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Original poster

he asked me to lie to her parents

260 replies

IonlySMOKEwhenIMonFIRE · 25/03/2019 13:54

Ds is turning 17 in a few weeks, he initially asked to have a few friends over which we agreed to however he changed his mind and asked for us to organise for him and a few mates to stay over night at SIL log cabin.

The cabin has been booked for the weekend after his birthday for him and 5 others including his girlfriend, ds has asked me to tell his girlfriends parents that I will be at the log cabin supervising otherwise his girlfriend won’t be allowed to attend.

Basically the back story is girlfriends dad walked in on them a few months ago and caught them in the act and has now forbidden any staying overnight with each other.

The problem is I am not going to be at the cabin and I really cant lie to her parents, I know it will ruin ds night if she is not there, would it be unreasonable to speak to her parents and try to convince them to let her attend or should I stay well out of it?

OP posts:
KickAssAngel · 25/03/2019 14:26

If he's with a group of friends then he can still have a good night without the girlfriend there. Don't feel emotionally blackmailed into doing something you're not comfortable with.

He knows the rules and whether you/he agrees with them or not, that's what they are. He wants a night in the cabin and can have that, but not with the girlfriend there.

VeraWangTwang · 25/03/2019 14:27

Why don't they both talk to her parents.? Why involve you.?

ijustdontunderstandher · 25/03/2019 14:29

I think I’d talk to her parents. I don’t understand why he can’t have overnight stays because they were caught having sex, they are legally allowed to and I’m sure stopping overnight stays wont stop them having sex

ecuse · 25/03/2019 14:29

Of course you can't lie to her parents and say there will be an adult present when there will not be: she's a minor!

I would be sad for him, and exasperated at you as well but you cannot, cannot lie to them.

Drum2018 · 25/03/2019 14:30

Not a chance I would lie. What would that make you look like when they inevitably find out? I'd actually cancel the log cabin altogether and go back to the original plan.

goldengummybear · 25/03/2019 14:30

It's unfair of him to ask you to lie. I'd be pissed off if another parent lied to me so wouldn't lie myself.

JenniferJareau · 25/03/2019 14:32

I'd stay well out of it and wouldn't lie to the parents.

KylieKoKo · 25/03/2019 14:34

I don't think you should lie or actively seek out her parents to tell them. If they directly ask you then tell the truth, if not then they obviously aren't that concerned.

Starlight456 · 25/03/2019 14:37

I wouldn’t lie for my Ds.

As pp said they obviously can still be having sex daytimes anyway.

I would not get involved simply say they can contact you if they have any questions but you won’t lie

DrinkSangriaInThePark · 25/03/2019 14:37

I can't even believe you need to ask!

Apart from the morality of lying to another parent about their child's situation, what if something happens or goes wrong and you are not there as promised?

Also, you really need to respect the fact that her father is unhappy about his 16 year old having sex. It might not be your own view, but he has a right to have his.

strangerthongs · 25/03/2019 14:42

I can kind of get where her parents are coming from TBH

shagging when others are in the house awake, without a door lock, and not bothering to wait until they go out somewhere / have the house to yourselves, is rather disrespectful.

I wouldn't like your DS either OP and it's not the shagging, its the disrespect.

And encouraging his GF to lie to her parents and you thinking of going along with it is also disrespectful.

I'm totally on the side of her parents, I wouldn't want my DD with a boyfriend like that either.

Howdidthisbecomemylife · 25/03/2019 14:50

I’m sorry but 16 is not 18 and you shouldn’t be involving yourself either way.

It’s up to her parents what boundaries they decide to set, if that’s no boys staying over/no sleep overs with boys then you and your ds need to respect that.
Personally I’d handle things differently if she were my daughter but ultimately it their call.

pallisers · 25/03/2019 14:56

Do not lie. Apart from her parent's concerns about sex, what if something goes wrong on the night - girlfriend gets sick, everyone gets terribly drunk and something bad happens - you'll have lied to these parents.

If you are happy with this party, tell your ds you will not lie if asked but won't feel the need to call her parents either (I would actually text all of the parents with brief details about the party making it clear they are on their own but things are different with 16 year olds where i live)

iolaus · 25/03/2019 15:05

I wouldn't lie

My daughter asked me once to lie to her friends mother - they (16) wanted to go camping and she wanted me to say her friend was staying at our house.

I said no, however I was happy that if friend wanted picking up then I would go to pick her up (they were camping about 15 minutes walk from our house) or they could come back to mine if they were scared/cold etc and they could tell her mother that, or she could actually stay at ours - but I wasn't lying

Not sure if the girl did lie to her mother or not, but they both turned up at about 1-2am when they got too cold

RomanyQueen1 · 25/03/2019 15:06

I wouldn't lie to the parents, it sounds like they have different values to you.
I wouldn't have been happy with mine boys or girls going at this age neither.
Plenty of time for sex when they find someone they want to stay with when older.

iolaus · 25/03/2019 15:11

That said if I'd have been the 16 year old girl I'd probably have lied and said I was staying at the female friend's house (who is also going) but getting parents to lie is a step too far

How far away is this cabin? Maybe suggest the girlfriend could go up in the day and her dad then pick her up - I wouldn't lie for them

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/03/2019 15:16

I don't agree with the Dad, but I wouldn't lie.
I let Dd have Bf's stay over here, her and her friends drink etc, but I've never been asked to lie to a parent and I wouldn't.
Saying that lots of Dd's friends are 18/19.

Boysey45 · 25/03/2019 15:19

Let them sort it out, facilitating your sons sex life isn't your problem.

IHaveBrilloHair · 25/03/2019 15:19

Oh I wouldn't contact parents either, not my problem.

Noqont · 25/03/2019 15:19

I wouldn't lie, but as the 16 year old girl I would also do what I wanted.

EmeraldShamrock · 25/03/2019 15:22

It doesn't matter if she is 16.
You can't lie if anything terrible happened in the cabin you would be responsible.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/03/2019 15:23

Not only would it be wrong to lie, but there's no point. If her DF's unsure he'll probably ring while she's there and ask to speak to you, which would blow it wide open - and if she refuses to answer her phone or tries to claim you're "somewhere else" that's almost worse

Personally I'd stay out of it, telling them that if they're old enough to have sex then they're old enough to deal with this themselves

EmeraldShamrock · 25/03/2019 15:31

I wouldn't like your DS either OP and it's not the shagging, its the disrespect

encouraging his GF to lie to her parents and you thinking of going along with it is also disrespectful

This.
I have to agree with this pp.
I think he needs to respect her family too.

LazyLizzy · 25/03/2019 15:33

I wouldn't get involved.

Tell DS he has to sort it himself, but if you are questioned you won't be lying for him.

Jaxhog · 25/03/2019 15:41

Please don't lie to her parents. How would you feel if it were your DD? Whether she stays over or not isn't your choice to make.

I would also be concerned that your DS thinks it's ok to ask you to lie. It isn't. He may not like it, but being without his GF won't ruin his weekend. You know that.

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