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She's stolen my wedding...

(340 Posts)
daftpink Sat 27-Jan-18 18:07:16

I feel really angry with my BF right now and can't decide if I'm being unreasonable or not...

I am getting married in June - we're having a 'wedding weekend' and have hired a lovely large house & guest cottages with an indoor swimming pool, games room etc from the Friday to Monday for our 25 guests.

We have organised a meal on the Friday night, a BBQ Party for the Saturday after the registry office and then a chilled out pool party on the Sunday.

My BF also has her wedding planned for September - a more formal church affair with sit down dinner etc.

Only now, BF has announced that the wedding plans have changed as she is 8 weeks pregnant....and that she has just booked the same house and is planning to invite close family and friends to join them for a relaxing weekend away to celebrate their wedding - 5 weeks before my wedding!

Our friendship group is the same, so other than family, we will have the same guests.

Basically, now her wedding will be almost the same as mine, but as hers is first, I'm the one that will look like I copied her!

Aibu to be absolutely livid that she's done this to me?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Sat 27-Jan-18 18:20:00

Bit rude and dim of her to copy your plans; but what the hell is a Wedding Weekend?
I wouldn't go to one, let alone two.

MrsSunflower Sat 27-Jan-18 18:20:27

YANBU! I’d be pretty peeved with that others have said, hopefully you’ve got your invitations out ahead of her anyway so guests will know that was your plan regardless.

JustVent Sat 27-Jan-18 18:20:53

Oof that would seriously piss me off.

JustVent Sat 27-Jan-18 18:21:25

Have you said anything to her? Will you?

Quick get pregnant and steal her baby name.

Nanny0gg Sat 27-Jan-18 18:22:08

What have you said to her?

petbear Sat 27-Jan-18 18:22:27


Not sure what you can do about it though.

Enidblyton1 Sat 27-Jan-18 18:22:47

Wow, your friend is awful!
But as pp have said, everyone will know that she is copying you - so you don't have anything to worry about on that front. And any teething problems with the venue will be sorted out before your wedding. She can be the butt of jokes about how she is the trial run wink
At least the family will be different at each wedding - so it won't be exactly the same guests. How many of your 25 will actually be at her wedding?

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar Sat 27-Jan-18 18:22:49

People aren't going to remember which invitation arrived first when they're actually at the receptions, they'll just know that hers came first and yours is a "God, this again?".

TinklyLittleLaugh Sat 27-Jan-18 18:23:46

I think you would be justified in saying something and also bitching about her to mutual friends and getting them onside. Its a very mean and calculated stroke to pull.

Gazelda Sat 27-Jan-18 18:23:56

I think you have to tell her how disappointed you are. It'll give her and her DF time to have another think and to realise how thoughtless they've been.

Sugarpiehoneyeye Sat 27-Jan-18 18:24:14

That's a low blow, what sort of best friend would even consider doing that. If it was after yours fine. Wow, don't bite your tongue OP, let her know how you feel. Is yours all paid for ?

Myddognearlyatethedeliveryman Sat 27-Jan-18 18:25:31

But gives you the chance to tweak anything that's not quite spot on!!

HolyShet Sat 27-Jan-18 18:25:33

looking like you copied her isn't a problem esp if you get your invitations out first

I can see why you'd be peeved if you wanted to something really special for your guests. BUT the guests will be different, surely apart from a couple of good mates, different food, different decoration, different tunes, different couple getting married. If it's lovely people will be happy to go back.

I would just ask her why she possibly thought that was ok though?

OOOOOOOOOOO Sat 27-Jan-18 18:25:34

If you only have 25 guests then presumably after family there can't be that many guests in common? And surely if you both only have 'close' friends attending then they will know she has cancelled her 'more formal church wedding with sit down dinner etc' she was due to have in September so there is zero chance anyone will think you are copying her?

I'm suprised she was able to contact her formal affair and that the rental house was available.

seven201 Sat 27-Jan-18 18:26:23

Blimey. I would be so pissed off. Did you tell her you are upset?

c3pu Sat 27-Jan-18 18:26:44

Bring your own wedding forward? Or change the venue.

KateGrey Sat 27-Jan-18 18:26:51

I’d be really cross and upset. Yes some weddings are similar but this is a direct copy. It’s like she’s had some imagination breakdown and just used your idea. Very selfish.

StealthNinjaMum Sat 27-Jan-18 18:27:19

I'm pretty laid back about weddings and think some women get too precious about their weddings but in this case I completely get how you feel. How awful. I agree with pps, let her know how you feel. Maybe she's desperate to get married in a quick timescale but if that's the case she should've asked you first if you were ok with it.

NotSureThisIsWhatIWant Sat 27-Jan-18 18:27:21


Have you invited all your friends and have they accepted the invites? If so, I would not worry too much, they will be thinking that she is a cow as much as you do.

If you haven’t... start working on plan B ASAP!

TatianaLarina Sat 27-Jan-18 18:27:50

That is really shit.

PaperdollCartoon Sat 27-Jan-18 18:28:03

Very upsetting. You need to tell her that you don’t want to fall out but this is really unfair and rude of her. Is there nowhere else in the country that could have their wedding?!

stopbeingadramallama Sat 27-Jan-18 18:28:11

I'd be annoyed. Tell her how you feel if you haven't already.

Mummyoflittledragon Sat 27-Jan-18 18:28:16

I think you need to tell her how you feel. This really is disrespectful. As others have said, emulation after the event is one thing. But this is something else!

Sally52014 Sat 27-Jan-18 18:28:30

Oh OP, I don’t blame you one bit for being annoyed. That’s infuriating. I’d be ticked off too. If I was in your position I would slap a smile on my face and wouldn’t let her know it was bothering me. I would then ensure that every aspect of my own wedding weekend was better than hers! I am well aware that that makes me seem really petty, but after spending so much time and money and effort planning a wedding last year, it would make me really mad to see someone just swoop in and basically steal my efforts. Your friends will know that she took your venue and wedding sweetly and say nothing to anyone!

OOOOOOOOOOO Sat 27-Jan-18 18:29:15

The OP will have sent out her invites ages ago presumably.

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