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To think this should be a police matter?

(216 Posts)
movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 14:26:11

Have had many issues with my XH stepson (18) and his inappropriate behaviour towards my DC. (DS is 6, DD is 8)
Including letting them watch Krampus (15 cert movie in which a creature terrorises kids on Christmas Eve if they are on the naughty list) and then telling DS that he was on the naughty list.
Asking them if they like clowns, when they replied that they did he said 'You won't after this) then showed them the trailer for IT.

There have been other issues but these were the worst two.

My solicitor had addressed these issues in a letter and asked that the step-son was no longer left with the DC unsupervised.

My DC were left alone with both his step children (18 & 14) at the weekend and my 6 year old boy was chased, restrained and had duck tape put across his mouth and his arms taped together behind his back!

Social services have been informed and I have a meeting scheduled with my solicitor to discuss a court order to make sure my DC are never left alone with them again! Both my children say that they want to see their Dad but not the step-children.

So, That's the backstory. My question is should this actually be considered a police matter as the step-son is 18 and an adult? What would he be charged with if so?

WellThisIsShit Thu 19-Apr-18 15:20:00

The video stuff doesn’t sound great but is more of a private matter I’d have thought. It’s that rocky ground of different values and boundaries, and emotional / intangible stuff being harder to legislate about. I think, anyway!

However what you describe this last weekend sounds terrifying and is clearly over the line. 18 yrs old is an adult yes in the eyes if the law...

What do you want out of going to the police though? Be sure you know what you want as an end point though...

RafikiIsTheBest Thu 19-Apr-18 15:26:04

I suggest speaking to the police about it. See how they view it.
Clearly, it wasn't a game to your poor DS, and leaving a 6-year-old alone (assuming your XH and his DW/P were out) alone with an 18-year-old who is not suitable for caring for him should be classed as negligence, and the SS is being abusive towards them.
Was the 14-year-old joining in? Where was your DD? Is your poor DS okay? What has your XH said about it? Have the kids talked to him about any of this?

Leeds2 Thu 19-Apr-18 15:40:59

Does your Ex know that this is happening? How did Ex react to the solicitor's letter? Just wondering if he left the 18 year old with your DC as a way of saying, "I'll not be told what to do with my own children." If he now knows what happened to your poor DS, I hope he would think twice about doing it again.

movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 15:59:54

Back in a bit, Visitors in.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 19-Apr-18 16:01:57

What is your XH's attitude to it?

Why is he leaving them alone together if you have requested that he doesn't?

XJerseyGirlX Thu 19-Apr-18 16:05:47

Oh god that's awful. What kind of 18 yr old does that to a six year old? Has he got mental health problems? Hope your son is ok.

movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 16:16:02

Ex knows all about the videos etc and minimised the situation completely, Didn't respond to the solicitors letter.

I would not expect police to get involved about the previous events, I was really just thinking about the incident at the weekend.

Yes XH and his GF were out at the shop at the time and XH response when he saw what was going on was to laugh (dickhead)

The 14 year old instigated the tape situation and did the taping, The 18 year old restrained him.

movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 16:19:12

I've no idea why he persists in leaving them alone despite my asking him not to and despite a solicitors letter, More importantly why would he continue to leave them knowing what he has done?

As far as I'm aware neither have any mental health problems.

Huskylover1 Thu 19-Apr-18 16:21:54

I wouldn't let them go to your ExH's house again.

You may not be aware, but had they left your son on his front like that, for any length of time, he could have died. This is why people who are detained by police and handcuffed while face down, are quickly sat up afterwards.

The police would probably charge the 18 y/o with assault, or at the very least a breach of the peace (causing fear and alarm). And yes, in your shoes I would report it.

And please never allow your kids over to that house again. Ever!

BarbarianMum Thu 19-Apr-18 16:22:06

If it is a police matter, what would the charge be? Not arguing, just wondering.

And YY to involving social services and ensuring they are never left alone with them again (or at least until they grow the fuck up).

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Thu 19-Apr-18 16:22:25

Your XH sounds like a fucking bullying little shit, guess that's where the 14 and 18 year olds get it from.


I would refuse contact until he makes other arrangements or at least supervised contact. Your poor kids!

FeistyColl Thu 19-Apr-18 16:22:40

That is appalling OP! Sounds like assault to me.
I really hope both your DC are ok now.

ReanimatedSGB Thu 19-Apr-18 16:22:45

Stop contact and let the XH take you to court. Your poor DC. It's technically assault but the police may well treat it as a he said/she said family matter, unfortunately - but it might be worth.

LakieLady Thu 19-Apr-18 16:23:58

Surely this is a safeguarding matter?

I wouldn't let them go until you receive a categoric assurance from your ex that they will not be left unsupervised with the stepchildren or permitted to see stuff that's age-inappropriate.

If the contact is ordered by the courts, I'd apply to the court to have the order varied along those lines.

MrsTerryPratchett Thu 19-Apr-18 16:25:05

If it is a police matter, what would the charge be? Not arguing, just wondering. Assault? False imprisonment?

yasmin0147 Thu 19-Apr-18 16:25:22

That’s terrifying for a six year old to go through I would 100% report that

letsdolunch321 Thu 19-Apr-18 16:25:54

I would call 101 - the police non emergency number. I called them regards a domestic situation recently. The lady who took my call was very helpful and non judgemental.

movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 16:25:56

My children will not be going back there while those two are in the house! Ever!

I though I would have heard back from social services today, I reported it on Tuesday afternoon.

I will call the police as soon as I've dropped the children at school tomorrow.

KT63 Thu 19-Apr-18 16:26:16

Your XH is a dick. The videos are cruel and frankly fucking odd, why would he want to terrorise small children?

The restraint, duck tape (horrendous stuff once in contact with skin!) and bullying I would absolutely involve the police. For both the 14 and the 18 year old.

sassymuffin Thu 19-Apr-18 16:26:46

OP that sounds like a horrible experience for your young son! It sounds as if the step children have serious issues and enjoy frightening their step siblings.

An 18 year old deliberately showing young children inappropriate horror films/trailers is horrible and shows a nasty streak at best.

An 18 year old restraining a child with duct tape over their mouth and taping their hands behind their back is abusive. Even if it was acted out as a game it is inappropriate and displays worrying behaviour that needs immediate intervention.

Has your ex responded to this latest behaviour?

You have absolutely done the right thing engaging with social services as this is potentially a child protection issue. Have social services recommended reporting to the police? I certainly would temporarily stop contact unless your ex absolutely guarantees that his other children are not present while this issue is investigated and a solution sought.

Uniquack Thu 19-Apr-18 16:29:03

If this had happened to my DC I would hit the bloody roof! I wouldn't allow them to go to their DF 'till the matter had been resolved, and I would definitely speak to the police. They physically and emotionally assaulted your DS. It might be funny to look at, but the mental scars will probably stay with him for years to come - and his 'D'F laughing about it??? Wow. And I'm speaking as someone who's ex has hurt my DD - he wasn't allowed to see the DC for three months while the police investigation was ongoing.

movinonup Thu 19-Apr-18 16:30:07

The children are okay now, Thank you for asking.
DS was really subdued on monday morning, said he wasn't well so I kept him off school, He just wanted cuddles all day sad poor wee soul!
He told us what happened while sitting at the dinner table on Monday night.
He's back to his normal self today

Mxyzptlk Thu 19-Apr-18 16:30:17

XH response when he saw what was going on was to laugh (dickhead)
So not just stupidity on XH's part in leaving your DCs with the teenagers. He clearly finds nothing wrong with their vile behaviour and cannot be trusted to look after the DCs.

Reporting to the police would, I think, help if you want to prevent XH having unsupervised contact with the DCs.

FizzyGreenWater Thu 19-Apr-18 16:30:18

Yes, if your DS had ended up face down like that for any length of time then this could have ended very differently. Too fucking right the police would be interested in your 18 year old trainee abuser of a stepson then, because he'd be on remand right now.

Stop contact.
Update your solicitor
Go to the police.

The outcomes I would want are:

- To get the 18 year old charged, if possible, with assault - hopefully giving the little shit enough of a sharp shock to perhaps change his ways before he becomes a full-on abuser to other poor kids/partners;
-That or a caution would pave the way for you to get a court order which would ensure your children are protected fully in future, should they wish to see their father (or should you wish to allow it) - you could have an order prohibiting the stepchildren from being present, or prohibiting contact at home, Ex-H would have to see them elsewhere;
- As your Ex-H clearly doesn't give a shit about his children's welfare, all this would also ensure that he is no longer left in a position of care. He's ignored the solicitor's letter and has shown you he intends to leave them in an unsafe situation (and actually finds the idea of them being frightened and physically abused funny) so yep you want to take all steps you can to make sure that either he doesn't see them at all, or they see him with others present in a safe situation.

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