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To think he should pay on first date???

(846 Posts)
namechangerforthis123 Mon 14-May-18 23:31:06

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

peachypetite Mon 14-May-18 23:32:19

why should he pay?

applesandpears56 Mon 14-May-18 23:32:24

Yep guy should offer to pay for the first date. You can get the drinks at the pub after or something?
It shows what a tight arse he is.

Blizzardagain Mon 14-May-18 23:32:38

If it was killing the mood for you, you could of just offered to pay

BackforGood Mon 14-May-18 23:33:10

Yes, I'd say YABU, and it's nearly 30 years since I was dating. I would expect to split it then even. I do hope things haven't regressed that much.

applesandpears56 Mon 14-May-18 23:33:34

The rule is technically whoever asked the other person out should offer to pay - but it is usually the guy who has asked out the girl first

sadiekate Mon 14-May-18 23:33:34

Why should he pay?

CFTrollsSmell Mon 14-May-18 23:33:46

I’d think it weird to expect a guy to pay in most circumstances. Splitting costs is best. There is no reason for it to be awkward.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Mon 14-May-18 23:33:51

I wouldn't have allowed a man to pay for me on a first date. Although my last first date was 25 years ago, I might feel differently now!

Shumpalumpa Mon 14-May-18 23:33:54

I think you just moved the feminist movement back by 50 years OP.

Why should he pay for you? You could just be after a free meal.

CallipygousElephant Mon 14-May-18 23:33:57

Why? Because he is male? May I ask what you would view to be 'correct' on a first date of two women? Two men?


FlapAttack23 Mon 14-May-18 23:33:58

You pay for all next time then .. saves counting

applesandpears56 Mon 14-May-18 23:35:29

Callip - it’s whoever did the asking out
This is because the person asking out chooses whether to go somewhere expensive or not

HelenaDove Mon 14-May-18 23:35:43

Forgo a leg wax so you can pay half

Thats what i would do if it were me .

Stompythedinosaur Mon 14-May-18 23:35:52

I'd expect to split. At least to offer to split.

If he paid I'd expect to pay the next time.

namechangerforthis123 Mon 14-May-18 23:36:57


No reason, just felt it would have been nice if he'd offered.

But maybe he didn't so as not to offend me...?! Who knows

namechangerforthis123 Mon 14-May-18 23:37:46

Never had a leg wax in my life! grin

namechangerforthis123 Mon 14-May-18 23:38:15

He asked, pursued even. he chose the place

Noqonterfy Mon 14-May-18 23:38:16

Why wouldn't you split it? confused

Hellywelly10 Mon 14-May-18 23:38:40

I dont think it matters that much. I would offer to pay half.

HelenaDove Mon 14-May-18 23:39:54

Well it would be a good way to ascertain if he really believed in equality.

Luisa27 Mon 14-May-18 23:40:12

I’m with you on this one OP 😂 would have been a (wholly irrational) turn off for me too - especially if he’d started to calculate how much each.
Just no

nocoolnamesleft Mon 14-May-18 23:40:29

I would absolutely expect to split. And would feel pretty uncomfortable not splitting on the first date. Like...he was trying to buy me.

ErrolTheDragon Mon 14-May-18 23:41:04

YABU if you thought he should pay just because he's a man.

But maybe he was also BU if he was making fuss about calculating how much it was each. That implies either he was going through the bill working out who had what, or else that he couldn't divide by two. I'd probably have found either of those things a turn off.

BestZebbie Mon 14-May-18 23:41:49

YABU, you should be paying your own way (or at least not assuming he will treat you).
I can see how a long to-the-penny calculation of 'his' vs 'yours' is a passion-killer though, as opposed to eg: a quick add up of the items to the nearest pound and round up with a tip. It would be tedious with a friend and a first date is supposed to be on best social behaviour.

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