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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this should be a police matter?

215 replies

movinonup · 19/04/2018 14:26

Have had many issues with my XH stepson (18) and his inappropriate behaviour towards my DC. (DS is 6, DD is 8)
Including letting them watch Krampus (15 cert movie in which a creature terrorises kids on Christmas Eve if they are on the naughty list) and then telling DS that he was on the naughty list.
Asking them if they like clowns, when they replied that they did he said 'You won't after this) then showed them the trailer for IT.

There have been other issues but these were the worst two.

My solicitor had addressed these issues in a letter and asked that the step-son was no longer left with the DC unsupervised.

My DC were left alone with both his step children (18 & 14) at the weekend and my 6 year old boy was chased, restrained and had duck tape put across his mouth and his arms taped together behind his back!

Social services have been informed and I have a meeting scheduled with my solicitor to discuss a court order to make sure my DC are never left alone with them again! Both my children say that they want to see their Dad but not the step-children.

So, That's the backstory. My question is should this actually be considered a police matter as the step-son is 18 and an adult? What would he be charged with if so?

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 15:37

@Ginger I totally get what you're saying, But the police station here is unmanned (rural) and DS would freak out going into a police station anyway as he is scared of police (I don't know where this has come from and it's something I am working on with him) I asked that whoever comes to interview him not be in uniform.

With regard to coaching him I am very careful to let him do the talking and in no way put words into his mouth but understand that his solicitor might try and spin it that way!
Thankfully I have the recording of him telling me so hopefully that would go someway to proving that this is his story and no-one has been coaching him. Do you think it would help?

OP posts:
Ginger1982 · 20/04/2018 15:49

Given your ex has admitted that it actually happened I can't see the recording hurting. There's a thinking here in Scotland to moving more towards allowing video statements rather than witnesses giving evidence in person (don't know much more as been on mat leave for what seems like forever though obviously defence lawyers don't like this but that's by the by). I hate cross examining children anyway.

Ginorchoc · 20/04/2018 15:52

Goodness that’s concerning behaviour from 14 and 18 year olds!

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 15:55

I'm in Scotland too @Ginger and have heard of a case recently where the child involved had their testimony videoed and shown in court rather than be there in person.

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 20/04/2018 16:09

You are being a strong and brilliant advocate for your kids op. So angry in your behalf.

Keep pushing for action to be taken against the 18 year old and 14 year old. Their behaviour is progressing in a worrying direction and needs to be monitored. Venables and Thompson started off on horror films and progressed from there. Physically restraining a child is the first step to exercise power over another. Next time they might get more ideas once they felt emboldened. Keep pushing for police action and don't give up. You are potentially protecting other children as well.

Give your little man a hug from all of us. Flowers

SweetMoon · 20/04/2018 16:24

This is truly shocking, I hope your ds is going to be OK op. And I really hope nothing has happened to your DD that she hasn't told you. What happened there was assault and those 2 stepchildren are nasty pieces of work. The video thing just shows you that they get pleasure out of scaring small children as there is no other reason why they would make little ones watch that scary stuff otherwise. Its sickening and obviously they have now moved onto physical abuse.

I hope the police take it seriously and don't just try to brush you off. Keep on at ss too. And 18 year old doing that is way more than just kids being silly, your ExH is a total knob to even say that. I am so angry on your behalf.

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 16:42

Thank you @sweetmoon
I have just spoken to the children and asked if there was any way that they could have been mistaken about their 'Dad' and his partner being at the shops and they say no, They absolutely both went to the shop and that they arrived back at the house 'just as they were finishing his hands' so he is fucking lying to the headteacher!

OP posts:
Skinnyboneylittlepony · 20/04/2018 17:03

This bears repeating.

Being restrained on the ground on one’s front with hands tied can lead to death.

Vomiting with the mouth taped can lead to death.

Skinnyboneylittlepony · 20/04/2018 17:08

I think in his dim mind xh thinks he will be in trouble for leaving them alone.

He has normalised the torture. This makes me concerned about what else may have been done in the last 12 months. Children don’t know what’s normal and not and may not have thought to say.

I can imagine the news report about the 18 year old in 20 years. ‘There were incidents where Bob tortured children and small animals. This escalated and in 2048 bodies of prostitutes were found chained up in a cellar of a property he owned.

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 17:24

@Skinnyboneylittlepony Yup, I can see it too! On one hand (once or twice) I'm thinking what has happened to this person to make him behave that way.......and on the other I'm thinking fuck him, he hurt my little boy!

OP posts:
Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 17:53

I phoned the social worker earlier and she hadn't had any update from the headmistress.
She is on annual leave next week so it will be passed on to someone else to get back to me once they have been updated by headteacher.

OP posts:
Walkaboutwendy · 20/04/2018 18:26

Are the police taking it seriously OP?

I can't see why it's being left to a head teacher to sort Confused

WellThisIsShit · 20/04/2018 19:08

I’m really really uncomfortable with social services cop out.

Leaving it to a head teacher who has no specialist training and who just is not in the right profession to deal with this, or in the right relationship to your child to deal with this...

No, I’m worried about this to be honest. I don’t know the system in Scotland, but I think you need expert advice pronto.

This feels like a cock up waiting to happen...

Gemini69 · 20/04/2018 19:16

I'm in Scotland.. you need to make the Police take you seriously and the Social Services take your concerns seriously...

next week is too long a time to deal with this.. someone should have been round to speak to your DS today.. and in a safe and comfortable environment...

pick up your phone Mum and sort these people out.. I live in very rural place in Scotland.. the Police still have to respond... Social Services still have to respond... an allegation of Child abuse isn't something these agencies can put off til next week Hmm

find your inner Tiger Mum x

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 20:25

Thanks guys, I have made another call to 101 and hopefully should hear back tonight.
I'm going to chase up social services also, Rather than waiting for them to get back to me.

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GirlsBlouse17 · 20/04/2018 20:40

How disturbing! If you are having a meeting with social services, may be they can advise on whether it's a good idea to involve the police. I don't think your children should stay there again. Doesn't sound safe

Willow2017 · 20/04/2018 21:42

I have never heard of something like this being passed on to a HT to deal with (in Scotland) Once something has been flagged to ss then they take over, its nothing to do with any other party after they have had statements unless they are directly involved with the whole family. As this happened outside school and HT has no direct contact with the perpurtrator then whats it got to do with them?

I second hassling them all until this is dealt with. How can it be ok to leave this for a week until they can get round to it? I live in a rural area too but police dont take a week to respond to a complaint.

So sorry to hear what this bastard did to your son. You are doing the right thing not sending your kids back to their excuse of a father. WTF is wrong with him? Stay strong.

Dobby1sAFreeElf · 20/04/2018 22:00

Do you think there's a possibility that as your xh had made a number of vexatious claims about you, ss are assuming that you are making up one about him? If so, it's no excuse and quite worrying in itself.

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 22:31

@Dobby I hope not! His spurious concerns were debunked pretty damn quickly by the HT and I wasn't at all concerned by them, Found it quite pathetic to be honest!
I know there are people who use SS involvement as a weapon against each other, If I was such a person I'd have been in touch with them months ago so hopefully SS would take that into consideration.

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WeirdyMcBeardy · 20/04/2018 22:32

I was abused when I was young, I would wet the bed in that environment but not when I stayed with a relative elsewhere, only the place I was being abused. Bed wetting can be a sign so the fact your DS wets the bed there is a red flag that something is really bothering him Sad.

I'd have hit the roof tbh, and immediately phoned the police. The criminal age of responsibility is 10 so I don't know why you were hesitant because you didn't know that he was 18.

Keep on to SS, I work with people who deal the SS a lot. They aren't the best people and their threshold for taking cases is far too high. Don't let them fob you off and if the one who is dealing with it is on holiday, ask for the duty social worker instead. I don't see what on earth this has to do with the HT!

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 22:43

I'd have hit the roof tbh, and immediately phoned the police. The criminal age of responsibility is 10 so I don't know why you were hesitant because you didn't know that he was 18.

@WeirdyMcBeardy I very fucking obviously thought you had to be over 18 for it to be be police involvement rather than social services!! I reported to social services as soon as I could so no hesitance here! How dare you!

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ferntwist · 20/04/2018 22:54

You’re handling it all brilliantly OP. Any idea if the police are going to speak to them both?

haba · 20/04/2018 23:14

movinonup may I ask how long your DS has been scared of the police? I am wondering if the SS has out the fear into him to prevent him telling anyone what is happening?
I wonder if he's done other, less extreme, things in the past which have escalated.
I do hope your children are ok, it must have been terrifying for them.

Original poster
movinonup · 20/04/2018 23:14

I really don't know for certain but surely they'll have to after speaking to DS.

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categed · 20/04/2018 23:16

I assume the headaches is involved as the named person for your children therefore responsible for bringing the various, including police, agencies together. I would be very concerned that after an allegation of assault on a child the various agencies are not coming together but on fact seem to be delaying doing anything. Several local authorities in Scotland have recently been flagged for not taking cases seriously where ultimately the child has died.
You have been great so far but now is the time to state categorically that the police and social work do something Now, not next week. Remind them of cases such as Micaeel kular and that we all have a duty of care. I would also put a complaint into your local authority regarding social work and school. Huge hugs to you xx

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