago and caught them in the act and has now forbidden any staying overnight with each other.
The problem is I am not going to be at the cabin and I really cant lie to her parents, I know it will ruin ds night if she is not there, would it be unreasonable to speak to her parents and try to convince them to let her attend or should I stay well out of it?

BillywilliamV Mon 25-Mar-19 14:00:02

My teens know that I whilst I will not shop their friends to their parents (unless there is a safety issue). I will NOT lie to them. Why don’t you stay at the cabin, maybe a neighbouring cabin?

FiveLittlePigs Mon 25-Mar-19 14:02:27

girlfriends dad walked in on them a few months ago and caught them in the act and has now forbidden any staying overnight with each other

And of course, no-one ever shags during the day... hmm

ThatFalseEquivalenceTho Mon 25-Mar-19 14:03:06

I’d lie for them. Because her parents are utter twats, assuming they’re both over 16, they’re allowed to have sex ffs

MinisterforCheekyFuckery Mon 25-Mar-19 14:03:44

I agree with you that lying to the parents is a bad idea. If they found out then they would most likely make it even more difficult for your DS and their DD to spend time together. I don't really know how you could "persuade" them though, the fact that your DS's night will be ruined isn't likely to be a concern for them. Are there not going to be any adults in the vicinity of the cabin at all? If they're not comfortable with an overnight could you offer to drop their DD home at an agreed time? That way at least your DS would have his GF their for part of the evening.

Bluntness100 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:04:28

No you can't lie, and you wouldn't wish another parent to do it to you.

Your son and his girlfriend will need to sort it, but you need to lead by example here and demonstrate honesty, respect and integrity.

And if I was you I'd be deeply disappointed he even asked me to. I'm not sure what he thinks of your moral code, but he clearly thinks there is a chance you'll do it for him. I'd articulate you won't behave like that.

Seaweed42 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:04:36

Tell him you are not lying for him and to sort it out for themselves. End of. Let the girlfriend lie to her parents herself if that's what she wants.
Otherwise you are making yourself responsible for someone's safety and their whereabouts when you aren't even there to do that.

BlueMerchant Mon 25-Mar-19 14:05:47

I wouldn't feel comfortable lying.
I might try to chat about it to them.

Baxdream Mon 25-Mar-19 14:06:10

You don't mention how old the girlfriend is?

Ribbonsonabox Mon 25-Mar-19 14:07:26

I think you should speak to the parents and tell your son you are going to do so. I think you have a responsibility to do that sadly... it wouldve been better if he just hadn't told you!
I agree it's odd to try and police a 17 year olds sex life with her steady boyfriend to this extent... but really I guess it's up to them until the day she turns 18 and it would be immoral of you to actively lie to them...
Tell your son you cannot lie.
I'm a very liberal person but I would feel deeply uncomfortable about lying to someone so my son could have sex with their daughter! They clearly have rules you dont agree with and nor would I... but seeing as she is not yet an adult and shes still their child living under their roof... you know that lying to them would be very wrong.

MissionItsPossible Mon 25-Mar-19 14:09:42

Do not lie. Speak to the parents.

Hisnamesblaine Mon 25-Mar-19 14:10:37

Do not lie. Imagine if thw show was on tje other foot. How would you like it. Is the GF younger??

MissionItsPossible Mon 25-Mar-19 14:10:49

I'm a very liberal person but I would feel deeply uncomfortable about lying to someone so my son could have sex with their daughter!

Erm, that is not what the OP said...

Hisnamesblaine Mon 25-Mar-19 14:11:13

Shoe was on the other foot!!!!

BertrandRussell Mon 25-Mar-19 14:11:26

How old is she?

cheeseypuff Mon 25-Mar-19 14:12:38

No I wouldn't lie to her parents - its not fair of him to ask you to do that either. They need to have a frank discussion with her parents - obviously you are comfortable with the fact they have a sexual relationship, but her parents for whatever reason are not. Whilst she is living with them (& presumeably still under 18) that's their business. They are frankly being very naive if they think that preventing them from staying overnight together will stop them from having sex though - weren't they ever 17? hmm

Starch Mon 25-Mar-19 14:13:19

I wouldn’t lie, and tbh I don’t think I’d speak to the girlfriends parents either. At that age I’d let them work it out (or not) themselves I think.

seven201 Mon 25-Mar-19 14:15:56

Stay out of it.

Ragnarthe Mon 25-Mar-19 14:16:52

How mortifying for the kids. My mum's cleaner walked in on us. I was so embarrassed.
I'm 40 now and married to the teenage boyfriend, she is still my mum's cleaner!
OP no I wouldn't lie.

TheInvestigator Mon 25-Mar-19 14:16:53

Don't lie. They need to sort this between themselves. And also, if something awful happened and there was an accident, you could end up being sued because they believed there was a responsible adult there to prevent accidents or help etc.

Pieceofpurplesky Mon 25-Mar-19 14:18:11

Just a thought but do the company know the cabin is with unsupervised 16/17/18 year olds? Most have an age limit.
Why not book one nearby.
How old is the girlfriend?

Stompythedinosaur Mon 25-Mar-19 14:18:41

I would stay out of it. If your ds wants his gf to be at his birthday he will need to do an activity she is allowed to do. Could he go to the cabin with friends and something different with gf?

IonlySMOKEwhenIMonFIRE Mon 25-Mar-19 14:19:41

His girlfriend is 16 too

TixieLix Mon 25-Mar-19 14:20:14

Two questions:

- How old is the girlfriend?
- Who are the other four mates? Is it a mixture of boys and girls, or all boys?

I wouldn't want to lie like this to the GFs parents (I'd hate it if the tables were turned and someone lied to me about my DD), but I'd definitely not want to do it if the girl was going to be staying overnight with her BF and 4 other boys in the cabin.

TixieLix Mon 25-Mar-19 14:20:42

Sorry, cross posted with your update on the age of the GF

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