he asked me to lie to her parents

[IonlySMOKEwhenIMonFIRE]

Ds is turning 17 in a few weeks, he initially asked to have a few friends over which we agreed to however he changed his mind and asked for us to organise for him and a few mates to stay over night at SIL log cabin.
 
The cabin has been booked for the weekend after his birthday for him and 5 others including his girlfriend,  ds has asked me to tell his girlfriends parents that I will be at the log cabin supervising otherwise his girlfriend won’t be allowed to attend. 
 
Basically the back story is girlfriends dad walked in on them a few months ago and caught them in the act and has now forbidden any staying overnight with each other.
 
The problem is I am not going to be at the cabin and I really cant lie to her parents, I know it will ruin ds night if she is not there, would it be unreasonable to speak to her parents and try to convince them to let her attend or should I stay well out of it?

[Peterpiperpickedwrong]

Stay well out of it. If they are old enough to be having sex they are old enough to discuss the night with her parents.

[Ragwort]

Absolutely stay out of it, he can sort it out himself.

Perhaps the GF’s parents can pick her up early evening?

[YouSayRisottoIsayRisotto]

Well Im not against teens having sex but would not be happy with my daughter and her friend alone with 4 boys in a cabin (and a boyfriend who lies when he doesn't get his way).


And would never let him in my house again if I found out.

[juneau]

No, I wouldn't lie to another DC's parents. How would you like it if another parent lied to you about where one of your DC was and who they were with? It's completely unreasonable for your DS to ask this of you and ridiculous that you didn't just say 'No, I'm staying out of it, this is for your GF and her parents to discuss and sort out between them'. Don't come between parents and their DC. It's disrespectful and it's hardly teaching your DS good ethics.

[LumpyPillow]

She's 16, not 22. Yes of course when youre 16 no one can really stop you shagging, but she's still very young and her parents deserve to have a say in where she is and if shes safe. Don't lie for them. Now you know this info i would feel obliged to tell ds and gf: either you tell her parents the truth or i will. If they lie, you are going along with it.

What if something else goes wrong and parents find out or have an emergency, you will be in the firing line.

[BertrandRussell]

No- I wouldn’t lie for him. And I would be pretty pissed off if i discovered he had lied to her parents about me being there.

[agnurse]

Absolutely DO NOT LIE. She is a MINOR. Her parents are responsible for her.

At her age, if she doesn't like their rules, she would be welcome to move out. If she doesn't want to do that, she has to abide by their rules - and so does your son. Odds are that if you do go ahead and lie for him, and they find out, she won't be allowed anywhere NEAR him.

Frankly I would never allow a bunch of teenagers in a house unsupervised overnight. That's asking for trouble.

[MinisterforCheekyFuckery]

Frankly I would never allow a bunch of teenagers in a house unsupervised overnight. That's asking for trouble.

I'm inclined to agree with this. Perhaps it's not just their DD having sex the the parents are worried about but the general lack of adult supervision.

[sagradafamiliar]

Whilst I can see why 16 year old kids might think lying is a good idea, you're an adult and I can't believe you're considering it. Your son will survive.

[ScarletBitch]

No you do not lie and tbh I would be apprehensive if I caught my 16 year old having sex.

[ThatFalseEquivalenceTho]

I’m a bit weird about teenagers and sex. I was almost 18 before I had sex; 2 of my younger sisters lost their virginity before I did (both 13/14), the vast majority of my friends were having sex at 14.

To me 16 is perfectly reasonable.

[agnurse]

*ThatsFalseEquivalenceTo"

That's not creepy and controlling. A 16-year-old has NO business having sex. Period. They are not emotionally ready for the consequences that occur from sex - and there are consequences, even if you don't get pregnant or get an STI.

A 16-year-old is still a minor and still under the jurisdiction of their parents. Legally, though, they are of an age where they can decide if they want to leave home. If she doesn't like the rules she is free to leave. If she wants to live with her parents, she has to obey their rules.

Frankly I would NEVER be allowing my child (who is currently 14) over to a house without adult supervision. The only friends she's allowed to have over when we're not home are girls her age whom we know well.

[Coronapop]

In your position I would not lie. However I do not believe that your DS's stay will be ruined by GF's absence. Nor sure why a girl would want to go with a group of lads anyway.

[Leeds2]

I wouldn't lie to her parents just because DS wanted me too. Think how you would feel if you found out that they had lied to you, to cover up something that they knew you wouldn't approve of.
I would also consider what you will do if something goes wrong eg the girlfriend having too much to drink. Would DS not call an ambulance because he was afraid of being found out?

[Tawdrylocalbrouhaha]

I would absolutely not be lying to her parents.

If they are old enough and mature enough to be having sex, they are old enough to negotiate truthfully with their parents about it.

[Boysey45]

@ThatFalseEquivalenceTho. All my friends were shagging in parks at 13. If a teen wants to shag they will do full stop.

[sollyfromsurrey]

Wow, a lot of people seem to have been having sex at 13/14. That is pretty awful. That is children having sex. What age were their partners?The law recognises that young people aged 13 to 16 might be physically able to have sex but are not allowed to. This is because the law judges that young people cannot make informed decisions about sex, both physically and emotionally, even if they are physically able to have sex. The age of consent also exists to protect young people from being sexually exploited or abused by older people.

If one sexual partner is over 16 and the other under 16, then sex is illegal. The same is true if both partners are aged over 13 and under 16.

[IncrediblySadToo]

I wouldn’t lie to them.

But then I wouldn’t be allowing half a dozen teenagers to stay in my SIL’s cabin without any supervision at all either. Even well brought up kids can still be daft in a group at that age.

I wouldn’t want to be ‘at’ the party, but I’d want to be ‘in the building’.

At that age if my DC were going to stay at a friend’s Aunty’s cabin, I would expect an adult to be there or to be specifically told there wouldn’t be one.

I was having sex at 16, but sneaking around as was the right of passage then & being very careful not to get caught, my parents would have killed him if they could have proven it 😂.

But 16 sounds incredibly bloody young to me now!

[tensmum1964]

If the boyfriend and the mother of my daughter lied about something like this, they would never darken my doorstep again. Don't do it.

[Beansandcoffee]

If my parents knew I was having sex at 16 they would have kicked me out. I didn’t have sex at 16 and waited until I was emotionally ready. 13/14 year olds having sex and posters on this thread saying it is ok is worrying. Before we know it someone will start a petition to lower the age of consent as we are restricting teenagers freedoms.

[Purpleartichoke]

I would not lie and I would not question their parenting decision.

[qazxc]

No don't go against another parent and lie.
To be honest I wouldn't be happy with a group of teenagers without any adult supervision and not because of sex, more so drink and bad decision making. I would be fuming if another parent had told me they would be there to keep an eye and left them to it.

[BertrandRussell]

“If my parents knew I was having sex at 16 they would have kicked me out.”

What awful parents you must have had-I am sorry.