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Is it odd they took part of DDs present home?

(241 Posts)
WeLikeLucy Tue 12-Dec-17 22:27:58

This is not a biggie, but it's just annoyed me. Do you think this is a bit odd or unreasonable...

For my DDs birthday I put together a selection of beads for her to make necklaces with. We are not hard up, but not particularly well off either so I'm always scrimping a bit when it comes to birthdays and trying to get bargains. Anyway, there were two very large fancy beads in the set that were intended to be necklace pendants.

We had my DH's friends staying over at ours, two days after her birthday. They knew the beads were a present. Their DS made a necklace with the beads and used one of the large pendants. Straight away I overheard his mother say quietly "I'll put it in my handbag", when he showed it to her. They took it home.

It has annoyed me - wouldn't it have been normal to say "well remember these were DDs birthday presents, so let's not use the large bead" or "Let's make necklaces but we may not be able to take them all home"?

My DD is disappointed that the bead she thought was special and a favourite has gone. BTW I did not suggest getting the beads out - I walked into the kitchen and they were already playing with them (the mother supervising).

Fitzsimmons Tue 12-Dec-17 22:30:37

Yes it's a bit cheeky. I would have probably tried to distract my kid and subtly return the beads and if that failed I'd them explain that we can't keep them. Can you get a replacement?

CherryChasingDotMuncher Tue 12-Dec-17 22:31:56

How weird! Aw your poor DD things like that really matter to kids sad

LookingForwardToChristmas Tue 12-Dec-17 22:32:43

I’d say it was rude rather than odd but I suppose you should have made it clear at the start that they were welcome to play with the beads but they couldn’t keep them - still hindsight is a great thing and it wouldn’t have crossed my mind I mind I needed to point that out to anyone.

OlennasWimple Tue 12-Dec-17 22:32:55

It's a bit cheeky, but maybe they just hadn't done the joined up thinking that would have made them realise that they were basically taking away part of DD's present? You really should have said something at the time, though, either to head off the big bead being used in the first place or afterwards when it became clear that they intended to take it home

AmazingGrace16 Tue 12-Dec-17 22:34:39

Just text them and say oh dd has noticed her bead has gone. She's really sad don't suppose you've seen it at all?

BenLui Tue 12-Dec-17 22:34:43

Lesson learned put away special/new toys when people are visiting.

rcit Tue 12-Dec-17 22:34:55

Yes odd

WeLikeLucy Tue 12-Dec-17 22:36:48

I wonder whether I'm being a bit tight, not wanting him to take it, but at the same time I just thought it was thoughtless of his mother. It was the way she put it straight in her handbag as well!

They are also a very wealthy family, and I wonder of stuff like this is just trivial to them - probably thought I'd just get another bead. But, to a kid, it's a particular bead they've been given. I'd have had no issue with them making and taking home a necklace with some of the many other smaller less distinctive beads.

whichcolour Tue 12-Dec-17 22:38:08

Very cheeky. And very wrong. She is teaching her son that he can take something which doesn't belong to him. I think it's the same as if he was reading a book of your daughter's or using her colours. Would she take them home too if her son wanted them?

SparkleFizz Tue 12-Dec-17 22:38:51

Unreasonable for them to take any beads home at all!

They were your DD’s beads, so any necklace made - even one made with boring beads your DD doesn’t like - should have been left at your house. Unless you specifically said they could keep the necklace.

I’d be inclined to message them and say something like “DD can’t find some of the special beads she got for her birthday. I remember DD and your DS were making necklaces with the beads - please can you check to see if any were accidentally taken home with you?”

PersianCatLady Tue 12-Dec-17 22:39:12

It is out of order and selfish.

Does their son usually get everything he wants?

WeLikeLucy Tue 12-Dec-17 22:40:20

Actually I did say that he may not be able to take all of the necklaces/bracelets home or may have to put them back. His mother heard me say that - I thought it was a good hint! Maybe I should have been more direct.

PersianCatLady Tue 12-Dec-17 22:40:21

Just because we are talking about beads it doesn't make them any less rude.

What if next time they like a game on the iPad and take that home?

Wineandrosesagain Tue 12-Dec-17 22:40:55

If you heard the friend say "I'll put it in my handbag" why didn't you say - "no, sorry that's DD's birthday present - they can play with the beads but not take them home"? Why didn't you deal with it then? So now you have an upset DD, you're annoyed - why not just say it at the time?

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Tue 12-Dec-17 22:40:57

YANBU- if it was a Lego set then it would not be ok to take home the thing he'd made with your DD Lego would it.

buckeejit Tue 12-Dec-17 22:42:21

I'd ask them to send it back as DD is upset & it was a birthday gift-& say 'you know how important these things are to dc'

gamerchick Tue 12-Dec-17 22:42:37

Why didn’t you say something at the time? It’s easy, put them away and ask where the bead is.

Send the text up above, this shit matters to kids and you’ll be the sun in the sky if you get it back. It’s good for kids to see us sticking up for them.

Slightlyperturbedowlagain Tue 12-Dec-17 22:42:59

But wineandroses has the right approach. (We had to virtually frisk one of DS's friends when he went home when they were about 5 or 6 as he would put all the Lego figures in his pockets!

SuperPug Tue 12-Dec-17 22:43:05

Agree with Sparkle's message.

Cornishclio Tue 12-Dec-17 22:43:41

Yes it is odd and rude. I cannot imagine why the mother felt that was alright. You should have asked for it back though immediately.

blueskyinmarch Tue 12-Dec-17 22:43:47

I have to say if, when they were younger, my DD's went to a friends and made a necklace with beads they had i would probably have taken it home without a thought. I expect the mum in this case thought 'oh, DS has made a nice necklace, lets pop it in my bag to take home'. I am sure she didn't think 'oh nice beads, let steal them'.

WeLikeLucy Tue 12-Dec-17 22:44:15

Wrongly or rightly, I don't feel I can ask for it back. I think it would sound a bit tight. I do find some of their parenting decisions a bit strange (don't we all find others' ways of parenting a bit odd sometimes though!). I would not say he's a spoilt child.

gamerchick Tue 12-Dec-17 22:45:03

So what if it sounds tight. The little things matter to bairns confused

Maelstrop Tue 12-Dec-17 22:45:21

Rude and I would let them know you're not happy. I like Amazing Grace's idea.

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