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Original poster

To think he should pay on first date???

845 replies

namechangerforthis123 · 14/05/2018 23:31

Had a 'frank' discussion with a girlfriend at the w/e who was outraged that I thought a first date should pay for dinner.

I am v independent, decent career, probably generally feminist views on the whole.
He made it v clear he liked me.

But it was such a turn off when he started calculating how much it was each! 

It just was a passion killer; can't explain why!!

Would be interested to hear the MN view on this. Get your flame throwers ready! 

OP posts:
mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 00:01

If he thinks paying 30 quid gets him into my pants then both him and you vodka have a very poor opinion of women.
If he asked you out. Chased you and choose where to eat then he should have paid... it's so sad how fems have degraded a simple date into some sort of power play... had he intended to split the meal he should have Said do you want to meet up and go Dutch on a meal...

OliviaStabler · 15/05/2018 00:01

I would offer to go halves but if he paid he'd score brownie point. I hate a man who is tight.

NorthEndGal · 15/05/2018 00:06

I haven't dated in 23 years, and I'm pretty old school when it comes to this stuff. I would offer to pay half, but expect him to pay it all, because he's a gent. Then I would offer to either treat or cook for him next time.
If he took me up on the offer to split, I'd do so graciously and never go out with him again.

Mind you, I'm a MN baddy , Grin a full on Mrs, had kids young, finacially dependent on my dh, with a shared bank account Shock so don't listen to what I say

lostinjapan · 15/05/2018 00:07

It astounds me how anyone can call a man 'tight' in these circumstances. He's happily paying his share. The woman is the one getting stroppy about having to pay her share for the food and drink she consumed, but she criticises the man for being tight. It's such double standards!

Earlybird · 15/05/2018 00:08

Do you think you'll see each other again?

Some women prefer to pay for themselves so there is no unspoken expectation of anything 'owed' in return.

GabsAlot · 15/05/2018 00:08

i dunno a blind date half and half

he persued you but maybe didnt want to offend-how well do u know him

AmazingPostVoices · 15/05/2018 00:08

I’m with you Lost I have no idea why a man not automatically paying is tight.

AornisHades · 15/05/2018 00:11

I grabbed the bill for my first meal with DH because I knew i earned a lot more than him. We'd bought each other drinks on our first date.

HelenaDove · 15/05/2018 00:14

But a lot of men have double standards when it comes to feminism too and will only embrace the bits that suits them.

Are there as many men going halves on childcare as there is going halves on dates?

Look at the recent thread where a woman got told she should shave for her husband.

And if a man would recoil at a bit of body hair on a woman while eager to go halves on a date...........hes not doing it because he believes in equality and feminism is he

Hes only embracing the part which suits his wallet.

Im not single so not dating (thank God) but there are many women on low incomes who would have to forego something else so they could afford to pay half.

Ruffian · 15/05/2018 00:15

Your friend is right to be outraged at your ridiculous, selfish, archaic views.

Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit · 15/05/2018 00:15

I agree it would put me off if the man didn’t pay. my DH pays for all of our dates he would be horrified if I paid. Thinking about it each man I have ever dated has always paid.

Johnnyfinland · 15/05/2018 00:16

But what about if the person who asks you on a date doesn't choose the restaurant? E.g:

Man: would you like to go on a date
Woman: yes, lets go to XXXX

So by that logic does she pay because she chose the restaurant?

(For the record I would never expect a man to pay, always offer to split and expect to pay my share)

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 00:16

This us about how he respects you in that first meeting .
If he had said Dutch, it's one thing but the halving it on a first date he requested... No big black Mark... he will be a tight arse.. such a shame you can't see how your rush to have fairness also diminishes your worth....

SnobbyShores · 15/05/2018 00:17

Call me old fashioned, call me anything you like, but I think he asked and he should pay.

It would put me off somewhat if the guy didn't at least offer to pay on a first date.

Preparing myself to be flamed to the depths of hell, but I genuinely think if he asked you out, then it's on him. You pay next time by all means, but I'm not sure I'd be racing for a second date with someone calculating the pennies to split the bill.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 00:19

If a man took you to a fancy place and it was 500 for the evening would you pay 250?

SwimmingKaren · 15/05/2018 00:19

I feel the same. Can’t explain why but the man always pays on the first date. He just does! Grin

RedForFilth · 15/05/2018 00:24

If a man is dating a lot it would get expensive to pay all the time. Splitting is fair and equal!
Seems strange to (rightly) expect equality in all areas, equal pay etc but then expect a meal ticket just because you're a woman. If paying for your own meals and drinks bothers you then he's had a lucky escape I think!!
I've been seeing someone for a year and have probably paid for more things because I earn more!

ilovesooty · 15/05/2018 00:24

I think if someone has the archaic idea that a man should pay because he's male, that man has got himself a lucky escape if that woman declines to see him again while she finds the next poor sod to leech off.

PyongyangKipperbang · 15/05/2018 00:26

I would expect the person who did the asking to offer and expect to pay, that is standard etiquette isnt it? The host covers the cost? I would expect to pay if I asked a man out.

However I would insist on paying half or getting the drinks so it worked out roughly equal, mainly as it removes the whole "I paid for dinner so ......." expectation that sadly many men still seem to have.

Bumbledumb · 15/05/2018 00:29

If a man is dating a lot it would get expensive to pay all the time.

He wouldn't have to be dating a lot for it to get expensive based on mummmy2017's expectations for a first date.

WhiteFreesias · 15/05/2018 00:29

Tightness is unattractive (you, not him).

Maybe he was slow to calculate 50% because you were slow to catch on or were obviously dragging your heels about contributing?

Maybe he could pay if you liked each other and agreed to get the next one. If you don't think a second date is likely you absolutely should split the bill.

LouiseCheese123 · 15/05/2018 00:31

I agree with you OP, not because I think a man should pay but because I find money awkward and penny-pinching is a really unattractive quality (in cases where people have the money). Even if I go for coffee/meal with a friend, quite often one or other of us will usually pay and the other one will agree to pay next time. It feels nicer that way, and less transactional.

A long time ago I dated a bloke who said at the end of the first meal 'ok if we split this?' I was totally fine with that, until the second date when he said 'I think you let me pay last time so I'll return the favour and let you get this one' and wandered off to the loo leaving me with the bill! There wasn't a third date.

ginghambox · 15/05/2018 00:36

Did you get a shag or not Grin

HelenaDove · 15/05/2018 00:36

Louise he was totally gaslighting you there.

mummmy2017 · 15/05/2018 00:36

A first date is meant to be just that a date not coffee...
I don't think he should pay 500.
I asked what you would do if you got asked somewhere nice and he choose and the bill's was 500... if he then turned round and asked you for half. Would you pay up?

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