Husband celebrating his birthday without us

[Rubyrose80]

My husband is planning a trip to Vegas for his 40th birthday with just the lads meaning he will be over there for his birthday. I feel a bit put out to be honest not that I don't trust him I do but we have 3 small children and he made it clear no wives/girlfriends were invited which makes me feel that his friends take a higher priority on his list of people he'd celebrate his birthday with and not his family. AIBU to be a bit taken aback? I have been a part of his life for 15 years and whilst we take trips together and with friends on our own I'd never dream of not celebrating a milestone birthday with him.

Can he give you the same amount of money he's spending on Vegas?

Would he be ok if you decide to go away with your friends leaving the DC with him ?

It would depend. If he felt it was OK for him to have a holiday with his friends but felt it 'wasn't right' for me to do it or if this trip meant that we couldn't have a family holiday or we'd have to 'downgrade' it, then I'd be pissed. If it didn't impact that, I'd probably just shrug and say 'whatever floats your boat'.

My DH has spent his birthday with his mates, backpacking. I'd rather chew glass so just waved him on his way and we celebrated it before he left, so a week early. He'd feel the same way if I decided to spend my birthday with friends at Disney.

When it comes down to it, it's just a day. We can celebrate a birthday any time, really.

It's the fact he's just told you. And all his mates are free to just bugger off there as well. Most people struggle at that age to have enough time off with their families and have to use annual leave to have family breaks. There's the expense, too - is it something you can easily afford?

In the end, though, I agree that you and the children are far down his list of priorities.

But it's his birthday !!! My husband went to Madrid for his 40th for a week end with childhood friends, no big deal !

It would be fine by me. I want my dh to have fun and tbh a holiday with the lads and no small kids sounds a lot of fun.
So long as I got an equal opportunity at my birthday it wouldn't bother me at all.

Test him a bit.
Are you friendly with any of his friends' girlfriends or wives.

Id say "me and *sarah are gonna come!"

See if he panics

Is it because the actual day of his birthday he isn't going to be with you and the children? That wouldn't bother me in the slightest - providing that there's plans to do something before / after he goes.

Vegas was my plan for my 30th birthday, as if happens I'm pregnant and there's a good chance I will be in labour that day!

The trip isn't a problem. The destination isnt really the issue. Its the timing of it. The message is loud and clear - if he would rather spend his actual birthday with his friends than his wife and children well that shows what he thinks of the relationship and that's shit.

I'm female. I'm planning a trip to Vegas with my close friends for our 40ths. I'm not selfish or planning to cheat on my husband. My husband is more than supportive of the trip and he'll do something with his friends for his 40th too.

The only difference is I wouldn't go away on my actual birthday, I'd prefer to be home for that.

I'd love to go to Vegas with my husband but we wouldn't both leave the kids.

I honestly don't see the problem! You should do the same for your birthday!

Added; I defo tell him I'm going to plan a 'girl's weekend' or such for soon after he gets back to 'test the waters' as far as his attitude towards equal treatment goes.

I usually have a right stick up my arse, but in this situation I honestly wouldn't mind. Which surprises me, but I just wouldn't.

I think the difference is probably that I'm saying this in context of a very happy marriage and I know dh values me and the dc very much. It sounds as though you don't feel that way and so no wonder this is just another slap in the face

No it doesn't mean you're last on the list of priorities, he just wants to go and have fun!
My partner is going away for the weekend for his birthday and leaving me and baby. I don't mind but I would do the same

A one off within a marriage with respect and equality is one thing, but the OP clearly doesnt have that. The very fact that he announced it rather than brought it up as a possibility to be discussed proves that.

She says she has long suspected that her and the kids are the last on a long list, so I have to say I would be considering my future without him if this were me.

There is a world of difference between a one off treat (I am going away with my sister later this year sans kids or husband, but it was discussed and compromised on and agreed) and dyed in the wool entitled selfishness.

My husband and 3 of his friends are going to Vegas for his 40th and I really don’t see why it’s such an issue?

He’s always wanted to go so why would I stop him or mind? It’s nothing personal he has just always wanted to experience the Casinos in Vegas and I’m pretty sure he’d have more fun there with his mates than he would with me and the children

If he discussed it with you and said he’d like to go to Vegas with his mates then that’s fine.

However, if there was no discussion and he simply told you he was going then I can see why you’d be upset.

It’s just his birthday, nothing major. I really can’t see why it’s such a big issue that he must celebrate it with you and the children?

You’re over thinking this and taking it way too personally.

I’m assuming he’s spent the last 15 birthdays with you and will hopefully spend future decades of birthdays with you too so just let him go on his trip and enjoy his 40th in the way he wants to.

If you genuinely wouldn't mind him doing the trip at any other time of the year then I think you're being silly to get so worked up about the fact that he's away on one particular date.

He's not saying he doesn't want to celebrate with you and his children, or that you are low priority in his life. I don't see that at all. It really won't make any difference to you or the dc if he celebrates with you the weekend before or after, but it could make a once in a lifetime trip be that little bit more fun if he's there for the actual day. I think you're overthinking this, and I'm amazed at how many other posters have gone all 'LTB' after something so trivial.

I'm pretty relaxed about this kind of thing usually, but I would be pissed off at this, OP. YANBU.

The trip itself is no problem, it's the timing and being away with his mates on a landmark Birthday while his family aren't there to share it.

I think the issue would be more how it was presented to you- had he planned it with his friends and just told you or was he asking if you'd mind? Is it easily affordable? Would it be ok if you did the same and left him looking after the children? If yes I wouldn't be pissed off, it's his birthday. If the answer would be no I'd tell him to jog on with that idea.

Can’t imagine why anyone would want to go to Vegas.

I wouldn't have a problem with it so long as he asked if it was ok first, rather than just telling me

And also if money and holiday time was t an issue

I would also botch it up as credit for me to have the equivalent of with my mates!!

Unless there are other issues (which it sounds like there might be), I don't think you should take it personally

I think parent's birthdays are a big deal for kids.

Kids love their own birthdays and ( rightly or wrongly) assume that adults want to be and deserve to be treated on their birthday too.

So as parents we have a responsibility to share our " excitement" with our children, opening hand made cards, smiling at wonk home made presents.

OP your OH isn't thinking of his kids at all.

Oh also, I'm planning to go to Ibiza with my girlfriends for my 40th! I don't think it should be an issue

What nails need doing said

'Can’t imagine why anyone would want to go to Vegas.'
I can
'Escorts'?

I don’t think it would bother me to be honest as long as we did something birthday like before / after. The kids (unless old enough to know the date) prob won’t notice. I wouldn’t take it as a slight. Everyone needs a weekend away from the kids from time to time and this happens to be a big one but it doesn’t mean he loves you all less!