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To think I have a spunking ghost?!

(297 Posts)
Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 15:18:35

Of all the problems to have...

Last night DP woke up around 1am because he heard our bedroom door open (it's a squeaky bugger, need some WD40 but that's by the by)
He didn't get up, expecting our nocturnal ds to tap him on the shoulder announcing he had had a bad dream etc....but nothing! He then heard the bedroom door close.

He got out of bed and went to check on DS.

Just outside our bedroom door he stepped in a large wet patch (which, in a very un-DP fashion he later cleaned up) he checked on our DS, fast asleep all tucked in under his duvet.

He then went downstairs to check on the dog, fast asleep in the living room. So slightly bemused he came back to bed.

He relayed all this to me this morning...I say spunking ghost...anyone else like to hazard a guess?

abbieo Mon 20-Aug-18 15:23:44

spunking ghost! hahah

Maybe DS was sleep walking and decided to piss outside your bedroom door?

Although, a spunking ghost is definitely the most rational explanation

PianoThirty Mon 20-Aug-18 15:24:43

Neighbour’s cat wandered in through an open window? Or even a fox?

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 20-Aug-18 15:26:09

<jealous!>
I want a spunking ghost too (and a DP who cleans up after it!)

Leaky pipe above???? Hole in the roof dripping?

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 20-Aug-18 15:27:32

p.s. Typing the words "spunking ghost" is strangely pleasurable. I recommend other posters try it.

<wonders if it's a bit soon to nominate for classics>

SimonBridges Mon 20-Aug-18 15:31:32

Was it DP and he is using the spunking ghost story as a cover up?

DonttouchthatLarry Mon 20-Aug-18 15:34:33

DS or dog got caught short on the landing then went back to bed.

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 15:39:58

I did consider "ejaculating ghost" to be a bit more, you know, high brow...but I wasn't sure how to spell it

Dog was downstairs and stair gate was closed, so I was a bit hmm about how DP thought it could be the dog.

I did wonder about DS having a sleep wee (is that a thing?) But he was tucked in under his covers and he can't do that himself...at 7! (I think he's defective and may ask for a refund)

Only open Windows were upstairs and we don't have flying cats or foxes round here...sadly!

DanSullivan Mon 20-Aug-18 15:42:41

It was definitely a spunking ghost. There’s no other explanation.

TheDairyQueen Mon 20-Aug-18 15:42:50

The way I would like to think of it, had it been me, was that the ghost took one look at my heavenly features whilst sleeping and had an ectogasm in his sheets.

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 15:43:56

Oh and no wet patches on the ceiling so the leak explanation is out.

I'm actually quite worried...I don't want a ghost! Especially a spanking one!

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 15:44:34

Spunking not spanking! That's a whole other level of paranormal fuckery

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 15:46:53

Ah dairy queen it would be lovely to think that. Thing is my DP sleeps on the side near the door...homosexual spunking ghost?!

I obviously have no issued with homosexuals but I don't want dead ones banging one out on my upstairs landing

Bodabing Mon 20-Aug-18 16:03:08

Can ghosts hold themselves? Wouldn't it his hand just pass through his spectoral dong?

Stephisaur Mon 20-Aug-18 16:04:52

Ghosts float though Chips, so perfectly logical that he could see you from the doorway.

Why he'd need to open it is another matter, as he could logically just float through it unless his ghost erection prevented it possibly

If I were to be sensible, I would assume that DH had spilt a drink on the way up to bed and not closed the door properly. Ours has a tendency to open randomly if we don't "click" it shut. But it's definitely a spunking ghost IMO

OutPinked Mon 20-Aug-18 16:05:57

Have you smelt the wet patch to check whether it’s urine or something else? Possible it was DS and he climbed back into bed afterwards.

Crazylady87 Mon 20-Aug-18 16:19:18

Can 7 year olds spunk? Is that what u think it was? Im confused

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 20-Aug-18 16:26:15

"Smell the wet patch" sounds like a particularly unpleasant dare!

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 16:26:33

Crazy lady - Jesus no! And i certainly wouldnt term it that was if I though it was my son.

I genuinely don't know what it was but we seem to have ruled out all logical explanations...So I'm left with spunking ghost

Chipshopninja Mon 20-Aug-18 16:27:37

I can't do the smell the wet patch dare either as DP cleaned it up sad (not really sad that I can't give the puddle a sniff)

KeepServingTheDrinks Mon 20-Aug-18 16:30:06

You're not trying Chipshopninja. MN requires you to go upstairs NOW and sniff around all of your carpets and then come and report back to us with your nasal findings.

SoupDragon Mon 20-Aug-18 16:31:38

If it was a large wet patch, it would have been a very large spunking ghost.

Andthatsthat Mon 20-Aug-18 16:32:32

Did you also hear the creaking/door close?

Cynical me is wondering whether dp didn’t have a little ‘accident’ or maybe spill a drink himself and this is a cover story??

Failing that, spunking ghost definitely shock

ArmySal Mon 20-Aug-18 16:38:37

Well this is odd confused

I don't believe in ghosts, a jizzing-on-the-landing ghost is something I've never heard anyone claim.

My money is on the DP.

abbieo Mon 20-Aug-18 17:15:31

This is my favourite post ever.

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