Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend or AIBU?

990 replies

SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 00:31

We recently cleared out a family attic and found an antique object that is associated with a profession (think fireman's helmet/doctor's bag/judge's gavel etc). We looked it up online and saw they sell on eBay for between £150-350.

A friend of mine's FIL is retired from this profession and his hobby is researching its history. He has even self published books about it. He is a lovely man who I see about twice a year. He lost his wife a few months ago so he has been in my recent thoughts.

It is such a marvellous object (beautiful with history and craftsmanship) we decided we'd rather see it go to someone who would appreciate it, rather than sell it.

I asked my friend if her FIL would enjoy it. She responded that he would love it. When I dropped it off at her house, she and her husband said something about wrapping it up and making it their Christmas gift to their FIL. I was Hmm because it wasn't really from them, but whatever.

Today I saw on Facebook that she has put the object for sale online. Shock I messaged her a screen shot of the ad with the message '???' She wrote back 'hey, u gave it to us! I'm going to use the money to buy everyone a Chrissy present, not just [FIL]. We showed it to him and he enjoyed looking at it and taking snaps. Time for someone else to enjoy! :)'

I am so annoyed! She's correct that I gave it away- but I didn't give it to her to sell!! I feel like demanding that she either return the object to me or at least give me the money from the sale.

She's a good friend otherwise, but the kind of person who is always hunting for a bargain or a freebie. It was fun at uni but getting a bit tiresome today!!!

AIBU or is my friend a PITA?!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2017 01:30

You don't seem to understand me. This was for your FIL only. If he doesn't want OT then it is still mine and I want it returned. I did not give it you to sell.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 01:30

Also - Not that it's about the money, but this is a fairly wealthy family we're talking about. She's not stealing antiques from friends because there is no other way to finance Christmas.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2017 01:31

I'd also be tempted to pit on the FB thread "please take this down it is not yours to sell"

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 01:31
Shock

"No friend, you will return it immediately, I did not give it to you, if you thought fil would be embarrassed you should have declined it not taken it to sell it"

She has some front

SleepFreeZone · 07/12/2017 01:32

I'm sorry but 'your friend' must have a screw lose or not be at all concerned about losing your friendship. A sane person would know that what she is doing is hugely inappropriate.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 01:33

Actually send Helen's text op, I am so embarrassed for her

theftbyfinding · 07/12/2017 01:34

legal-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/gift

If it meant that much, you should have gifted it to the person intended.

theftbyfinding · 07/12/2017 01:36

You GAVE IT AWAY! That is their legal strength, It was theirs to do with what they chose.

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 01:37

@theftByFinding I think you're confusing possession with ownership. Does the mechanic own your car while it's being serviced? Does the postman own your parcel? If a friend minds your dog, is it theirs to sell while you're on holiday? Can I pour the church collection plate into my handbag because someone passed it to me?

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 01:38

She didn't give it too them, they were supposed to just pass it on, they didn't do that.

And you cannot honestly think this is OK, unless you are the cf friend?

HelenUrth · 07/12/2017 01:39

Just saw your latest update - oh yes, she's a cheeky fucker. Was afraid of that. Can't stand people like this.

Friendship is probably fucked now but hopefully you can get the item back anyway - maybe tell her you're going to call to FIL (with a nice cake) and you'll pick it up then after having a lovely chat with him about his knowledge of the item - or explain to him that it was in your attic and you're happy for him to look after it seeing as it didn't cost you anything, but if he doesn't want it you could sell it to buy x/y/z for your own family ...

elland · 07/12/2017 01:39

Looks like the CF friend has arrived

fidgettt · 07/12/2017 01:40

You'll have to be way more direct and demanding with her OP. anything nice does not get through to CF like this!

elland · 07/12/2017 01:41

If it's for sale on eBay I would buy it, wait until it arrives and then file for goods not arriving so you'll get a refund

Insomnibrat · 07/12/2017 01:45

Please don't back down on this!

Original poster
SilverBirchTree · 07/12/2017 01:45

Ok responding:

'Sorry [Friend] this is an awkward misunderstanding. I meant for it to be a gift from me to FIL. Please offer it to him with my best wishes, we're happy for it to have a home with someone who appreciates it. If you don't feel comfortable doing so, I'll come collect it and give it to him when I see him at your next do.'

OP posts:
Tallia · 07/12/2017 01:46

I'd still recommend getting directly in touch with the FIL. But I'd also be very clear with her that it's not hers and never was.

"I gave it to you only to pass onto FIL. It was never your possession. If you were not comfortable passing it onto FIL you should have told me that when I asked you.

I don't want to fall out with you over this, but I no longer trust you to act as a courier of it to FIL. Therefore you need to return it to me immediately. If not, I will contact the police"

gobster · 07/12/2017 01:47

I’d send back:

You are missing the point, the item was a present from me to your FIL due to his hobby. It was not under any circumstances given to you for you. It has not been given to you for any other reason other than to act as courier, if you thought it was too expensive to give you should have told me when I asked if he’d like it so I could sell my item. I cannot understand why you think you have a right to sell it or the money it makes

theftbyfinding · 07/12/2017 01:48

elland "If it's for sale on eBay I would buy it, wait until it arrives and then file for goods not arriving so you'll get a refund" And YOU are the reason people are stitched up with no recourse. Disgusting attitude

butterfly56 · 07/12/2017 01:48

She is one cheeky fucker and then some!
She definitely not a good friend to pull a selfish stunt like that.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 07/12/2017 01:50

No no no no no do NOT send that, it's way too nice and you will never get it back, fil will never get it and you will go around in circles, stop this now! Say what gobster said, the only option you give her is to return it

theftbyfinding · 07/12/2017 01:50

Op if you GAVE it to your FIL fair dos. But you GAVE it to others. And they chose what to do with it. That simple. Morally wrong. Legally not a problem.

BluePlasticBuddha · 07/12/2017 01:52

ellend that is also deceptive.

pharp · 07/12/2017 01:54

Why are you being so wishy washy with your messages?! Your friend is an ARSEHOLE. Use one of the suggestions on here

iboughtsnowboots · 07/12/2017 01:55

I think your reply is too soft, I would shorten it.,
"There has been a misunderstanding please could return my item to me if FIL is not going to have it. Please do not sell my item. Thank you"

Swipe left for the next trending thread