Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10

Original poster

Is it odd they took part of DDs present home?

240 replies

WeLikeLucy · 12/12/2017 22:27

This is not a biggie, but it's just annoyed me. Do you think this is a bit odd or unreasonable...

For my DDs birthday I put together a selection of beads for her to make necklaces with. We are not hard up, but not particularly well off either so I'm always scrimping a bit when it comes to birthdays and trying to get bargains. Anyway, there were two very large fancy beads in the set that were intended to be necklace pendants.

We had my DH's friends staying over at ours, two days after her birthday. They knew the beads were a present. Their DS made a necklace with the beads and used one of the large pendants. Straight away I overheard his mother say quietly "I'll put it in my handbag", when he showed it to her. They took it home.

It has annoyed me - wouldn't it have been normal to say "well remember these were DDs birthday presents, so let's not use the large bead" or "Let's make necklaces but we may not be able to take them all home"?

My DD is disappointed that the bead she thought was special and a favourite has gone. BTW I did not suggest getting the beads out - I walked into the kitchen and they were already playing with them (the mother supervising).

OP posts:

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 15:00

Why would you let a child make something and not take it home? Would you keep their drawings as well for scrap paper since you say it's not about the cost?

iMogster · 15/12/2017 17:31

There's a big difference between taking home a bit of craft stuff and half of a special birthday gift! I am surprised so many posters see them the same!

SaucyJack · 15/12/2017 18:43

I think the point rather is that the OP didn't "let" him make anything Corbyn.

Sounds as tho the OP's DD casually got some stuff out, and he joined in.

Incredibly rude of the other mother to decide for herself that he was allowed to keep it. Decent people just don't do that. How hard is it to double check with another parent first that it's OK for your child to keep something? (Clue; it isn't)

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 19:21

So what would you have the friend do when she got the stuff out? Watch her while she plays with it?
The op is calling it a special gift and it seems a lot of love went into putting it together but it's likely that the other mother just saw a variety of craft beads. I don't get particularly excited about beads myself whatever they look like.
If this was my dd I would be asking her why did she get it out if she didn't want to share it.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 19:31

I think most parents are of the opinion that they barely have room for their own kids creations let alone others. Would you ask if it was ok to take home a drawing your child had done as maybe they want to re-use the back of paper? I think most people would say they would put it safe in their bag.
The amount of people accusing this, apparently, well off woman of a bead heist is quite funny. I agree with a pp that it will probably be cluttering up her bag until she thinks her son has forgotten about it and she can get away with binning it!

ZoopDragon · 15/12/2017 20:02

The amount of people accusing this, apparently, well off woman of a bead heist is quite funny

I agree! As if she plotted to steal the special bead and quietly encouraged her son to slip it into her bag so she could keep it for herself
I don't think there is anything sly about it. More she just assumed the beads were for arts and crafts.

If my DD made a bead necklace at a friend's' house and was asked to return the beads before leaving, I'd think it very rude and tight of the mum. You don't leave craft things out if they're too special to be taken home.

SaucyJack · 15/12/2017 20:03

"So what would you have the friend do when she got the stuff out? Watch her while she plays with it?"

Or maybe just teach your kid that while it's fun to play with other children's things when you're visiting, you can't take them home with you and keep them because they belong to little Jack or Emily and they need to stay there?

Have you actually got kids? Isn't this very very very very basic play date stuff?

Baffling.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 15/12/2017 20:20

Most of the people on here agree with me that if you let kids make crafts you let them take them home!
It may be basic play date stuff in your circle to have kids hand over beads and presumably unstick yoghurt pots from each other so you can rinse them out for use on the next play date but to me that is insane.
After well over a decade of play dates I've never had a parent ask if it's ok with me for their child to take something they've made home and I would be confused if they did.

alittlehelp · 15/12/2017 20:30

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I think the difference between special beads and standard craft materials would be clear to most people and I would never take such an item home had my child made that at someone else's house, unless the other parent had specifically said that the necklaces were to take home.

QueenUnicorn · 15/12/2017 20:57

It's a pendant, not a bead.
Would you let your children put someones Pandora bead on a bracelet and take it home?
There is a difference and if you're not sure then ask!

CorbynsBumFlannel · 16/12/2017 00:07

A Pandora bead is someone's actual (tacky and overpriced) jewellery not a bead for crafting with! I doubt anyone would be putting beads of that price in a box for kids to play with.
Some of the bead sets dd has have a few metallic pendant style beads in them. I don't think they're particularly special.

QueenUnicorn · 16/12/2017 18:14

Still best to check as what's not special to you may be very special to someone else.

thebewilderness · 16/12/2017 20:31

Extremely inappropriate for dad to get out child's birthday gift and give it to the guests to do with as they wish.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 17/12/2017 12:25

@WeLikeLucy - I have sent you a pm - I have a necklace I made, out of greeny blue, sparkly beads, that I never wear - they are just threaded on ribbon, and I would happily send them to your dd, if that would help make up for the loss of these special beads.

mathanxiety · 17/12/2017 19:10

Hmmm, so your DH just buggered off, leaving the mother to entertain your child and her own in your house where she and her child had come to play after being invited. (You say stay, but it seems she and the child went home after the play session, so I am not sure if it's a playdate or a stay of a day or two).

I think your problem here is your DH, actually. He failed at adulting. I would be having words.

Flip

1 2 ··· 5 6 7 8 9 10