Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for in-laws on boxing day

200 replies

AGGIEDAD · 12/12/2018 00:52

Going out (again) with in-laws on Boxing Day and 'based on tradition' we will be splitting bill with SIL, so in-laws eat for free. As they are retired, both 'kids' have higher income, but being mortgage free, car loan free, kids free etc ILs do have more money.

Not the end of the world, but it is a biggish bill at the most expensive time of the year. What really pisses me off is that FIL abuses it. He will have 3 course, always the most expensive ones, and will always order and guzzle wine, even though he is not that keen on it and never has any at home.

AIBU to resent this? DH says just go with it, but I think he is a CF and it is making me not look forward to the lunch, which could actually be good fun.

OP posts:
M4J4 · 12/12/2018 01:00

HIBU for being greedy and grasping.

Who hosts Christmas Day lunch/dinner?

NutCrackerSuite · 12/12/2018 01:03

Yanbu, what a grabby CF

TheFairyAstronaut · 12/12/2018 01:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThistleAmore · 12/12/2018 01:12

Bloody hell, if you can't treat your parents or in-laws once a year, when can you?

Nipping off for popcorn for inevitable dripfeed now...

WereYouHareWhenIWasFox · 12/12/2018 01:16

Make your DH pay. They are his parents so he can pick up the bill.

Monty27 · 12/12/2018 01:17

Sigh. Don't go if you're that miserable about it. I bet he's enjoying himself. Your problem is? ShockXmas Biscuit

Donnnerbox · 12/12/2018 01:25

Do they do anything for your family? I'm guessing they do, and this is a small way of paying them back / showing appreciation. You need to get into the spirit of the thing.

Miscible · 12/12/2018 01:26

Go to a cheaper restaurant?

TheFairyAstronaut · 12/12/2018 01:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Cherries101 · 12/12/2018 01:31

You sound like scrooge. Just chill out and enjoy the day.

Lovingbenidorm · 12/12/2018 01:31

Don’t be a tight fuck.

Coffeeonthesofa · 12/12/2018 01:31

It’s once a year, most people would enjoy having a special meal at Christmas, even having some wine.
If it happens every year as a tradition your choices are

  1. Still go out,save a little each month so it’s not such a big hit at Christmas time.
  2. Host at home so you can budget a fixed cost, ask SIL to share cost?
  3. Treat it as their “Christmas present” and it won’t seem so bad.
  4. Suggest a cheaper place to eat at, maybe something like a Chinese restaurant maybe you could find a McDonalds that opens on Boxing Day
Godowneasy · 12/12/2018 01:37

Do you spend Christmas day with them?

HirooOnoda · 12/12/2018 02:05

@AGGIEDAD

Abuses it? He has the temerity to eat three courses and enjoy several glasses of wine on Boxing Day with all his family, what an outrage 🙄

Alfie190 · 12/12/2018 02:11

Ffs it is one meal, stop being such a miserable tight wad.

HerRoyalNotness · 12/12/2018 02:13

Just do the same yourself and enjoy it. There is no enjoyment im cat bum face over what other people are ordering and enjoying. Get in on the action

jessstan2 · 12/12/2018 02:21

It's only once a year, Aggiedad. I think you can suck it up. It's nice to treat parents occasionally.

kateandme · 12/12/2018 03:40

but don't we all do that.when my grandparents always took us out we thought yay treat time!your being treated hence order what youd love to have.

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/12/2018 04:07

Ah well, it’s once a year. Do / did they do anything for you? Were they kind parents to your wife?

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 12/12/2018 04:10

Lots of options.

  1. Suck it up and consider it part of your Christmas present to them.
  2. Take them to a cheap and unlicensed restaurant (because it is about spending time together, not the food and wine).
  3. Call him on it - ‘FIL, you eat and drink more on Boxing Day than any other time. Is it because we are paying? Are you having financial troubles?’

Times gone by - I remember being taught that it was good manners to discuss the menu with your host to find out what they were having and not order anything more expensive. But then I also remember ladies being given menus without prices and the gentlemen were supposed to steer them towards the dishes within their budget if necessary.

Birdie6 · 12/12/2018 04:12

You assume they are better off than you because they don't have a mortgage and kids .......sorry but it they are retired they may well be living on a small income.

Be generous this once - pay for one meal a year and enjoy it. Don't sit there counting FIL's drinks.

notdaddycool · 12/12/2018 04:30

They must have spent a fortune bringing up your DH, one meal a year won't come close to repaying it, just get over it. Don't let it ruin Christmas. If it's that terrible go somewhere cheaper.

Deadbudgie · 12/12/2018 04:45

So he’s predictable in how much he eats and drinks. You know you will pick up half. So choose somewhere that you can afford. Or host at your home. Having 3 courses and some wine isn’t exactly unheard of at Christmas is it? Tbh why whinge? Host at home if it’s such an issue.

There was a post on here the other day saying why on earth do couples have separate finances? I’d suggest this sort of thing is exactly why, presumably your DH doesn’t resent paying for a meal for his mum and dad? Are your parents around what do you do there?

1forAll74 · 12/12/2018 04:51

You really should be happy, as in Christmas time, and just go with this money problem/situation.. your DH has the right idea.

I would just love to have parents,and in laws, to share Christmas with. and even a Husband! now all are dead..

I am sure,that everyone here,has a family member, who kind of goes over the top with all the eating and drinking at a food place,or a home meal. etc.. Nobody thinks about the money aspect when Christmas is here. they should do, but they don't.

Flowerpot2005 · 12/12/2018 05:27

So your DH earns a higher salary & you begrudge him paying towards his parents meal?

Scrouge is very much alive & well!