To think he should pay on first date???

[namechangerforthis123]

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

First date should definitely be half each, IMO. But if he did the "my starter cost less than yours" type calculations, there wouldn't be a second date.

No sorry your not being unfair.
If he liked your that much he would just have paid and said nothing to impress you.....
There us nothing to say you couldn't have offered him half... but the every penny you owe.. eek he would not have got a kiss off me.

I am torn.

On the one hand I think whoever does the asking should pay, so if a man asks you then he should pay.... BUT, if a man asked me on a date and I didn't care for him much, and didn't want to see him again, I would pay my share. If I DID want to see him again, he can pay, and I will pay next time.

If a man asked me out on a date then started to calculate what each of us has, to make sure he didn't end up paying for more than he ate, that would not bode well with me. I cannot bear a tight-arsed man..... I am sure that will upset the hardline feminists, but they will get over it. 🙄

Also, in my experience, men who are selfish with their money, are selfish in bed. Always.

If a man is so stingy that he has to make sure he doesn't pay a PENNY more than he ate, then when he asks a woman out, he should take her to McDonalds. If he's lucky he may find a voucher in The Sun for a free 'small fries;' save himself a few pennies.

I think with internet dating, etiquette has changed and dates go halves

YABVU! Pay your own way! You can’t be independent/slight feminist etc. etc. then be offended surely?!

mummmy2017
So a man pays to show he really likes you?! And how do you show him you really like him?

@BlondeB83 I'm not offended! Christ, it's hardly offensive! Just a turn off!

Calculating the bill would have pissed me off though, that’s an entirely different annoyance.

Who ever asked the person out to dinner should offer to pay IMO be that a man or a woman!

For the record, he did not whip out his calculator, he could divide by two (hooray!)

LOL @ blondeb83's' comment. What is a slight feminist?

Is that anything like being a little bit pregnant? PMSL!

OPmaybe if your feelings about dates paying don’t fit in with the rest of your feminist values then you should question where your feelings about men paying come from. It’s good to question your reaction to things and you might change your thinking about some things.

@ThereIsAlwaysDrama - yep I think that's part of it...

@UserV - I did that bit too - I can be whatever the hell sort of feminist I like! Including a hypocritical one from time to time if I bloody like.

"What is a slight feminist?"

A bloke who wants to go halves but then would recoil at a bit of leg hair.

When me and dp went for a drink after first meeting I had to basically run to the bar and order before him. He wasn't going to let me pay for anything.

Although after the price of 2 pints in that first pub I was quite happy to let him pay!

Exactly @namechanger

@VodkaRevelation think you make a really interesting point, and I think that was probably one of the aims of posting.

My family was v hard up when I was growing up & I think that has something to do with it....

Deep for midnight on a Monday!

Of course you split it , fifty fifty, if he started working out who had what on the chest date and you owe twenty four pence more etc that'd irritate, but splitting is expected. You're not a princess.

@FASH84 'you're not a princess'

Not sure what on earth that means!

I’d insist on going Dutch.

I would expect to split it (and I haven’t been in a first date more than 25 years.

You may have learned something about him but if you showed that you were miffed he also learned something about you.

It means put your big girl pants on and pay for your own bloody dinner, don't expect to be spoiled or looked after by a man. Ugh.

I think it's polite for the person who asked the other out/chose the restaurant to pay the bill.

I think it is equally polite for the person who ate and drank half the contents of the bill to offer to pay half.

And if the date hasn't gone well I think the inviter should accept the other going half if they want to, but if they want a second date they should say 'how about I get this one and you the next?'

Has Mumsnet travelled back in time to 1958 or something?