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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
fidgettt · 07/12/2017 02:20

Yes definitely copy in FIL afterwards. I say afterwards, as then she will behave appallingly and then he can see her true colours. If he gets involved sooner she may try to mask her poor behaviour more.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:21

Written back:

'The [object] is my gift to [FIL] and I will be very upset if it is sold. I wanted FIL to have it due to his time as [profession], otherwise we would have sold it ourselves. Please cancel the auction. If you're home tomorrow afternoon I'll come collect it then.'

OP posts:
fidgettt · 07/12/2017 02:21

Have you found the item on eBay OP?

elland · 07/12/2017 02:22

@theftbyfinding untrue 100%. I would do that in THIS circumstance because the OPs CF friend thinks nothing of screwing her over. I wouldn't ever do it in a normal, moral transaction thank you 👍🏻

Any thoughts?

@theftbyfinding

What are you trying to achieve? Im pretty sure I know myself well enough to say that I wouldn't do this is any other circumstance, it's no skin off my nose whether you believe me or not. If you're actively looking to get other posters to berate me online then you probably need to take a look at your own morals aswell as questioning mine.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:23

I should say that I don't have FIL's contact details so can't message him directly. I only see him at their house for birthdays and so on. But we have a chat each time and I'm fond of him. I have ancestors who were members of his profession (hence the mementos in the attic!) so we have that in common.

OP posts:
fidgettt · 07/12/2017 02:23

X posted. Still very soft OP. my prediction is she comes back with a minimising response.

elland · 07/12/2017 02:24

Sorry @SilverBirchTree, I don't mean to derail your thread! I can't believe she's being so blasé about it, not even a hint of embarrassment that she's been caught out!

WatchTheFoxes · 07/12/2017 02:25

Good for you OP! I would turn up tomorrow at her house regardless and demand it back.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:25

@elland no worries- I don't think you derailed at all. Standing up to CFs is right on theme :)

OP posts:
JediStoleMyBike · 07/12/2017 02:26

Hoping you get it back. How rude!

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:26

I have found the item on EBay and she's also put another notice on the Facebook marketplace thing. Asking £340!

OP posts:
gobster · 07/12/2017 02:28

Comment saying item not for sale due to not being the sellers property to sell!

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 02:29

She's responded:

'Not sure why you're getting worked up over some junk you found in your loft? I can't take it down without ruining my eBay feedback. FIL won't mind, you don't normally get him a present anyway?!'

OP posts:
dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 07/12/2017 02:30

Omg she won't ruin her eBay feedback!! That's not a thing! I cancel things all the time if they sell elsewhere. Tell her yo take it down or you'll report it to eBay!!

3luckystars · 07/12/2017 02:31

Definitely get it back. Don’t bother trying to explain about giving it to her fil, just turn up st her house and take it back. Say as little as possible or nothing and if it ever comes up, just say ‘there was a misunderstanding’

I would cut her off, if she thinks that is ok then I would not have anything to do with her.

elland · 07/12/2017 02:31

@SilverBirchTree she is unbelievable!

fidgettt · 07/12/2017 02:33

Typical CF response!!

Just reply very bluntly that either she returns it tomorrow or the police get involved.

iboughtsnowboots · 07/12/2017 02:33

"I need you to take this down cf or I will contact eBay directly myself. Please return this item"
People withdraw stuff all the time.

OtterInDisgrace · 07/12/2017 02:34

God this thread is raising my blood pressure just reading it. Cheeky fucking fucker indeed. How very dare she?!

gobster · 07/12/2017 02:35

Junk that she seems happy to utilise to make herself money

Report her on both sites and respond with a bit more gumption less polite

WarningSign · 07/12/2017 02:36

CF,
Your eBay reputation will be damage done even more if the item is reported as stolen, as it does not belong to you to sell. Remove every listing, immediately or I shall have no other recourse than to contact eBay myself for the removal of MY ITEM. I will be picking it up tomorrow, please have it ready.

OtterInDisgrace · 07/12/2017 02:36

Yes, I think you need to be quite explicit with people like this and tell her she’s a freeloader who is taking the piss.

dentalplanlisaneedsbraces · 07/12/2017 02:37

I would reply and either 1. Embarrass her or 2. Lose my shit

  1. Are you that hard up for cash that you need to steal to sell things on ebay? Why don't you ask fil for a loan?
  1. You have stolen from me and if you don't take it down and return it immediately I will be filing a police report YOU THIEVING BITCH.
Rainbunny · 07/12/2017 02:46

Holy crap! I'd be disgusted in your place OP. I honestly would probably end the friendship over that, it just shows too many poor character traits on her side.

tararabumdeay · 07/12/2017 02:47

You gave it away and now you want it back. It doesn't work like that.