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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it odd they took part of DDs present home?

240 replies

WeLikeLucy · 12/12/2017 22:27

This is not a biggie, but it's just annoyed me. Do you think this is a bit odd or unreasonable...

For my DDs birthday I put together a selection of beads for her to make necklaces with. We are not hard up, but not particularly well off either so I'm always scrimping a bit when it comes to birthdays and trying to get bargains. Anyway, there were two very large fancy beads in the set that were intended to be necklace pendants.

We had my DH's friends staying over at ours, two days after her birthday. They knew the beads were a present. Their DS made a necklace with the beads and used one of the large pendants. Straight away I overheard his mother say quietly "I'll put it in my handbag", when he showed it to her. They took it home.

It has annoyed me - wouldn't it have been normal to say "well remember these were DDs birthday presents, so let's not use the large bead" or "Let's make necklaces but we may not be able to take them all home"?

My DD is disappointed that the bead she thought was special and a favourite has gone. BTW I did not suggest getting the beads out - I walked into the kitchen and they were already playing with them (the mother supervising).

OP posts:
HuskyMcClusky · 13/12/2017 08:39

I would not ask for it back. What if her child likes the necklace and would miss it? (E.g. if he has it on display/wears it?). She’ll feel obliged to give it back anyway.

Not worth the potential awkwardness.

Balaboosteh · 13/12/2017 08:40

Just get her some more and teach her it’s good to share.

AlwaysPondering · 13/12/2017 08:45

I would be very annoyed on behalf of your DD and politely ask for it back. "DD was really upset once she realised the necklace your DS put together was taken home with him so please can you pass it on to DH..." scrap that actually, get your DH to redeem it!

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 08:49

Pondering don't you think that beads etc are part of a craft activity though?

Like cutting and sticking? Or making brooches or something? It's not something you "put together" in the same way as lego...it's not a game.

It's a craft! Kids always take their crafts home from my house. If we have expensive or precious stuff, I don't offer it out. And have taught my DC to do the same.

AlwaysPondering · 13/12/2017 08:51

I agree that crafty creations are taken home but on the other hand the other woman should understand this was clearly more expensive than putting pasta on some string. Maybe she didn't realise it was a bit more costly..

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 08:57

Pondering the problem with your take on it is that one person's idea of "clearly more expensive" isn't that clear at all.

To many people, beads are just beads and they sim;ply wouldn't notice the difference between them unless they were gold or something!

AlwaysPondering · 13/12/2017 09:02

Yes CheapSausagesAndSpam I do actually completely agree with you.

SaucyJack · 13/12/2017 09:03

"I don't have "official" activities at my playdates at my house Saucy. It's a home, not a drop-in centre...... I think this is just an expectation issue."

Agreed.

And where I come from, you don't have an expectation that you can take anything from someone's house home with you- unless they've actually given you permission to do so.

My three year old has grasped the basics of this. Genuinely surprised how many adults on here are struggling with the concept.

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 09:09

Thinking about it, I would usually say "Make sure you take your Christmas decoration with you!" or whatever...I do invite that...so it might have been presumptious of the Mother.

OP I wouldn't ask for it back....I'd chalk it up to experience and buy her a replacement.

NataliaOsipova · 13/12/2017 09:09

If there is Lego (absolutely don't take) on one side and a drawing on the other (take), a bead necklace would be in the middle. I would totally expect a child to take it home if they made it at my house.

This is a really good way of putting it and demonstrates the potential for confusion! I don't think the other mother did anything too wrong (colouring etc always ends up in my handbag if we are out somewhere). That said, she shouldn't have assumed, but I think it's a bit much to call her a bitch. If your DH allowed it to be played with, she probably just didn't realise that it, let alone certain bits of it, was particularly special.

I'd say chalk this up to experience and be more direct in future ("Oh, I'm sorry, you can't take that home as it's DD's special present" wouldn't cause offence but would be unequivocal.

LucheroTena · 13/12/2017 09:09

As it's just a bead I wouldn't be asking for it back. I wouldn't have taken it home without being invited to so that is odd. But also...I couldn't ask for a bead back. Can't cost more than a couple of pounds max.

user789653241 · 13/12/2017 09:12

We had playdate making bead necklaces. I was totally expecting the child to take home what they made. But my dc was possessive enough to dictate what they can and can't use. Grin

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 13/12/2017 09:23

Is the word “bead” starting to look really odd to anyone else?

DonutCone · 13/12/2017 09:28

A similar thing happened to my DD recently. She was given a wooden necklace making kit for her birthday. A few days later had a sleep over and her and her friend used it to make necklaces with their names on. The friend has a lot name which used up a lot of the 'good' letters, meaning DD couldn't make her name, but did do a shortened version. Friend took the necklace home. Was I a little miffed that DD hadn't been able to use her own present to make her name? Yes. But at the end of the day I was happier that she was sharing and playing nicely with her friend. I wouldn't have dreamed of saying she couldn't take the necklace home or asking for it back Shock

CorbynsBumFlannel · 13/12/2017 09:30

Only read the first page but I'm shocked by the replies. If my child had made a necklace or done any kind of craft activity at a friend's house I would absolutely assume they could take it home unless told otherwise. Dd will quite often make friendship bracelets or beaded bracelets with her friends and if she has got them out to share I would find it very odd to take what they had made back off them and take it apart.
Generally when you make a necklace you keep it made don't you? You don't take it apart to have another go the same way you would with Lego.
Wondering how many people I've inadvertently offended now!

Turquoise123 · 13/12/2017 09:31

what's really odd is that she hid it in her handbag and did not tell you .

There's a word for that is there not ?

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 09:33

TheOnlyLiving

"Beady" Grin

CheapSausagesAndSpam · 13/12/2017 09:34

Turquoise you used the word "hid" though....the OP did not.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 13/12/2017 09:38

If someone messaged me asking for a bead back that my child had used to make a necklace in their home I would be filing them in the basket of weirdo tbh.
And how is the mother openly putting something in her bag that her child has made whilst saying so loud enough for the op to hear 'slyly slipping it in her bag'?

wildbuttercup · 13/12/2017 09:43

very rude!! If its not too expensive/too much trouble on this occasion maybe see if you can get DD a couple big nice pendants as a nice surprise? At least she will learn not to do something similar with other peoples possessions.

blueskyinmarch · 13/12/2017 09:43

Turquoise. The OP said she slipped it into her handbag.* I don't know about you but I slip things into my handbag all the time. If I am busy chatting and drinking coffee and my DC said I made this and want to take it home I would probably give it a scant glance before slipping it into my bag.*

Silverthorn · 13/12/2017 09:44

It's too late now. Go and buy dd another bead. Next time tell dd to put away any toys she doesn't want others to play with.

t1mum3 · 13/12/2017 09:48

Exactly what @irvieoneohone said. Often had kids over to ours who have made bead necklaces, etc and it would never occur to me that they wouldn't take them home. I'd hide the good stuff or my DD would. As for the aqua beads, wow!

MyKingdomForBrie · 13/12/2017 09:48

I’m sure you can get a replacement bead on amazon for pennies.

number1wang · 13/12/2017 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.