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Husband celebrating his birthday without us

(242 Posts)
Rubyrose80 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:34:39

My husband is planning a trip to Vegas for his 40th birthday with just the lads meaning he will be over there for his birthday. I feel a bit put out to be honest not that I don't trust him I do but we have 3 small children and he made it clear no wives/girlfriends were invited which makes me feel that his friends take a higher priority on his list of people he'd celebrate his birthday with and not his family. AIBU to be a bit taken aback? I have been a part of his life for 15 years and whilst we take trips together and with friends on our own I'd never dream of not celebrating a milestone birthday with him.

Partypopper123 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:35:47

Yanbu - that's pretty shitty

GreatDuckCookery6211 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:36:37

Is he having a party for his family and friends or just the holiday?

Is he generally selfish?

StripeyDeckchair Fri 26-Jan-18 18:37:04

If my husband said that I'd laugh at him and ask what he'd really like to do.

For me it'd be about him using his leave & our money without us

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 26-Jan-18 18:37:52

Blimey I’d be describing him as my stbxh if his priority list was like that.

outofmydepth45 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:38:13

Well he's told you where you fit in the priority list there. Assuming there was no discussion, do you want to go to Vegas ?

mumpoints Fri 26-Jan-18 18:38:23

Is he having a mid life crisis?

EllaHen Fri 26-Jan-18 18:38:25

He just unilaterally decided? No discussion over whether you can afford it, can look after the kids, would like to go yourself?


What a selfish cunt.

KarmaStar Fri 26-Jan-18 18:38:33

Wow!right,start planning an amazing celebration for your birthday OP!!
No you're nbu.

Lloyd45 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:39:00

Wow how selfish is that, does he think he's single? How much will it cost, can you still afford a family holiday?

TheQueenOfWands Fri 26-Jan-18 18:39:04

His birthday, his choice. Wouldn't bother me.

Vegas sounds loud and tedious and it's not like you could really take children.

Do something together when he gets back.

BaldricksTrousers Fri 26-Jan-18 18:39:37

This may be unpopular but it's his birthday and he can spend it how he likes.

I've taken trips (just to London etc mind) by myself or with friends for my birthday. I enjoy travelling alone/with friends just as much as with my family.

I would be more put out if my partner expected me to organise a massive do for all his friends and family for his birthday. If he wants this trip to be his present in lieu of a party then why not?

lalalalyra Fri 26-Jan-18 18:41:22

Is that easily affordable for you? If it is then I wouldn't be fussed. If it means cutting back, scrimping and saving or no family holiday I'd be really pissed off.

BaldricksTrousers Fri 26-Jan-18 18:41:39

Also I assume cost isn't an issue as you haven't mentioned it. If he was going to Vegas alone for your 40th birthday then you'd have a point. But if that's what he wants to do for his milestone birthday, so be it

Rubyrose80 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:42:15

I get that it's his birthday his choice but that says it all really that he feels his friends are the ones he'd rather see on his birthday than his wife and children.

AtrociousCircumstance Fri 26-Jan-18 18:43:14

Ugh. A group of men in Vegas without their partners? I’d assume the plan was gambling and using prostituted women.

thepatchworkcat Fri 26-Jan-18 18:43:41

See I wouldn’t mind. What’s the issue? I often go away for weekends with my old uni housemates and we don’t take our spouses and children. I can well imagine us going away for our fortieths when they happen in a couple of years.

BartholinsSister Fri 26-Jan-18 18:44:48

Should he spend his birthday doing something he doesn't want to do?

ThroughThickAndThin01 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:45:35


This would be a huge problem for me. It's not normal. Maybe go away with the lads as part of the 40th celebration at some stage. Over his actual birthday, no way.

MysweetAudrina Fri 26-Jan-18 18:45:44

I went to Vegas with 10 work friends last year. I am married and we have 5 children. I went for 4 nights. It was a bit of a midlife crisis thing but I am glad I did it and got it out of my system. It wasn't that expensive either. I saved for it for a year and we still had our normal family holiday etc.. Dh was ok mostly about it but did have a few anxious moments in case I met a rich Texan and left him. Celebrate his birthday with him when he gets back.

Rubyrose80 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:46:36

I really do get his birthday his choice but I really feel me and the kids are so low down on his priorities at times and this just proves it to me by him wanting to be miles away from us on his birthday

BaldricksTrousers Fri 26-Jan-18 18:47:30

I’d assume the plan was gambling and using prostituted women.

Wow, what a leap! You must be tired.

I've been to Vegas and whilst you can have a nice Vegas family holiday, I would probably go back with adults only. And I barely gamble and definitely don't use prostitutes.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Fri 26-Jan-18 18:48:05

I think it’s deeper than that though isn’t it? It’s about the hurt caused by the fact he hasn’t chosen, by his own free will, to spend his birthday with his wife.

user1474652148 Fri 26-Jan-18 18:48:07

It would be a deal breaker for me - I could not come after my dh friends. No way.
It might be his birthday but surely he loves you and wants you with him?

Does he have a problem with gambling?

It is a huge red flag for your marriage

Aeroflotgirl Fri 26-Jan-18 18:48:31

Yanbu, that is crap, it's a milestone birthday, and he would rather spend it with his friends in Vagus. Is this something that is going to make a big dent in your finances. That is the issue. Have you talked to him about how you feel. I would plan something similar for yiur birthday.

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