Husband celebrating his birthday without us

[Rubyrose80]

My husband is planning a trip to Vegas for his 40th birthday with just the lads meaning he will be over there for his birthday. I feel a bit put out to be honest not that I don't trust him I do but we have 3 small children and he made it clear no wives/girlfriends were invited which makes me feel that his friends take a higher priority on his list of people he'd celebrate his birthday with and not his family. AIBU to be a bit taken aback? I have been a part of his life for 15 years and whilst we take trips together and with friends on our own I'd never dream of not celebrating a milestone birthday with him.

How have you managed to make HIS birthday about YOU?

Gosh I haven’t read the full thread but how sad for you. It’s my 40th today (I’m lying next to the over-hyped 5 year old trying to help him sleep hence mumsnetting) and I would never want to spend this day without my family. I wouldn’t say no to a girls’ weekend away but my actual birthday I’ve spent with my husband, kids and parents because I love them and enjoy their company. Then more celebrations - a few nights away with DH and a big party with all my friends.

I do get it is his birthday, his choice. But his choice to spend his actual milestone birthday away from his family is incredibly hurtful and would make me question how much I was valued.

But in a way, it’s too late now.....it doesn’t matter if he goes or not. You’lol always know that was his primary birthday wish. Rubbish for you. I’m sorry.

Well.... family dinner somewhere child friendly, or week trip to Vegas for party, gambling, nice restaurants - I know what says ‘fun’ to me!

But why not both Flufffy, family dinner on your birthday and trip away for your birthday before/after. I do think there is a distinction between going away with your friends for you birthday versus choosing the actual day and entire celebration away from your family.

Not quite the same but I celebrated my 40th birthday with work volleagues in the pub while my husband looked after the kids. I celebrated with my family the next day (Saturday) and that’s when the kids thought my birthday was. Breakfast in bed made by a 5 year old was ace and we had a day out. If you can’t afford it don’t let him go. I’m going way with the girls in May to really celebrate but that suits me as it’s half term and I’m a teacher. Had my birthday been in half term I may have left my family on the actual day. I’m an adult and can celebrate any time, my kids enjoy a party. I also had a party 2 months after the event that my kids didn’t come to.

It's his birthday! Why can't he choose what he wants? A fab holiday with his friends. It's a non-issue surely? Do you 'allow' him to do his own thing? Do you get to do things with your friends?

Not everyone likes to have events at which they are the centre of attention, it's my 70th next month and I've said that I don't want any fuss. Personally, I would love to go to New York or Florence or Venice on my own. You're married, not tied at the hip, it sounds like you want him to 'celebrate' your way or the highway. Maybe he doesn't look forward to being 40?

It's his birthday! Why can't he choose what he wants?

Of course he can choose.

But his choices display his priorities.

Give and take tends to work. I spend a fair bit of time away from home with friends and I spend a fair bit of time ar home while he's away with his. A bit of time off from one another makes us appreciate each other. It would never occur to either of us to suspect that anything untoward happens.

I honestly can't see that spending a birthday away makes a spouse low priority.

Nah, can't say it would bother me. I'd be happy for my OH to have the opportunity to visit another part of the world and the children would be told that Daddy's birthday was on the day after he got back. A lie, yes, but a white one and told purely to give the DC a chance to make a card/cake and get excited. Can't see the harm in that.

It wouldnt bother me tbh. I want to do a trip abroad for a milestone birthday in a couple of years with my sisters and friends. It doesn't mean they are more important than my DH and DC.

I will have a birthday celebration I'm the UK as well.

There's nothing wrong with the a trip to Vegas for a big birthday if that's what he wants. What is a HUGE problem is that it needs to be discussed regarding timing, finances, childcare and holiday leave entitlement between the two of you before anything at all is booked.
And if he can't understand that when you have a wife and kids their point of view needs to be taken into consideration, then he is a selfish jerk.

We were invited to my close childhood friend's wedding on my husband's first birthday after our own wedding. He couldn't get time off work to go, but he knew how much it meant to me so I went alone - but I felt bad about leaving him ..... marriage is about give and take; OP's husband sounds as if he expects her to give and he will only take. Not good.

@Bythebeach I’m not that bothered about the actual ‘day’ to be honest - so a card and cake before I went to Vegas would be nice I guess but I don’t see the need to do something with Family (or friends) on your actual birthday. It’s just an excuse for a fun holiday.

I do agree it’s a bit of an imposition expecting you to look after the children on your own all week, and I hope you have enough money and time to get an equal break.

I bet all his mates will be having conversations with their partners about the cost/time off work/kids etc. Has he just decided to do this or have they been planning it for months?

If it was a mate of ex (and if we were together) there would be no wY on earth we could justify spending that amount of money for a mates birthday and guessing his mates are all of a supimilar age there will be lots of similar birthday celebrations. Sounds very expensive.

You have every right to be po’d.

Oh ffs! How is is selfish to celebrate your birthday how you want to? Surely it's more selfish to demand or expect someone to celebrate their birthday how you want them to?
Also, you can get escorts in any city in the UK. There is prostitution all over the shop! Every city. There are also drugs and casinos.

There is loads to see and do in Vegas. I've been plenty, with just the girls, with DH and with family. Somehow I've managed to resist the prostitutes, gambling and drugs... also managed to not cheat!

All those who are seeing 'red flags' are looking for them.

Op, you either have other issues in your marriage or you're making mountains out of molehills.

My DH once (before DC) made plans to go out with a friend on his birthday. I wasn't happy about it. I made plans to spend my birthday with my friend. Funnily enough he has never spent a birthday without me since 😂

Slightly beside the point but what is the big deal with Las Vegas anyway ? And a fortieth birthday is just a birthday with a number attached. I don't understand the apparent significance of places and numbers sometimes.

Vegas is really popular for Americans to spend the weekend there. I have work colleagues go for their stag/hen do’s. DH has been there for 1/2 nights (for work) and is the proud recipient of a signed photo from David Copperfield (after being picked as the audience volunteer) at one of his shows.😀

Vegas is a long haul flight away - he’ll need at least a week there and it’s not a cheap sub £100 budget flight! I’ll be pissed off if it meant a week’s annual leave plus the expense - doubt there’s change from £1k+ especially if it impacts the family finances and holiday plans for the year detrimentally. More importantly, you’re clearly not happy about it so he’s dismissing your feelings completely.

If it hasn’t been booked, ime, there’ll be one or two in the group who will drop out because they can’t afford it/get the time off work.

What AnyFucker has said....YADNBU

For me it'd be about him using his leave & our money without us

God forbid the bloke has his own fucking money.

tbh I would be upset.

Hmmm why are all these blokes so keen to not bring partners?

It's a boys holiday of course. Being married doesn't mean being joined at the hip.

unless he said hey babe give me this and you and me will have our own celebration

Wouldnt bother me in the least.
He is choosing his friends over family FOR A HOLIDAY .

Perfectly reasonable . That’s why it’s called a holiday