Husband celebrating his birthday without us

[Rubyrose80]

My husband is planning a trip to Vegas for his 40th birthday with just the lads meaning he will be over there for his birthday. I feel a bit put out to be honest not that I don't trust him I do but we have 3 small children and he made it clear no wives/girlfriends were invited which makes me feel that his friends take a higher priority on his list of people he'd celebrate his birthday with and not his family. AIBU to be a bit taken aback? I have been a part of his life for 15 years and whilst we take trips together and with friends on our own I'd never dream of not celebrating a milestone birthday with him.

tinkerbec that was my experience, I'm afraid... I was determined to love it and got the 'buzz' to start with but after about half a day it was wearing! The casinos are fun to see and to wander around/sit in but unless you want to gamble quite a lot then you run out of things to do (I even came out having won a few dollars...)

I lived in California and could get amazing views, pools, restaurants etc there. The recommended restaurants were just really touristy. I am always a bit baffled when people like it (up to them of course) but I know loads of people who love it and quite a few who got married there. I did see people getting married in the shopping centres which was just a bit
Of course it's the nearest major airport to the Grand Canyon so was worth going for that.

I would be really upset if my DH announced he WANTED a holiday in Vegas, birthday or not.

I'm American. The type of man who wants to go to Vegas alone with his friends is up to no good (and not very cultured). It is a tacky place for drinking, gambling, and prostitutes: there is literally nothing else there, and a man who goes there with his male friends is going for drinking, gambling, and the prostitutes who will swarm him in the casinos and hotels. Gross.

In fact, I had two male friends (who didn't know each other) who each went to Vegas for guy trips and came back to recount their tales with a prostitute.

Honestly, I think you should let him go, he sees you and his kids everyday, I assume he sees his friends a lot less and wants to spend time with them, doing something special. Alot of people in this thread are assuming to much about him and seem quite controlling.

I genuinely don't see the problem with this. It sounds like a fun, once in a lifetime type trip with this friends. You can go out for a family meal when he's back.

@NWQM

Is DH expecting a cash gift from you as well? That's unfair I your redundancy payment is currently keeping the family afloat.

i hope you're not going to pay for the holiday (if it happens) because he will have blown birthday money on other things.

A grown man expecting £1000 gift is ridiculous.

Nope. Wouldn’t be having it. Nuh uh.

@babyccinoo no not a £1,000 gift - sorry if misleading but his original ideas for celebration etc and presents would have added up to around that. That's of course when I'd added it up as he just comes up with stuff and I'm left to be the bad guy being the practical one. Some of the present would have been from other people that add to that (so could have potentially been higher I suppose in all) but the thing that's upsetting is that it's supposed to be towards our trip of a lifetime. Even if he had changed his mind about the trip or about feeling comfortable asking people for cash it's me finding out by stealth. His parents are super generous at birthdays so we could / should have been able to assume a reasonable amount was in the pot for them (they go on a lot of cruises and deliberately save up for them forgoing other things so would have been very on board (excuse the pun) with this idea) but I didn't find out that he'd asked for a very expensive professional type camera until it turned up weeks before his birthday. He already had a very good camera & so this started me feeling miffed. He then did start to talk about what he wanted to do for his birthday and it was all getting more and more elaborate and expensive. We've had a heart to heart and come to a bit of a compromise. Sort of.

We've had a heart to heart and come to a bit of a compromise. Sort of.

"Sort of" meaning you compromise on what you want so he gets what he wants?

Prostitution is not legal in Vegas. It is legal in other parts of Nevada state, but not Las Vegas. I'm sure it does happen there, like it does everywhere else.

If you and DH don't smoke, be aware that casinos in Las Vegas do allow smoking. If he spends much time in those, he's likely to come home reeking of smoke.

I don't think this is about Las Vegas, though. I think it's about feeling like you and the kids are low on his list of priorities. Has there been anything else to make you feel that way?

@PyongyangKipperbang ‘sort of’ meaning we’ve got more talking to do. The camera can’t go back so he has to find a way to make the short fall up for our holiday. We have agreed a few different meal outs to celebrate - family and friends very scattered - won’t be cheap be we will all enjoy it. I am trying to take on board what other posters are saying about ‘it’s their birthday so they spend it how they want’.... I just think that unless it is a ‘life long dream’ then there really should be some of what they want involving the family for a milestone

Does he know how you feel? Does he care? Does he think he is so unimportant to you and the children that you won't mind?

I am surprised by this thread. I am a very very girly girl and went out for a female only meal for my 40th. On the Saturday. Locally. So, not what he same as Vegas, but still cost a bit.

And I appreciate OP's Dh does seem a bit controlling. But...

My husband and I had a nice steak at home, on my actual birthday night, and the ds's spent the day with us, on a the Saturday, pre the female only meal.

I don't get this MN hatred of same sex, males or females spending time together, if that's your choice.

It's depressing how many clingy, whiny women there are. I mean, I get the fact that having kids disadvantages you economically, and it's all too easy to slide into a position where you have to keep Hubby happy or you'll be stuffed for money, but most functional adults need time to themselves, time to do non-family things and (within the household budget) a certain amount of leeway for treats.

And it's pretty clear that OP's concern is not particularly about the money, or about the fact that she and her H have seperate holidays, but she's whining about the fact that he isn't putting on a big performance about how faaaaaaaamly is nore important than friends. Why should he? Often a 40th or 50th birthday is as much if not more about old pals and new pals than about your partner and kids, it;'s a landmark in your life.

Those who think that Vegas is just about gambling or had nothing to do other than casinos must be extremely boring people. We have filled several weeks there and still not done everything. The kids loved it too and want to go back.

I don't understand all this birthday milestone rubbish, I would never celebrate a birthday for me or OH like that. I'd be quite happy for OH to go to Vegas, why not? As long as you can have a swanky birthday as well, don't see the problem.
I'm 40 next month and quite frankly couldn't give a toss. My sons birthdays however are of the utmost priority.
Can you afford the trip or is it taking money away from other things? Do you trust him?
Im sure he loves you and the kids very much, but it doesn't mean he needs to do everything with you. Maybe he just wants to have fun with his mates

Hmmm why are all these blokes so keen to not bring partners?

I can only guess

But all the females on here, wanting to spend milestone birthdays with their female friends are speaking quite reasonably about their reasons. How can you surmise that all men only want sordid pastimes?
Vegas is popular for honeymoons and sporting events as well as the shows, restaurants and surrounding areas as others have previously mentioned.
I love Vegas - my DH,who had previously gone for conferences, does not. I booked the 'Sexxxxy' revue show and it was full of couples, I don't think there were any single men.(In fact the main performer's parent's were the ones selling the merchandise.)
As I said, way back on thread, this is to do with timing and lack of respect/communication - not what a shit-hole or not Vegas is, or what all men like doing with their mates.