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CF friend or AIBU?

(991 Posts)
SilverBirchTree Thu 07-Dec-17 00:31:13

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! smile'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Thu 07-Dec-17 00:34:37

Demand it back. You didn’t give it to her, you gave it to her father in law. She is taking the piss. Tell her to return it immediately.

OhforfucksakeFay Thu 07-Dec-17 00:34:42

PITA
I'd write a letter to the FIL saying you are so sorry that his DIL decided to sell the beautiful object as you meant for him to have it and not for it to be sold by her. And message her privately with the same.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 07-Dec-17 00:35:04

Is be really angry. You have it her to pass on. You dodnt gift it her. Is say as pi didn't give OT to whom I asked you to, it isn't yours to sell. It would be a deal breaker for me

GreenTulips Thu 07-Dec-17 00:38:37

Not theirs to sell
Ask for it back and comment if the FB page

She's effectively stolen it

Pringlepoo Thu 07-Dec-17 00:39:29

That's rude.

She's right, you gave it to her FIL and he doesn't want it so it IS his/theirs to do as they want but she should have at least mentioned it to you.

Having said that, I bought something off a friend, then a few months later decided I didn't want it and would sell it (for the same price I bought it). I gave her first dibs and she said she didn't want it but then went off huffing about it to other people about it.

So maybe they didn't want that discussion?

Is it worth falling out over though? You did give it away and that means you gave them permission to do what they want with it.

Pringlepoo Thu 07-Dec-17 00:40:59

Oh, hang on have I misread?

Did she give it to FIL and he didn't want it? Or did she just show it to him and then sell it?

DarthMaiden Thu 07-Dec-17 00:41:34

The OP didn't give it to the friend though.

She gave it to the FIL.

It's not even clear if he knew it was a gift to him.

It is CF behaviour.

crazycatgal Thu 07-Dec-17 00:43:03

She's not just a CF she's a thief. Go round there and take it back.

Cavender Thu 07-Dec-17 00:45:37

I’d be absolutely furious. I’d be asking for it back.

LolaTheDarkdestroyer Thu 07-Dec-17 00:45:39

This is cheeky fuckery at its finest..she really isn't a friend she is awful..tell her you want it back you didn't sell it yourself as you wanted someone genuine to appreciate it, she's beyond rude.

gobster Thu 07-Dec-17 00:45:49

Holy crap!

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable!

She’s was effectively being a courier of the gift. You wouldn’t think it reasonable it DHL had done this!

I cannot understand how she even thinks it’s acceptable or has the audacity to do it!

Personally I drive back over and demand it back

MissionItsPossible Thu 07-Dec-17 00:49:14

I would be absolutely fucking fuming if I were you. Just goes to show that doing favours and nice things for people so often gets thrown back in faces because people can also so often be so selfish and nasty

gobster Thu 07-Dec-17 00:49:24

I'm feeling angry on your behalf!

I was shock enough when they wanted to pass it off as their gift but to sell and keep the money is disgusting when you were trying to do something nice

elland Thu 07-Dec-17 00:49:27

That's terrible! I would be saying it was a gift for her FIL and if it isn't wanted you'll be having it back!

SilverBirchTree Thu 07-Dec-17 00:49:52

@PringlePoo that's a good point. I'm actually not sure from her message whether she offered it to him or not.

Rooooooood Thu 07-Dec-17 00:52:17

I think you know the answer already 😂

That's really rude of her. I'd ask for it back.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree Thu 07-Dec-17 00:52:23

If he didn’t want it then he should have offered it back to you. Although I suspect she never told him it was from you!

RestingGrinchFace Thu 07-Dec-17 00:54:47

Respond that you did not give it to her, you gave it to her to give to her FIL. Tell her that if she doesn't return it you will have her charged with theft!

Brandbrandbrandy Thu 07-Dec-17 00:55:12

What is it with these cheeky grabby fuckers?

Grrrrr. I’m pissed off on your behalf OP

CakesRUs Thu 07-Dec-17 00:55:49

That's not in at all. I'd have to say something or it'll eat you up. She's in the wrong here.

The nerve!!

theftbyfinding Thu 07-Dec-17 00:57:15

You gave it to them. End of story legally.

Tallia Thu 07-Dec-17 00:57:51

YA-definitely-NBU.
You gave it as a gift to the FIL. If he didn't want to accept it, it comes back to you. Not to them.

I'd get in touch with the FIL, make it clear how much you'd like him to have it if he'd like it, that it's his to refuse, but that your friend has indicated that he doesn't want it, and if that's so, can you arrange a time to come and pick it up.

lelapaletute Thu 07-Dec-17 00:57:56

shock cheeky as all fuck! Reply with "hahaha good one. Take that as down right now, I'm coming round to collect it." And do. Sooooo out of order.

littlemisscomper Thu 07-Dec-17 01:00:12

Unbe-flumping-lievable! shock

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