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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this should be a police matter?

215 replies

movinonup · 19/04/2018 14:26

Have had many issues with my XH stepson (18) and his inappropriate behaviour towards my DC. (DS is 6, DD is 8)
Including letting them watch Krampus (15 cert movie in which a creature terrorises kids on Christmas Eve if they are on the naughty list) and then telling DS that he was on the naughty list.
Asking them if they like clowns, when they replied that they did he said 'You won't after this) then showed them the trailer for IT.

There have been other issues but these were the worst two.

My solicitor had addressed these issues in a letter and asked that the step-son was no longer left with the DC unsupervised.

My DC were left alone with both his step children (18 & 14) at the weekend and my 6 year old boy was chased, restrained and had duck tape put across his mouth and his arms taped together behind his back!

Social services have been informed and I have a meeting scheduled with my solicitor to discuss a court order to make sure my DC are never left alone with them again! Both my children say that they want to see their Dad but not the step-children.

So, That's the backstory. My question is should this actually be considered a police matter as the step-son is 18 and an adult? What would he be charged with if so?

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:06

I've explained to the children last night that they won't be going to their Dads house anymore, I explained that it a parents job to keep them safe and if Daddy can't do that then they can't go there.

OP posts:
laloup1 · 19/04/2018 17:06

It sounds awful. Report to police. It is clear to me that this is assault and there is a safeguarding issue. The children are being exposed to an adult (and the 14 year old I know) who is showing clear escalation of behaviour.

Uniquack · 19/04/2018 17:07

Well done OP Smile. Now stick to your guns, as he'll probably try and make life as difficult as possible for you.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 19/04/2018 17:07

I'd be fuming and round there myself if any of them did that to my child! A 14 yr old should know better.
DO NOT let them go again until you have something legal in place to stop them being left alone.
Your ex is a dick why is he leaving his kids when he is meant to be looking after them?
Also I'd ring the mother how proud she must be of an 18 yr old acting like a Moron.

Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:08

He is civil to my face but very arsey via text (coward, classic bully)
During our marriage he was emotionally and financially abusive.

I'm not scared of him, I'm scared of me and how I would react if he tried to minimise the situatuion....I've never felt this angry before in my life!

OP posts:
Andro · 19/04/2018 17:09

I wouldn't be waiting until tomorrow to call the police (I'd have called them Monday night/Tuesday morning), while I understand wanting your dc to not be at home I think reporting takes precedence.

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 19/04/2018 17:11

Fair play to you OP definitely the right call. As for the police, the way I see it if the 18 year old and 14 year old did that to an adult the adult would presumably report it to the police so the same should go for if the victims are children.

You never know, with your children no longer going round there the 2 step kids might get bored and decide to try out their “pranks” on your ex instead. Wonder if he’ll find it as funny then?

Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:11

I've never even met the mother of these children, But how much respect (as a fellow mother) can you have for someone who removes her DC from high school at 13 & 17 (at the time), moves them 40 miles away to shack up with some online dating guy she met 3 months prior? So I don't think ringing her will get me anywhere, She doesn't sound very sensible.

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:13

@Andro I'll try and do it once they are in their bed, I'm not sure if the non-emergency line is available at night-time though?

OP posts:
FeistyColl · 19/04/2018 17:13

Well done OP ! You are doing the right thing by channelling that anger into official action not slanging matches. I really feel for you and your DC Flowers

LittleMyLikesSnuffkin · 19/04/2018 17:14

No I wouldn’t bother ringing her either, her response will only make you angrier (quite rightly) and for now it’s more important to channel the anger into something productive ie protecting your children from these awful people.

FeistyColl · 19/04/2018 17:14

How long has your ex been with his girlfriend?

KT63 · 19/04/2018 17:15

101 is 24 hours AFAIK. Well done OP, it’s been a rough time for all of you. How are you doing?

Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:20

@uniquack Thank you, He's been trying to make my life difficult for a while now (ever since I started seeing my lovely boyfriend funnily enough) but unfortunately for him it hasn't worked despite his best efforts!

Example: He complained to the school that I was neglecting the children, That DS had a medical problem (tight foreskin) that he had noticed on a contact weekend, So rather than texting me to arrange a doctors appointment he held on to this info for 2 weeks then went to the headmistress about it!! (took DS to the docs about it and nothing wrong with him, nor had he complained of being sore)
He also said that the DC are always dirty, Their teeth are a mess (not a filling or cavity between them btw), They live on takeaways and various other spurious claims which the school have disproven.

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:21

@Feisty 16 months, moved in together 3 months after meeting!

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Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:23

@KT63 It has been but the DC have been great, My boyfriend is a star and my friends are fab! I'm pretty much existing on coffee and cigarettes but I'm managing, Thank you for asking!
Going to go out and do something fun this weekend :)

OP posts:
Yarnswift · 19/04/2018 17:26

Definitely report the taping to the police and make sure to remind them that being left in that position with a mouth taped could have had very serious consequences indeed.

Gemini69 · 19/04/2018 17:26

Jesus.. I loathe both those films OP... they scare me and I'm an adult ffs ..

I hope your Son is okay.. watch his sleep pattern etc just to make sure he's resting.. and not suffering nightmares.. Flowers

Bekabeech · 19/04/2018 17:27

Is the contact court ordered? If not there is nothing to stop you from stopping contact immediately.

If court ordered you might want advice.
However I would make sure he gets something in writing explaining your concerns over the event last weekend (no need to mention the video stuff - as that is less serious), and that is why they will not be going to his until the situation is solved.

Contact is supposed to be for the child - so wouldn't be a good idea when bullying is occuring.
If SS don't contact you and you want advice - try NSPCC.
SS are often creaking at the knees.

Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:30

@Gemini69 I only looked at the IMDB page for Krampus and I was scared!
I've been checking on him in the night (I'm awake anyway) and he's been fine!
Another thing that has come to light is that those imbeciles make him wear pull-up pants as he sometimes wets the bed there...I wonder fucking why!! Lots of things are beginning to make sense now!

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 19/04/2018 17:32

The video incident is annoying. But | agree the duct tape is an extremely worrying matter and the police should be informed and all contact with your ex should be stopped for the foreseeable future.

Original poster
movinonup · 19/04/2018 17:34

No court order @Bekabeech, I have a telephone appointment with my solicitor and she will send a letter to his solicitor that day (his solicitor must rue the day she took him on as a client)
The video stuff has already been mentioned (and clearly ignored)

OP posts:
WorriedWanda · 19/04/2018 17:36

That's assault at best, child abuse at worst. I'd be on the phone to be police in a flash. Nobody would be given the chance to do that to my kids ever again.

And the outcome? Well really that isn't your problem OP. Protecting your children is and let nothing come in the way of that. Your XH clearly isn't going to do it, so who else is there?

In the meantime, if there is a single mark on your DC, of any kind that you can't explain, photograph it immediately. And don't let them go there again until this is sorted out.

Good luck OP

FeistyColl · 19/04/2018 17:40

Your poor DS. I am not surprised you are not sleeping.
Ex sounds like a dick.

Good luck!

BewareOfDragons · 19/04/2018 17:48

The 18 year old should be reported to the police. THat is abusive behaviour.

I would let your solicitor explain why the children won't be coming back unsupervised.

Involve social services.